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Bharat Ki Jeet...

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A recent photo shoot we did for Nirav Modi, at his elegant salon, over high tea and pretty baubles...

             This appeared in Asian Age today...
                       Bharat Ki Vijay, says Namo…
Narendra Modi’s early tweet after his stupendous sweep at the polls, says it all. He has described the BJP victory as ‘Bharat Ki Vijay…” And how right he is! The people of India have delivered their verdict - 814 million of them. We have to bow our heads and accept the new order with humility and grace, no matter what our reservations and apprehensions about the man who will soon be anointed the Prime Minister of the world’s largest democracy. Change was imminent. Change has happened. A brand new chapter in India’s history has begun. The first few lines are still being written, even as more results trickle in.  This is not the time to gloat.  Or even mourn. There is a great deal of work that needs to get done. And get done quickly. Let us see if Narendra Modi  and his team live up to people’s high expectations from the party that promised ‘Minimum government. Maximum governance.”
Is anybody really surprised by the numbers we are seeing? Yes and no. Political pundits had predicted pretty accurately  (for a change!) that the country was ready to shift gears and elect not just a new leader, but a new political eco system. India has given its mandate to a brand new leader. Indian voters have demonstrated their faith in a person who decisively projected dynamism and  strength, stressing on ‘development’ over ‘dynasty’ all along. Perhaps that was the precisely pitched emotive call ( to finally overthrow a family that had effectively run  and ruined the country for six decades) which did the trick. Let’s be honest - this was a vote against the Gandhi family – make no bones about it. It was also a vote against systemic and sustained corruption. Voters equated the two ( Gandhis and corruption) and delivered a strong verdict against the Congress-led UPA government. A verdict that  says one hell of  a lot about the frustration and rage of the electorate – the youth of  the country, in particular. Modi’s strident call to aggressively fight India’s first family of politics, was exactly the trigger that led to the snow balling of a nation- wide revolt aimed at overthrowing Sonia Gandhi and her son, Rahul Gandhi, - two individuals who had become emblematic of all that was wrong in India’s polity. Modi’s focused campaign drawing attention to the rampant corruption that had eroded and corroded the very core of India, eventually worked in his favour and propelled the party to its spectacular win.
The real test for Modi and his team begins now.
All eyes will be on the man who toppled several apple carts and changed the paradigm as it were. Political discourse will never be the same again - historians will talk in terms of Pre-Modi and Post-Modi India. The biggest achievement of Elections 2014 is the final collapse of the class-caste mindset, and there can be no better example of that development having taken place than ‘Chaiwalla’ Modi. One of his cleverest comebacks to the ‘tea seller’ jibe was to use that very putdown to his advantage and make Mani Shanker Aiyar look like the biggest fool (which was easy!). While the Shezada and the Empress refused to read the writing on the wall, and while the Congress courtiers in Sonia’s Durbar, fiddled away, India was changing. And changing how! The young today really don’t give a damn about which politician went to Oxford ( Salman Khursid found that out when he lost) and which one sold tea. They backed the person who was like any one of them… only far more ambitious and intelligent. Modi’s team took an enormous gamble when it was decided to make NAMO the face and future of the BJP. His was the sort of  belligerent personality that antagonized and alienated the old school. A lot of concerned citizens had a problem with his handling of Godhra or, the more recent ‘Snoopgate’. These were and remain moral issues that cannot be swept under the carpet just because he has trounced the opposition. Perhaps, once the euphoria settles down a little, and the mundane day-to-day business of running the country as vast and complex as ours , becomes a reality, there will be sufficient distance and time to assess Modi sans prejudice, sans baggage. Till then, all eyes will be on the new government to see how old enemies, bitter rivals and trenchant critics are dealt with by Namo. More than any other person, how will the NDA deal with Robert Vadra ? Modi is known not to forget or forgive. There is widespread fear that he will go after those who have criticised him in the past …. those who opposed him… those who mocked him. Vendetta is a harsh and ugly word. If Modi proves his detractors wrong by not being vindictive or petty, he will win over many die hard opponents who, at the moment are watching their backs. What India needs is not a witch hunt, but a thorough clean up. And this is where Arvind Kejriwal’s jhaadoo played an important role. Never mind the AAP’s poor showing – even those four seats represent an important start for a fledgling political party which was shunned by big business and had no money to fight wealthy rivals. The creation of the Aam Aadmi was a vital step forward. It began as a one man crusade and grew into an authentic people’s movement . It will always  be seen as a defiant protest that  fearlessly took on the mighty . For doing  just that, we should thank Arvind Kejriwal.
As for Rahul Gandhi,let’s not crucify the Reluctant Prince. It was a tough job that was thrust on him. The poor guy tried. Alas, India did not find him good enough. The Congress party has been decimated. Which is a good thing. This signals the death of dynasty. And the rebirth of democracy.
Congratulations Narendra Modi. Here’s hoping India will prosper on all levels with you at the helm. An inclusive and equal India is a strong and stable India.

 Jai Hind!

Sushma Swaraj - Must you sulk????

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The two pics are unrelated, but I wanted to share them. The magnificent door, based on M.F.Husain's most celebrated motif, has been especially crafted for his daughter Raeesa Husain's main door.
The second image captures the glamour and oomph of the grand Lahore Lit Fest, especially the lavish evening for invitees hosted by Sehyr and Nasim Saigol at their fabulous bungalow. I am with one of my all time favourite women, the writer Tehmina Durrani - bruised and beautiful, as she braves countless storms.
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This appeared in Mumbai Mirror yesterday.
                        Why women sulk…we get it, Sushmaji
So… Sushma Swaraj has won by a staggering lead. Or… has she? Well, she has won her seat convincingly, enough. But she has lost her cool. Her core constituency expected better from her when she went into that great big sulk, feeling slighted and snubbed by the BJP bosses. I wish she hadn’t revealed her misgivings to the world. But now that she has conclusively proved her worth to the top brass, will she please stop brooding behind closed doors… and start lobbying for a plum cabinet post for herself ( Home, Finance, Defence, External Affairs)?  That’s what any man in her position would do after a win. Do it, Sushma!  For us! Here we were under the impression that Sushmaji was not just another Behenji. She came across as ruthless, as tough, as any of those men she routinely decimated during fiery Parliamentary debates. Then look what happened to that tough façade ! Phut! Sushma cracked … she behaved like…. like…. one of us! Us,ornery women  who sulk! In public, at that! And why was Sushma sulking? Because she felt she was being side-lined. Because she wasn’t being given sufficient ‘bhav’. Because her mentor ( L.K.Advani) was also being spurned. Because the two of them looked like abandoned members of a large joint family. Which  indeed, they were ! Abandoned and side-lined. Arrey…but why show it! Politics, like most things in life, is about acting.  Politicians are not allowed to display real emotions ( only fake emotions allowed). Politics is about strategy and stealth. And holding all your cards close to the chest. Had Sushma shrewdly concealed her (legitimate) hurt, smiled broadly for the cameras, and gone along happily to the Gandhinagar closed door summit, she would have emerged stronger.Unfortunately,when she pulled a sour face and skipped this key meeting, she showed her vulnerability and weakness. Worse, she paraded her vanity and ego (“ How dare they do this to ME! Don’t they know who I am?”). Big mistake.
Now the ball is in Namo’s court like never before. Between him, Amit Shah, Nitin Gadkari and Rajnath Singh, they will decide who gets what. Chances are Sushma may get left out in the cold. She may not get a portfolio of her choice. Ditto for L.K. Advani.This will be Sushma’s real test. How well she conducts herself when the prize distribution takes place, will determine her political future. That’s the trouble with us women. We let our hormones, our emotions get the better of us. We surrender to sentimentality a bit too swiftly. Our faces mirror our feelings. Our eyes give us away time and again. The cameras caught it all, as Sushma saw off a grim faced Rajnath Singh and her expression told its own story (“All is well?”  Ha!). This made way for speculation and gossip at a very crucial time for the party bosses ( by then, the laddoos had been ordered and the dholaks were out). What did Sushma  gain by revealing her miffed state?  Nothing. There’s a lesson in there for all of us. But, of course, we’ll never learn it. We will make the same mistake over and over again, and give the  natural advantage to adversaries out to demolish / diminish us. These persons can be relatives ( siblings, mothers-in-law, husbands ), or others ( colleagues, bosses, acquaintances). We sulk. They win. But what to do? Sulking is also pretty therapeutic! Women feel so much better after a heavy-duty sulk! Especially if they can be fooled into believing it has worked! And people are so clever at doing just that. Women get ‘manaoed’ and ‘patoed’ so easily! A few, sweet and insincere words of apology…a meaningless token gesture of contriteness, a hug… a kiss… a gift. Bas! We become putty.  We melt. We smile. We get had!
Sushma Swaraj is not us. She isn’t EVERYWOMAN. Sushma is in a league of her own ( I would have gladly supported her candidature had the BJP put her name up for the top job). But after these sulking fits, I am seriously concerned. Fight back, Sushma! Play their own game back to them. Right now, you are coming across as a ‘bechari’. But we all know you are not a ‘bechari’. You have everything going for you –an impressive personality, a powerful oratorical style that took your leader to the top, and most importantly, years of experience as a seasoned politician. This is the time to rise and shine. Prove your mettle as a person who leads from the front. There will be many who will try and keep you down. Stay focused. Stay aggressive.And demand that which is rightfully yours – a portfolio which utilizes your key skills and dynamism. Anything less, will be a waste of a valuable resource.

And for God’s sake, don’t sulk! Promise???

An Open Letter to Jaya Bachchan... and more.

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           Sorry about my long absence... I have some technical problem happening here. It's impossible for me to access my blog from my android phone. Which means I have to be home to post here. And since I work on an antiquated laptop with snail speed, it makes the entire operation somewhat daunting. But please don't give up on me! Keep those comments rolling...
This picture was clicked by my husband in Hong Kong last week.
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     An open letter to Jaya Bachchan…
Dear Jaya,
I have known you for over forty years. I write this in anguish and pain. You are a senior representative of the Samajwadi Party in Parliament. But much more than your political avatar, you are a sensitive woman -  a wife, mother, grand-mother. Why have you not spoken up against the sexual atrocities being committed in Uttar Pradesh involving defenceless young girls? Or against what happened in Meghalaya with a Garo woman who had her head blown off for resisting her attackers? What crime had this 35- year-old tribal woman from the South Garo Hills district in Meghalaya committed? Obviously, it was the same one committed by the two teenage Dalit girls strung up on a mango tree in front of their humble hut in UP’s Badaun district earlier - all three victims were  born into wretchedness. They died in wretchedness.Their crime was poverty. We in India, demand justice, all the while knowing, there’s none. Not so long as Akhilesh Yadav, the brash, young Chief Minister of Uttar Pradesh brazenly refuses to acknowledge the enormity of the crime. And he is not alone. Which makes me wonder : Has that most awful four-letter-word – RAPE – lost its impact on a society that has to deal with multiple rapes on  a daily basis? It certainly looks like nobody is willing to deal with these crimes, least of all, the authorities in UP. Here’s a nauseating comment from your senior SP leader Ramgopal Yadav, “ In most places when relationships between boys and girls come out in the open, it is termed as rape.” Jaya! Really!! Mulayam Singh’s response was still more arrogant, “ Google something else. Media’s job is to speculate.You do your work and let us do our work.” In other words ( pardon the French ),  “F**k off!”
 Jaya, I respect your outspokenness. And I have known you to speak your mind on several issues in the past. I appeal to you through this column, to break your silence on these ghastly, grisly, gory incidents, which have made it to the International press and generated enough of a backlash to provoke UN Secretary General Ban Ki-Moon into issuing a strongly worded condemnation of the Badaun incident. He  damned the ‘Boys will be boys’ comment and added, “Together we can empower more people to understand that violence against women degrades us all.” Going beyond the terrible press India has been receiving in this case, and also going beyond commercial issues (“ The advisory will impact tourism… foreign women will avoid visiting India ”), the more immediate concern is this: what can we do to stop such savagery? Jaya Bachchan, you can certainly play a powerful role in educating your political mentors by pointing out the immorality of their despicable behavior to them. If they fail to pay any heed to your advice, it would be best for you to disassociate yourself from this pathetic lot and resign from such a morally bankrupt party. That would win you a great deal of national respect.  Can you do that? Will you?
I was in Meghalaya a few weeks ago, and had the chance to interact with exceptional Garo women. We discussed several challenges faced by them in a rapidly changing society which is slowly coming to terms with new cultural contours that don’t always respect tribal traditions. Tragically,the blood curdling attempted rape and eventual murder of the 35-year-old Garo wife-and-mother could have happened to any woman in the village. Her assailants used an AK-rifle to blow her head off in the presence of her five children, after locking up her husband. There is cold bloodedness, sadism and sexual frustration evident here. Just as there was in the Badaun case. And just as there is in every rape that was ever perpetrated. Let’s not create categories for rape (“ This one involved guns…. and  is therefore worse than the other ones which used knives, ropes, stones”). A rape is a rape. It’s a crime not just against women but against humanity itself. Unless we are prepared to see it in that context, we will continue to downplay rape as something that happens when men can’t find a willing partner and attack the first woman… child… they come across.

 Do it Jaya. Force the SP top dogs to act against the murderers. You owe it to your countless fans. And to yourself.
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     Mumbai Mirror last Saturday...                     
                      Smriti Irani keeps the flag flying….
For  Smriti Irani, achhey din aa gaye hain. And why not?  On the dramatic day  of the swearing in ceremony ,Smriti appeared on several channels when it was known she was going to be an important member of Prime Minister Narendra Modi’s cabinet. Smriti presented a picture of equipoise and confidence. There wasn’t a trace of exaggerated emotion as she calmly answered the standard questions (“How has the journey been so far… how do you see the journey for the next few years?”). An overawed Arnab Goswami gushed uncharacteristically as he kept repeating how Smriti at 38 , was the youngest cabinet minister  to hold office at the centre. He also mentioned Najma Heptullah’s age several times ( 78). And remarked how Najma was the oldest minister in Modi’s cabinet. And I thought to myself how perceptions have altered! Two strong, determined women representing different generations in the same cabinet. The best part about Smriti Irani’s remarkable career track has been her visible growth ( pardon, the pun). More, much more than her weight, it is her impressive evolution as an articulate and dynamic political leader, respected for her sobriety, clarity, modesty and commitment that has propelled her to her current job( Minister HRD). These are four key qualities which have paid Smriti rich dividends.When asked for the hundredth time about her ‘journey’, Smriti replied simply and patiently, “Let me be honest. I come from a lower middle class home. When I was growing up, all we could think of was having a roof over our head and a job to hang on to.”  This is the sort of transparent, down to earth admission that today’s India immediately connects with. No bombast. No bragging. The follow up question about losing in Amethi to Rahul Gandhi was dealt with equally gracefully when Smriti acknowledged her defeat without making any silly excuses. There was maturity and balance in all her responses. And this is what her admirers will look out for as she takes charge of her portfolio and gets down to work.
Smriti sure has come a long, long way from the time she was the darling of millions, playing the role of an overburdened ‘bahu’ in Ekta Kapoor’s breakthrough serial which had the nation completely hooked. Her transition from a mega television star to a BJP spokesperson happened seamlessly. At each turning point, Smriti found just the right words, the right tone, the right perspective. This couldn’t have been easy at a time when Modi was the favourite punching bag of the media and was routinely hauled over the coals for his controversial remarks and unconventional policies. Unlike her more agitated counterparts thrust into this unenviable role (defending the indefensible, night after tiresome night). Smriti remained super calm, opting for measured discourse over high pitched rhetoric. It was said she was Narendra Modi’s chosen one. It was equally obvious why she was in such an envied position. It would be most unfair to  sneer at  Smriti  for being the Boss’ pet. Managing so many egos within and outside her party, will be her new challenge. But what’s the bet Smriti will score over some of her more aggressive colleagues and maintain the dignity of her office? That’s the thing about some fortunate Power Ladies of today – they know exactly how to maintain the all important balance in their lives. We in Asia, are accustomed to women in positions that come with mega clout.We are equally accustomed to women so frighteningly marginalized, they don’t even have a shot at survival, forget anything else.
 In a scenario that is so dramatically divergent, someone like a Smriti Irani stands out just for being a sensible ‘aam aurat’, who has worked bloody hard to get to her position. From this moment on, her life will be transformed forever. She will be watched and monitored like never before. A huge responsibility rests on her shoulders. And the media, as we know too well, is not known to be kind towards high profile individuals dealing with challenging assignments. Somewhere, there is a nasty little spot inside most critics who wait for signs of weakness…. who wait for mistakes…. who wait to pounce on someone in the limelight. Especially if that someone is like a Smriti Irani … a comfortable-in-her-skin politician, ready to break the stereotype and take on adversaries, without once losing her dignity and self respect. Most significantly, Smriti does not threaten other women. One generation has grown up thinking of her as the beleaguered woman next door. A friendly padosan they can enjoy chai ,dhokla  and gupshup with. This is a huge plus – and Smriti is smart enough to recognize it as one.
Smriti Irani  has made ‘Gharelu’ cool. Good for Smriti Irani.
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This appeared in The Week...
           Why I feel sorry for Sonia Gandhi….
I am feeling exceedingly sorry for Sonia Gandhi -  not the politician, but the mother. Look at what happened recently – the soul destroying defeat of the Congress party, led by her beloved son, Rahul Gandhi was blamed squarely on the ma-beta combo. Not only was this the most humiliating moment for India’s oldest political party, but for Sonia Gandhi, it was also an admission that her son had flopped. And flopped  badly. Sonia did indeed take that to heart, as was obvious at the briefest press conference any national leader has held, during which Sonia conceded defeat, and all but yanked a broadly smiling Rahul away from the harsh glare of the spotlight, before the poor chap  made an even bigger fool of himself. Yes, she managed to recover her equilibrium a little after scowling, sulking and refusing to congratulate Narendra Modi after he was declared the prime minister designate. Since then, she has consistently refused to smile! Yes, she and sonny boy did the right thing by attending the historic swearing in ceremony and thereby avoiding another controversy. But Sonia’s grim visage told its own story. That  particular narrative has a lot to do with her disappointment with Rahul – the Prince who failed to deliver a royal result. It’s hard to say who one feels sorrier for – the mother or the son, in this case. My sympathies are with Sonia.
Let’s be honest, she has led a tough life. Not just as the widow of an assassinated prime minister, but also as one of the most feared / hated women on the subcontinent. No matter what her admirers claim, Sonia never managed to win our hearts. Whether that had to do with her aloofness, or the fact that her Italian origins acted as a barrier, despite her best efforts to become ‘one of us’, the truth is Sonia remained an outsider. Very few people understood what she was all about. The original sympathy wave was eventually replaced by resentment. This simmering anger against her was rarely articulated, such was her power and hold over the party. Sonia was perceived as a deep, secretive, closed individual, who showed zero tolerance towards anybody who opposed her diktats. The ‘official’ Prime Minister, Manmohan Singh, was reduced to a pathetic figurehead, unable or unwilling to assert himself, particularly during his second lackluster term in office. All this was discussed soto voce by courtiers too timid to take on ‘Madam’. And soon this paranoia extended to Madam’s son, the sweet Dimpled Darling, who lived in La La land and did what Mummy wanted him to.
Sonia must have nurtured many dreams for her handsome boy. If that were not the case, she would have left the country right after Rajiv Gandhi’s tragic death, as many Gandhi family well wishers expected her to. But Sonia is made of sterner stuff – she stayed. And waited. And that is where her calculations misfired. For all the careful grooming and nurturing she invested in her mild mannered son, the poor chap just couldn’t live up to the high expectations that were thrust on him, not just by his mother, but the entire country.
Rahul is still a happy-go-lucky bachelor boy. That must worry Sonia the mother. While Priyanka put up a fine show campaigning for mum and brother, there is the Robert Vadra factor looming large on the political horizon. Uma Bharati had made a categorical statement saying the next government would send Vadra to jail. Apart from this threat and other vexing family issues, Sonia will be coping with stepped up criticism from within the party she has so far controlled and dominated, without having to tolerate even a murmur of criticism against her autocratic style of  functioning .With Congressman Milind Deora boldly opening the Pandora’s box and questioning Rahul’s leadership, Sonia has a tough job of  fire fighting ahead of her. Given the fragile state of her own health (surely, it’s time she revealed the nature of this mysterious ailment?), Sonia’s decline in strictly political terms, seems imminent and inevitable. This may be the hardest part for Sonia to swallow. And one wonders  -  what next? Will Rahul finally find a suitable girl and bring her home to mummy? Will Priyanka decide to take the plunge and relieve both – her mother and brother of their responsibilities? Will the family business declare bankruptcy and call it a day after six decades of running an enterprise called India?
Above all, will Sonia the Supermom, sensibly step back and allow her son to make up his own mind as to what he wants to do with his life? Clearly, Rahul has not inherited the dominant political gene from the Gandhi family pool. Sonia needs to respect the verdict of the country, and that verdict is pretty unambiguous -  Rahul is not the change India was looking for.
Sorry, Sonia. Rahul’s a lovely chap. But Mother India needed another son.

The Big " O" - Optimistic India!

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This picture was taken at the Flamenco- Gypsies Festival. 3 days of magic under the stars!
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This appeared in Asian Age...
                               The Big ‘O’….
Okay, here’s a chhotasa clarification for the innocents and prudes out there who are reading this: Bluntly put, the Big ‘O’ stands for  ‘Orgasm’. And unlike Diego Maradona who gushed, “ To beat Brazil in the final, in their own country, would be an orgasm’, this column is not about football. And the Big ‘O’ here stands for Optimism.  Desi optimism.There’s just no getting away from that blessed word these days. India is on a high. And every uncle one meets socially is busy dancing a jig and talking in rapturous terms about  this khaas optimism.Of course, the new, elevated mood has to do with the new government. Narendra Modi is here! And he will be leading the country out of a decade of darkness. Ironically, of course, soon after the Modi sarkar said, ‘Let there be light’, the power failed in Delhi! Never mind the depressing start to a century of  dazzle, poor Piyush Goyal was forced to go into instant damage control mode and resort to the oldest trick in the book – a trick that had been mastered by the Congresswallas – passing the buck. While Delhi cursed and sweltered in temperatures that would have been murderous even without the power cut, BJP  Netas assured agitators  they would fix the problem in two weeks, after pointing out it was all the fault of that wretched storm which brought down a couple of towers. But mainly it was the fault of the wretched UPA government. Granted, Piyush was not too far off the mark there, but one hopes buck passing is not going to become a regular feature of the new government. For, don’t forget, the key word to keep throwing around these days is ‘OPTIMISM’. And optimistic people don’t blame others. They tackle problems head on themselves.
At one of those dreary diplomatic functions ( warm wine, smelly suits, lousy food and fake conversations), three fellows walked up to ask whether I was also feeling – you’ve guessed it – optimistic.Never mind my answer! Later, at an informal dinner, close friends kept knocking back Camparis and saying how ‘optimistic’ they were feeling. At my favourite Bhaji (vegetable) gulley in Colaba, the mood was equally optimistic. The vendor selling lichees ( not the tainted ones from Kolkata, he kept assuring me), also told me about his optimism. My regular silversmith ( Gujarati) offered me a plate of dhokla with oversweet tea saying he was optimistic business would look up soon. A fancy educationist who runs a successful  commerce college, squeezed my hand warmly and cooed, “ I am so optimistic… my students are so optimistic… the young in India are so optimistic.” Great! Happy for you, honey! But why does nobody want to specify what he/she is so optimistic about!
With so much optimism going around, is there any space left for a teensy-weensy reality check? Is that even allowed? These days, it’s better to ask in advance what’s allowed and what isn’t . I mentioned this to one of India’s most successful industrialists, and he looked miffed. “ This is the time reserved for optimism.  Only optimism. We have to remain optimistic and focus on development. Look at the Sensex. Look at what’s happening across the board.” At another gathering of  ‘those who matter’, a few business people shuffled off when they sensed a slight dip in the optimism levels of our small group. Someone said, “No cynicism,please. India is rising….” Mild applause greeted this remark. “ Overall development is the need of the hour. We must remain optimistic,” an earnest aunty commented. Suddenly, I felt like we were all a part of Salvador Dali’s world. Or participating in the 21stcentury adaptation of Alice in Wonderland. To me, this kind of optimism is scary. I mention this as a response to a long letter I received from a gentleman who wanted  me to take back my words ‘for the sake of optimism… the young in India need optimism.”  His unsolicited advice was polite but somewhat menacing.
It’s come to a point I gag each time I hear the word ‘optimism’.  I want to shout, Hello! I  AM an optimist, okay? Have always been one. If I choose to articulate what I am observing / feeling / thinking / living…  does that make me less optimistic? Or more?? I would say more. For, I am optimistic enough to believe we still live in a vibrant, free environment that respects all kinds of divergent viewpoints and opinions. Am I wrong in thinking that? Am I the only one living under the false illusion that free speech is still a deeply cherished attribute? Or that democracy will protect individuals who don’t always conform to the diktats of  the majority in power? The simple answer is ‘Yes’. I do believe India values my freedoms as it does the freedoms of all its citizens.  I would say, this non-negotiable position makes me the ultimate optimist.  Perhaps, it’s time to redefine the true meaning of optimism. As of now, there is just one interpretation, one version. I wouldn’t call that optimism at all. A better description for this all-pervasive emotion which is dominating our lives right now is wish fulfillment. A billion plus wishes are posted on a long, long list. Even if a fraction of those wishes are granted, then perhaps we can truly go from being a not-so-Incredible India to a euphoric Optimistic India!
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An era of Shuddh Hindi Romance coming up...?

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This appeared in Sunday Times
    An era of  Shudh Hindi Romance coming up…?
 Perhaps, I should have written this column in Hindi. I have nothing against Hindi. Or any other language for that matter. In India, we have 22 official languages to choose from. Each one of those languages is rich and profound. Most Indians possess impressive language skills and can communicate reasonably well in four or five languages. Hindi is just one of them. So is English - our chutneyfied version of  it - which deserves official recognition as an Indian language. Apart from our mother tongues, many of us are fluent in at least  two more languages. This is an enormous national asset. Hindi has not been declared India’s national language so far.  And regardless of what the political class assumes, Hindi is neither spoken nor understood beyond North India. Even in Maharashtra where I live, Hindi is, at best , a second language after Marathi. Since both languages use the Devnagiri script,  people can read simple sentences without too much difficulty. That’s not the case in other States.  Mumbai has its own version of  spoken Hindi , popularly referred to as ‘Bambaiya’. This is street speak at its most colourful with a vivid use of  racy colloquialisms. I find ‘Bambaiya’ totally ‘Jhakaas’ – and I challenge anybody to come up with a shuddh Hindi substitute for that delicious exclamation.
Which is why, it is awfully annoying to note that the new government, while still taking baby steps managing our vast country, is sending out a few directives that are entirely out of sync with the mood of the nation. Take the recent Home Ministry order instructing government departments to stick to Hindi on social media platforms – sorry, this is not going to fly. Why the hell should someone who does not use Hindi as a primary language be compelled to express himself / herself in it? This smacks of an insidious attempt to gradually impose Hindi as THE language across India. And that , is not going to be accepted by a vast majority of Indians. DMK Chief, M. Karunanidhi stated as much when he said, “ This amounts to an attempt to treat Non-Hindi speakers as second class citizens.” Jayalalithaa has written a letter of protest as well. Government departments are manned by people from all over India. Their official accounts on social media are accessed by anybody and everybody interested in following what’s going on in the corridors of power. Why should such communication be restricted to Hindi? To counter argue – why not Bengali? Tamil? Urdu? Telugu? Why should Hindi alone be given this special status? NDA allies are unhappy, and so are many Indians, who believe in national integrity.
The real fear isn’t about the domination of Hindi in a country that is blessed by such a multiplicity of complex languages and dialects (over 2,000 and still counting!). For six decades, we have functioned just fine with our crazy khichdi of assorted linguistic flavours enhancing communication. Language is about reaching out and embracing differences of all kinds. Language is about expression and influence. Language is fluid and fantastic. It evolves organically and changes with each generation making unique contributions to it. There are other ways to ‘unify’ India, surely? Every language has its own unique cultural identity and status. It creates and occupies its own special space in history. Hindi is a beautiful language. But In India we are fortunate enough to have many, equally beautiful languages. It is important to respect linguistic diversities and not allow any one language group to overshadow the rest.  Let’s get this straight – all languages are equal in a democracy.

The new government has started off on a positive note with many worthy programmes and projects. For the ‘achhe din’ to continue, a re-look at some recent initiatives is urgently required. From the sacking of Governors to the stubborn refusal to deal firmly with Minister of State Nihalchand Meghwal ,  there have been significant missteps that cannot be easily overlooked.  The expectations riding on Modi’s government may be unrealistically high – but this Sarkar is obliged to live up to them, given the overwhelming mandate it has received. The ‘D-Word’ – Development – is a deadly one. It cannot be seen in isolation to mean economic development alone. Giving Hindi precedence over other languages (English included), could lead to resentment and hostility, divisiveness and suspicion. The most common fear being : It’s Hindi today. What will it be tomorrow? That’s a legitimate enough concern. Perhaps, the  new sarkar was merely testing the waters to gauge the response to the ‘Hindi Only’ instructions. Instead of looking ahead and hastening the globalization process via easy and accessible communication systems, we will be taking ten steps into the past. India could do with a massive dose of positivity and patriotism after a decade of fragmentation, frustration and chaos. Why not start by leaving the language option open to users? Otherwise, there will be many who’ll accuse the sarkar of  ‘ullu banaoing’ citizens by trying to push Hindi down their throats. Nahi chalega! Nahi chalega! Yeh dil maange more – language-wise and otherwise.
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This appeared in Mumbai Mirror
Will the real Nihalchand please stand up?
One of the most cowardly lines in government lingo is “We’ll look into the matter.” When this annoying line gets tossed around while a 20-year-old woman is running from pillar to post fighting for justice… and quite possibly, her life, just hearing those meaningless words makes our blood boil. Because we know what the phrase actually means – it means zilch! Illey. By the time the authorities get around to ‘looking into the matter’, the traumatized woman may just be dead. That’s how bad it is. That’s how callous it has always been. Except, this time the narrative is different. It involves a Minister in Narendra Modi’s newly formed cabinet. It is he who is being accused of rape by the victim. And while he runs away from the media, refusing to respond to the charges, there is a bunch of inept BJP spokespersons ‘looking into the matter’. While these chaps continue to look, Nihalchand Meghwal, Modi’s Minister of State for Chemicals and Fertilisers, calmly cools his heels and buys time, waiting for his political mentors to bail him out. And, no matter what outraged citizens feel, the brazen Minister will not step down! Worse, party bosses are backing him all the way.
On Arnab Goswami’s Newshour, a certain Mr. Rao suggested this was a case of mistaken identity and that the woman, who was 17 years old when she was repeatedly raped by – get this – 17 men, had got it all wrong!  He also insisted that the Nihalchand named by her, was a different Nihalchand - not the Minister! He went on to make the most preposterous comments about his co-panelists, audaciously saying some of us were ‘hallucinating’. Stuck with the lousiest job on earth (defending a colleague accused of rape and intimidation), Mr. Rao also dug his own grave in the bargain. Even assuming all of us were on hallucinatory drugs that night, what could Rao have said to save the Minister’s butt? The story is sordid enough, if true. According to the charges, a tender 17- year-old bride’s husband – yes, husband – pimped her to friends and influential people, in return for favours. Allegedly, the girl was drugged during these encounters and forced to oblige. When she did file a  police complaint against her tormentors, the case was closed and her charges dubbed ‘false and fabricated’. Ditto happened at the District Court. It is only after she filed a review petition that an additional district judge issued notices to Meghwal and 16 others.
 Once that happened, the story changed dramatically. The woman now claims the Minister’s goons come to her village every day to intimidate and threaten her. She says the Minister has offered her a job and large sums of money to delete his name from her complaint. Let’s take the most cynical scenario here, and assume the woman is lying through her teeth. Let’s give the men the benefit of the doubt and feel sorry for them. Let’s accept they could have been framed. Should the imbroglio end there? No way, Jose. It’s too late for that now. One of them is a liar. Which one? The woman is poor and to all appearances, fighting a lone battle against powerful men pitted against her. Their lives aren’t under threat. Hers is. What is the truth ? “ Let the courts decide” is the other cliché one hears over and over again. Given the snail pace of justice, that could take twenty or more years.  The woman will be 40- years- old by then. Nobody will remember the case or even the Minister’s name. Perhaps, that is the intention – to tire out a victim till someone either drops dead, or runs out of physical/monetary resources to pursue the case.
Most times, women facing sexual exploitation (whether within the family or outside it), are made to feel responsible for the abuse and placed on the backfoot. Terrorising a victim into silence is easy. Generally, it is via threats to her person. This case is murkier still, since her husband is involved. This is not all that uncommon. There are any number of  pimp-husbands in Mumbai ( Bollywood , corporate India, Police and other government agencies), who are notorious for  exploiting their wives. Nobody talks about it openly. But everybody knows who they are. We have men in Parliament who are complete rogues – bigamists, serial adulterers, paedophiles, black mailers and worse. Nihalchand’s will be one more case that will be ‘looked into’ eventually… if ever. Meanwhile, a 20-year-old victim has been asked by the cops if she can name witnesses and provide accurate dates when the alleged rapes took place!
 You decide who is hallucinating / concocting/ fabricating material here….while anonymous authorities promise to ‘look into the matter’.
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This appeared on the NDTV blog...
                               It’s not about Preity alone…
That’s the damn problem with celebrity spats – the personal becomes more important than the larger issues raised. When such spats involve a beautiful and brave former ‘Bollywood star’, who is facing a slow and painful fade out, and a volatile rich man, who happens to be a former lover and current business partner, it’s a made-for-media story all the way. The easiest thing to do with all the juicy material flying around is to dismiss it as a high profile lovers’ tiff, as certain journos with deeply vested interests have tried to do. Once you reduce the case to nothing more serious than a former girl friend’s public pique at being dumped and possibly replaced by a younger, hotter woman,perspectives change and opinions alter. In Bambaiyaspeak, it becomes another flippant Bollywood ‘lafda’, worth milking by scoop- famished mediawallas .  It also makes Zinta look bad. Perhaps, that’s the whole idea. Preity is being projected as either a ‘poor thing’ who can’t handle rejection, or a neurotic, high –pitched , out of control woman chasing publicity at any cost. This is grossly unfair to Zinta. As it would be to any other woman caught in similar circumstances.
Let’s be honest : It takes guts to file an FIR against a powerful person who has allegedly been abusive in public. Abuse is abuse – verbal, physical, sexual. This is not a fight between equals. Pitted against Zinta is a wealthy, well connected, individual. Zinta will find herself increasingly isolated, not just by her own film industry colleagues (evasive!), but even by those in her social circuit. That’s Mumbai. Zinta is no longer regarded as a force to reckon with in Bollywood – she has made too many professional mistakes - turning a flop producer being the latest. That’s how it goes in the movie business – a female star is only as valuable as her last week’s box office collections. Most fans will find it difficult to recall Zinta’s last commercial hit. Becoming the part owner of an IPL team that narrowly missed the cup this season, has ensured a certain level of visibility.But the debacle that took place at the stadium on 30th May, and which is dominating media space right now, will only erode whatever is left of the PZ brand. India is not terribly kind to strong willed, outspoken women who are dubbed ‘trouble makers’ if they dare to raise their voices, especially against men. Zinta is such a woman. In the past, she has bravely stood up to pressure tactics by being the only witness to stand by earlier statements against the Indian Mafia in the notorious Bharat Shah case of  2003.Today, she’s at the centre of another ugly controversy and is being hauled over the coals across social media platforms.  Why not let the cops get on with their job? It must be noted that Zinta has not accused anybody of  molestation –sexual or otherwise. Her lawyer has sensibly relied on a Supreme Court verdict which specifies that the real test is whether an action “shocks the  sense of decency of a woman.”  If  Zinta was indeed called a “fucking whore”, a “ fucking bitch”  in the presence of several people inside a stadium,as she claims, and reminded of the fact that she is just a ‘bloody actress’, one would think it definitely qualifies as a fit case that must have shocked her sense of decency – as it would, any woman’s. And since Zinta’s ‘class’ was also allegedly questioned in the exchange, it is appropriate to point out that generally it is the abuser who displays his / her true class….not the victim!

The saga of the missing suitcase...

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This appeared in Mumbai Mirror today....it tells its own story. Do look out for other, more positive stories about my recent trip. Am still figuring out how to upload pictures from my smartphone onto the blog! If some of you smart people know how, do let me know....TiE Retreat at Tenerife was super fun. And I have great pics to go with that narrative...
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                         The saga of the missing suitcase…
I am back. And so is the missing bag! This is nothing short of a mini-miracle. Here’s why: Instead of losing my cool, throwing purple fits and creating a hungama when there was no trace of my bag at the end of five days in London, I decided to channel my inner Gandhi and stage a peaceful satyagraha at the British Airways check-in counter, Terminal 5, Heathrow before taking the flight home. I calmly told William at counter D2, that I was not leaving the airport till my missing bag was located. My voice was calm and my gaze, steady. I  had tried everything but with zero success. Then, I said to myself, if Gandhiji could have chased the British out of India armed with nothing more than patience and a firm resolve, I would adopt the same tactic…and win. Well, it worked! William helpfully suggested a strategy that he said was a ‘little unusual’. Was I game for it? I was! I had nothing to lose  and everything to gain after hitting my head against a stone wall. I was willing to try any trick in the book. To cut a long story short, I was asked to go three levels down to where lost baggage is stored. It’s like a graveyard of abandoned suitcases from across the world.   In that gigantic pile of orphaned bags, I actually managed to spot mine! Bingo. Gandhiji had scored again.
There is a moral attached to this story: I discovered a lot about myself and more about life in general when I found out my bag had disappeared. I mentally kissed the contents of the suitcase goodbye -  my clothes, shoes, toiletries and a few sentimental items of jewellery. Once I did that, I was free! It really didn’t matter a damn after a point whether I was walking around London in flip flops and travel gear. It was such a liberating feeling . And to those I met who stared strangely at me, well, if they were going to judge me by my casual footwear and super casual clothes, it was their loss, not mine! I also knew there was no personal conspiracy against me. Thousands of  BA passengers were in the same boat and a massive technical glitch had led to this sorry situation. But here’s what BA could have done, should have done, but didn’t…
1.     Clearly there was a systems breakdown that had led to one of the worst failures in baggage delivery across time zones and continents. Whatever the nature of the technical glitch, BA should have been more forthright, apologized for the enormous inconvenience caused and immediately offered some relief to affected passengers. That didn’t happen. Worse, calls went unanswered, or entirely misleading assurances were jauntily given (“ the luggage courier is on the way to deliver your bag”). With zero transparency and no explanations, passengers were left frustrated and fuming, cursing BA all the way.Were the bags  in London at all, or were they floating around some distant airport at the other end of the world? A word of advice to BA : All it takes is one phone call, one sincere apology, one truthful statement to pacify distraught passengers. Systems do break down. We get it. But please have the basic courtesy to explain the problem, and then set it right.
2.     From a passenger’s point of view, here is what I learned : Keep your phone charger in your handbag for those emergency calls you may have to make and can’t because the battery  has died on you. Keep personal jewellery in a small pouch in your handbag. Better still, travel without the real thing. Faux is better than lost !
3.     Travel light. Stick to basics. Mix and match. Don’t pack too many options. Five days without my ‘things’ – stuff, I thought I couldn’t live without, made me realize how much junk I was lugging around.
4.     Keep all shopping receipts carefully. You’ll need them when you claim compensation on your return. I had to buy virtually everything from scratch…it was tedious, time consuming and expensive.
5.     Hang on to boarding cards, baggage tags and any paperwork that could help track the missing bag. Make sure to have your name and address prominently displayed on the bag, or else you may have to wade through a sea of identical looking bags before you find yours.
6.     Get to the airport well in advance leaving sufficient time to double check whether the bags have made it on the same flight. Maintain a comfortable two hour gap between connecting flights. Keep extra copies of all travel documents on your person.

7.     Happy travels. Remember : Mental baggage stays home. Asli baggage stays with you. 

Vaidik is no Amanpour!

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This appeared in Sunday Times
                                 Errr… Ved Pratap Vaidik…. Who dat????
 Let’s be honest, Shri Ved Prakash Vaidik is no Christiane Amanpour. For all we know or care, he could well be just another cranky old man looking for instant publicity. Well, in that case, he got it. Ved Pratap Vaidek may fervently desire to position himself as a legend in his own lifetime. He may have pretty grandiose notions about himself. But chances are, the average Indian reader was clueless about this person’s identity or existence, till he shot into notoriety overnight, spewing fire across television channels, clad in a bright tangerine jacket. Perhaps that was the whole objective… the real game plan. And all of us fell for it! The man who recently broke bread with Hafiz Saeed ( one of the world’s most dreaded terrorists) in Pakistan, clearly fancies himself as an ace negotiator, a major international player, an ‘intermediary’… and  a journalist of repute. Let him! But to disrupt parliamentary proceedings because of him, to demand his arrest, and to invest hours and hours on decoding ‘that’ meeting, amounts to a national waste of time, money and energy. Is he a fake, a fraudster, a traitor, a conman, a spy, a double agent? At this point, nobody knows! Who the hell is Vaidik? Does it matter what he says and to whom in Pakistan? Frankly, it doesn’t. The only angle worth pursuing in this case is WHY Vaidik met Saeed? And in what capacity ? Saeed, has a bounty of 10 million US dollars on his head, making him as important a catch to America, as Osama Bin Laden . Vaidik claims it was nothing more than journalistic curiosity that led him to Saeed. Well, any other journo in Vaidik’s place would also have jumped at the chance to interview someone who is up there on the world’s most wanted list -  the  criminal known as the mastermind behind the 26/11Mumbai attacks of 2008. Vaidik himself has been annoyingly vague about  the mysterious ‘Track 2’ mission that kept him in Pakistan for weeks, long after other delegates to a one day seminar had come back. Panelists/ analysts drew their own dramatic conclusions. The important question is not whether Vaidik went to Pakistan as a Congress plant or a BJP emissary. He needs to tell us how the hell he got access to Saeed? And who arranged it for him? The ‘whys’ will become obvious once that is established.
Since India’s self- proclaimed ace journalist is playing coy about what exactly was discussed during his encounter with Saeed ( all we know is Vaidek was served tea and perhaps, sympathy). Two political parties are busy playing ‘passing-the-pillow’ with Vaidik  right now. No matter what tall claims he makes, Vaidik belongs to the Baba Ramdev School of Journalism .This much, however, is known - Vaidek  did not tape this crucial, once in a lifetime interview! Can you believe that? Nor has Vaidik filed this ‘world exclusive’ as any legit journo would have. Unless, there is no story in the first place and the whole thing is a monumental hoax .What we do know is that Vaidek offered the world’s most loathed murderer  some entirely gratuitous, brotherly advice, and aired his own nonsensical views on Kashmir. Frankly, what a waste of an opportunity! Any cub reporter in Vaidek’s place would have asked Saeed a few tough, pointed questions about the horrific Mumbai terror attacks and Saeed’s role in them. Vaidik preferred to lecture him instead (“You’ll be held accountable by Khuda…”) ! Or so he claims. Given the tight security around Saeed, how did Vaidik  manage to crack it, when even America’s top agents  have failed to do so? How?? Why was Vaidik  the Chosen One for this momentous ‘interview’? Who picked him? Anybody who has visited Pakistan will tell you it is impossible to move around  freely and meet  whosoever you wish. Yet,Vaidik managed to meet Pakistan’s most protected man!

 The whole thing is beginning to sound like a cock and bull story. A set up, intended to distract attention from something bigger… something more ominous. While Vaidik’s next move is worth monitoring, for now we should drop the drama. As a citizen of India, Vaidik is well within his democratic rights to meet anybody in the world – Hafiz Saeed included. Vaidik has not committed a crime. He has merely goofed up. As have Saeed’s handlers. If Hafiz wanted to make a noise in India, he should have picked a more competent journo. Someone with credibility and political astuteness ( no shortage of those here!).  But he picked a megalomaniac who boasts non-stop about his own achievements. Even those who are agitating and asking for Vaidik’s head, should know they are wasting their breath . He really has nothing of any value to share with us. Whether or not he belongs to the RSS , is hardly relevant. He calls himself a journalist. But he blew the biggest scoop of his career! Christiane Amanpour  would never have done that. And she would definitely have worn a different coloured jacket on camera!
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                     NDTV Blog 2               
                                     “I am 6… what does RAPE, mean?”
“ Mummy, mummy… I am not feeling well…. something is paining… please take me to doctor uncle…. I don’t want to go to school…. Mummy , pleeeeease… make the pain go! I hate school…”
This could well have been what the traumatized 6 year-old-girl from Bengaluru said to her mother, after her tiny body was brutally violated  by a sex-fiend she trusted in her school.The monster has finally been identified as skating instructor, 30- year-old Mustafa (Munna), married and a father of a 3- year-old daughter. More than 5000 outraged citizens registered their protest at a rally outside the prestigious school and demanded action from the Police Commissioner,Raghavendra Auradkar. Had that demonstration not taken place, Mustafa  would still have been at it with other defenseless victims, given his history (he was sacked from another school for inappropriate conduct). Mustafa’s deviant behavior has been disclosed by the police after seizing his mobile phone and laptop containing evidence of child pornography photos and videos.
Why did a reputed school employ a paedophile in the first place?
Why was this person not thoroughly screened given that he’d been dismissed from another school after questions were raised over his character?
Why did this school take so long to react to such a serious charge by a parent?
Whose responsibility is it to ensure children are safe in schools?
 I would say, the buck stops with the school management. Our children are in their sole care once they enter the school gates. School authorities are obliged to ensure every child on the premises is safe and secure at all times – whatever it takes. Unconditional trust is what parents invest in when they pay those fat fees to get their kids into a ‘good school’. In this case, the 6- year- old allegedly suffered from a learning disability. Which means the school ought to have shown an even higher level of   responsibility/sensitivity towards her safety. If that has not happened, the school must be penalized. In other parts of the world, a school that is seen as being callous and negligent towards those in its care, would risk losing its license. In India, it works differently. Most ‘good’ schools behave like they are doing parents a favour by admitting their kids. Such schools become a law unto themselves and operate in such a high handed fashion, it’s virtually impossible to nail them for all the wrongs they get away with. Parents don’t have the guts to challenge school authorities. And those very authorities mock parents for their legitimate concerns, since very often such schools ‘accommodate’ children of politicians, police officers and bureaucrats.
It is time to demand complete transparency from our pampered private schools. They must disclose the antecedents of teachers and instructors on their payrolls. Background checks of  bus drivers  and other service providers must be made mandatory. The Principal has to be held accountable when a crime takes places on the premises.
Why should parents be compelled to take to the streets before cops respond when a child is abused? How is it possible that nobody but nobody noticed Mustafa’s perverse tendencies, considering there were other victims who have now come forward with similar charges against him ?
Let this be a landmark case. It takes one 6-year-old to break the ominous silence and nail a criminal. Well, this frightened little girl has done just that. Here’s hoping the Benguluru child rape incident opens society’s eyes to all that is abysmally wrong in the system . Schools are our children’s second homes. Principals and teachers, their foster parents. Protect our kids – that is not just your job, but a deep and abiding moral responsibility.
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This appeared in the Mumbai Mirror
We  really are the rudest people on earth!
Dateline: July 14th. Occasion : Bastille Day Celebrations. Venue: The Crystal Room at the Taj Palace Hotel. Guest list : Well-heeled invitees. Host : Monsieur Jean-Raphael Peytregnet, Consul General of France, and his wife, Madame Zhun. The invitation card carried the exact time of the formalities for the evening. These are an essential part of such celebrations. It said the two National anthems (India and France) will be played at 8 45 pm. And as is the standard drill during National Day celebrations of any country, short speeches by the host are mandatory, followed by the traditional toast. This protocol  is strictly adhered to not just in India, but across the world.  It doesn’t require more than  fifteen minutes to complete. Surely, invitees are aware of this before they accept? But the shenanigans that took place on the 14th night were so shameful, I am sure not just our hosts that night, but several other  diplomats present were left wondering about our complete lack of respect for the occasion and the shocking absence of basic etiquette we displayed. What an awful impression we created!And how brazenly we ruined the  brief ceremony . It was perhaps for the very first time that a foreign host ( the refined and erudite Consul General himself) had to repeatedly ask for silence, before finally losing his cool and reminding guests it was “not polite” to keep chattering loudly while the speeches were on. Even this direct slap on the face did not stop boisterous invitees  from carrying on with their noisy conversations! The poor woman in charge of announcements, kept ssssshhhing people over the microphone, and beseeching them to keep quiet for a few minutes. Nothing worked. Shri Sumit  Malik, the  Chief Protocol Officer, Government of Maharashtra, also tried valiantly ( but in vain!) to shut up the loudmouths in the audience. His appeals were not just ignored, but someone lustily booed him .
 What on earth is the matter with us?
I’ll tell you what the problem is. Our mentality still hasn’t changed from those distant days when access to imported alcohol was difficult and frightfully expensive. Invitations to diplomatic functions were most coveted as lucky ( and thirsty!) guests flocked to these events attracted by the bottles on the bar. They glugged glasses and glasses of fine Champagne ( Mumm, in this case), decent wines, and of course, good whiskey, vodka and beer, with the sole aim of doing full ‘paisa vasool’. Except, they weren’t paying! The main attraction was free and unlimited booze! Phoren ki daaru!  This cheap attitude has not changed, even though the best alcohol in the world is easily available in India today. But of course,it is not moofat! And our mindset is still in moofat mode…  this cuts across the income divide, let me tell you! After all, guests at these events can well afford to buy their own booze. But something  happens to them at the sight of a well stocked bar. Ditto for food. Invitees virtually hijack and attack passing serving staff to grab cocktail snacks off the trays.  We still behave like bhookey-pyaasey refugees.
 The only way to get around future disasters is for the hosts to fine tune and hone their guest list  so as to keep out ruffians who land up and spoil the evening for others. Bar service should also be suspended during the speeches and unruly guests can definitely be escorted out politely by alert security personnel. Mumbai’s notorious free loaders are known to all.Why invite these pests in the first place? Screening is a pre- requisite if  basic decorum is to be followed. It was shameful to note how disgusted other foreign diplomats  also were  by our atrocious behavior. Despite repeated requests to  maintain silence during the formal part of the evening, despite reminders  that this was a solemn occasion commemorating the Bastille Day that is celebrated by French citizens, wherever they are in the world, we rudely ignored the host and in the bargain, disgraced ourselves thoroughly. Such bad behavior in public shows the degeneration  that is taking place in our society. Conduct Unbecoming, whether in Parliament or at  private parties, has become the national norm. Hooliganism rules. People who ought to know better, behave like louts caught in bar brawls. I don’t know whether Monsieur Peytregnet and his wife have gotten over the fiasco on the 14th.  But, it certainly left me feeling awful and ashamed. If there’s one thing that never goes out of style, it’s good manners. It’s worth reminding those junglees that crass is crass – and has nothing to do with how much money you possess or which car you drive.Par  sikhaaneywalla kaun hai?

Dinanath Batra's Loony Toons

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> http://www.ndtv.com/article/opinion/dinanath-batra-s-loony-toons-567124

Isn't it time we protested more vehemently???
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An evening spent in the company of well meaning Rotarians, discussing Achchey Din!!!

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This appeared in the Asian Age
                   Let them eat Chapattis…
Let’s be super generous! Let’s be fair to Shiv Sena M.P. Rajan Vichare and give him the benefit of the doubt. He claims he didn’t know the name or religious identity of the man into whose protesting mouth he shoved a chapatti. Does that matter ? Had the catering supervisor at Maharashtra Sadan been a Hindu, Christian, Sikh, Buddhist or Atheist, would it have absolved Vichare? The question is redundant. We know the answer. Millions of shell- shocked viewers were left open mouthed when that dreadful footage was telecast ad nauseum across television channels. The belligerence of the act was enough to generate waves of revulsion… regardless of whether Vichare’s victim was a Muslim observing rozas during Ramzan, or not. Such high handedness is pretty common across party lines . It is just Vichare’s bad  luck he was caught on camera indulging in open goondagiri. Some of his illustrious colleagues in Parliament have displayed even worse conduct in public and gotten away with it. But here’s a case that disturbed an entire nation and left Vichare’s patrons not just red faced but resembling stale chapattis themselves.
Assuming Vichare didn’t or couldn’t read the Supervisor’s prominent name tag. Assuming Vichare did not hear the Supervisor’s name being called out by regulars. Assuming Vichare really, really detested the food being served ,can such a vicious attack on an individual be justified?Whatever the explanations in hind sight, given the history of aggressive / uncouth behavior ,one wonders whether this was a stray incident? Attacking those who are not in a position to hit back seems to come very easily to militant members of certain political parties. In this case, an incensed Vichare is seen on video footage, brutally stuffing a chapatti in to the mouth of a vociferously protesting Arshad Zubair. So….  if we are to believe that Vichare cannot see a name tag, does it mean he cannot hear either? Zubair is heard repeating over and over again that he is fasting. Vichare ignores him completely and continues to force- feed the helpless man in the presence of cronies. If this is Vichare’s spontaneous reaction to bad food, it’s worth asking whether he would behave in the same fashion outside his comfort zone ( Maharashtra Sadan),  in which he and the others eat heavily subsidized meals! Given their antecedents, perhaps they would. But I seriously doubt it! Try and picturise Vichare in a posh restaurant overseas, walking up to a snooty maitre d’ with an undercooked chicken leg in his hand and attempting to gag the man with the offensive dish. Within minutes, cops would be summoned and Vichare marched off to the nearest prison.
That doesn’t happen in India. Especially to an M.P. Incidentally, Vichare was also the Mayor of Thane.  Dadagiri comes easily and naturally to our pumped up netas. They obviously believe it is their absolute right to ignore the law and engage in unruly conduct. But the Maharashtra Sadan incident has other ramifications, given the fresh facts that are emerging….  starting with the plot on which it is built, to the substandard construction of the Sadan. Complaints about the poor quality food being served have been registered in the past.  Plus, there have been protests about the presence of M.P. s from other states temporarily sharing the space. Maharashtra Sadan is a tinder box. It is too bad for Vichare that his outburst coincided with Ramzan.
Enemies of the Sena, must be rejoicing secretly, given the turmoil in Maharashtra, with State Elections coming up, and no leadership in sight. At an uncertain time like this, when sensitivities are indeed running high, such an incident is bound to be milked to the hilt by political rivals. Nothing works as powerfully in India as a misdemeanor involving religious intolerance. Even if one were to avoid attempts by mischief mongers to communalise the issue further, the damage has been done. And had the Sena leadership handled the crisis more adroitly when the story broke, perhaps the backlash wouldn’t have been this severe. Since no genuine apology was offered, and no action taken against Vichare , people were justifiably upset.It is to the credit of the affected community that admirable restraint was shown by leaders who could easily have inflamed passions and incited trouble.
Maharashtra is going through one of its worst periods.  The State Elections are likely to witness bloody fights and gutter level politics as parties scramble to gain control over Mumbai  -  possibly the priciest real estate in the world. It is all about the money. One had hoped that if not Uddhav, his son Aaditya, would have sensed the mood of the public and dealt with the situation in a more upfront manner. There is no shame in apologizing when a community’s feelings are hurt. It is the morally correct thing to do. Leadership is about sending out the right message to party workers, and letting them know when  a line is crossed. But what can even a mild- mannered , well- meaning Uddhav do when 15 out of 18 Shiv Sena M.P.s  face criminal charges  ranging from attempt to murder to using dangerous weapons to cause hurt. Under such ominous circumstances, perhaps Vichare’s act of force-feeding a Muslim during Ramzan, does not appear as serious to the party?

A pity the rest of the country sees it differently.
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This appeared in The Week.....
                              Where’s the fire…?
 I’ll tell you where the fire is – it is raging in our society. And chances of dousing the flames are pretty slim… unless you happen to be as gutsy and determined as Subhangi Iwalekar,the young widow of  34- year- old Fireman Nitin Iwalekar , who stood her ground, demanded her rights, and took on the mighty,  after her brave husband died on duty fighting a conflagration. The horrific incident took place when a glittering deathbox ( read: commercial high rise),covered with glass panels, caught fire in Mumbai last week. Even during that devastating hour of grief, Subhangi had the foresight and courage to ask for what she believed is her right. She had the guts to ask for a written assurance from the authorities that her interests would be protected. She insisted on her husband’s body being brought to the fire brigade’s office, where she publicly and vociferously pressed for her demands. Subhagi clearly – and understandably – did not trust the administration . She refused to take verbal promises at face value. What Subhangi wanted was monetary compensation, plus, a job for herself.  This created quite a tricky situation, since the body had started decaying by then and Subhangi was unwilling to relent. Finally, Chief Fire Officer A.N.Ve rma, handed over a letter promising Subhangi a job at the BMC within a month, and offering 15 lakhs by way of compensation. Her demand was for 50lakhs. The deadlock was broken, albeit, reluctantly from Subhangi’s side. Nitin’s last rites were performed by his two little daughters, led by their feisty mother.
What if Subhangi had allowed her personal grief to consume her completely? What if she had followed society’s diktats and conformed to what is deemed ‘acceptable and appropriate’ conduct on such a tragic occasion? I’ll tell you what: Subhangi and her kids would have been screwed (pardon the expression)..  I am pretty sure community leaders, perhaps even her late husband’s colleagues,tried hard to dissuade her from ‘making a scene’.  Even though, what she did was the right and fair thing. For, had she not pressed for it, she would have been made to run around in circles by an indifferent, callous and lazy administration, for years and years. And she would never have seen the money…. or the job. Who then would have looked after her and her daughters? Certainly not those community leaders, neighbours or relatives – the very people who turned up for the funeral?
It is not easy being Subhangi in our society. We have certain conventions and social rules that need to be challenged, questioned, subverted, thrown out of the window. Not every widow in our unambiguously patriarchal structure has the gumption to stand up for her beliefs and do what Subhangi did. Most are subdued by a harsh, judgmental system that prescribes what a young widow can and cannot do at a time like this. Subhagi would have been expected to wipe off her bindi/ sindhoor, break her bangles and mangalsutra, change out of her colourful saree ,drape herself in white, sit in a corner of her home ( a brand new one she had moved into with Nitin and the kids), weep noisily, beat her chest and stick with female family members, while the men took charge of the proceedings. In this case over 200 mourners were present for the delayed funeral. Guess what? The morning after the night before, Subhangi would have been largely alone with two bewildered children asking for their father. Life would have gone on for the others, like nothing had happened. Harsh but true.
Which is why it is important to acknowledge Subhangi’s actions .She isn’t asking for handouts. It is not charity she seeks. If she is qualified and deserves the job, she should get it. The compensation will be as per the rules. Potentially,Subhangi has more than 40 years ahead of her. Nitin, the sole provider, is no more. He needn’t have died. Mumbai  has many more deathboxes, built without required permissions and safety features. While we discuss the precious loss of one fireman , we are overlooking the ghastly possibility that many more firemen could also have sacrificed their lives in Lotus Business Park, where the fire broke out. Several rules had been blatantly flouted. The swanky commercial complex in which investors like Hritik Roshan owned several floors, did not have a second staircase, nor firefighting equipment that’s in working order! This is a fit case for criminal negligence – but will the authorities act and probe further? Hold BMC officials responsible? Question the builders? Nope. When was the last time that happened? Had Subhangi meekly kept quiet and accepted a handout from the authorities, her public image may have been more ‘sanitised’, but in reality, her life would be over! We must support Subhangi for speaking out, when silence was the safer option.

68th Independence Day... and beyond!

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                               Singham Returns…as  NaMo at the Red Fort.
“Darwaza tod do, Daya…” thunders Bajirao Singham, the Scowling Supercop. His burly junior kicks open a heavy, wooden door and voila! The bad guys are caught red handed. It is a perfectly pitched Bollywood moment from the distant 80s, when our movies stuck to linear storylines ,simplistic plots, over- dramatic dialogues, exaggerated body language, emotional outbursts and babyish plots that didn’t demand the slightest mental exertion . It is also a symbolic line that encapsulates the rage of the oppressed. The movies of that era were crammed with similar lines and scenes. There was always one larger-than-life hero, capable of single-handedly taking on hundreds of  adversaries. The hero believed in old-fashioned, traditional ‘Indian’ values, like worshipping the mother, protecting sisters, respecting elders, helping colleagues and destroying evil people. His love interest was generally incidental and played a largely decorative role. The hero invariably took on the ‘system’ at enormous personal risk. He was ready to sacrifice his own life when faced with moral issues . His  chief adversary was mostly  one- dimensional and heavily armed. The hero’s levels of personal pride were second to none. It was ‘izzat’ he lived for. ‘Izzat’ he died for. ‘Izzat’ was all that mattered. It goes without saying, this mythical hero always won in the end…. no matter how daunting the odds.
Bollywood was missing this brand of stereotypical herogiri for a while. Indian audiences had started to stray. Some movies featured clever canines in title roles. Others had masked men in harness fighting gravity and logic. The ‘weepie’ was virtually dead. And the high -pitched amir-garib confrontation that got all the taalis, had been replaced by amir-amir romances featuring Bollywood bachchalog of the third generation  ( some with talent, most without). With Singham Returns, the blockbuster formula is back with a bang. And the timing couldn’t have been better. Let’s call this a double dhamaka weekend for viewers. The action in both mega productions was superbly staged by technical teams that understood the mood and pulse of the nation. While one portly hero, wearing a tri-coloured turban dominated  television channels across India, delivering  catchy lines from the ramparts of the historic Red Fort, another flexed his coiled-oiled muscles dressed down in a spotless white ‘ganji’. The message embedded in both performances was exactly the same : Mein leta nahin, deta hoon. Roughly translated : I don’t take, I give. The give-and-take as exemplified by Bajirao Singham  is in the larger interests of society. Each time Ajay( Singham) Devgn, utters that line in the film, audiences clap as if on cue.  It is obvious an emotional chord has been struck… and successfully exploited. There is hope for India, after all.
Since dare devilry and fearlessness play such key roles in the projection of superheroes, it is significant that Narendra Modi – the Singham of  Politics – shunned a bullet proof screen while addressing the nation on Independence Day. Since nothing he does is divorced from design, one can safely assume, it was a calculated decision to project courage and confidence. Analysts will describe it as a shrewd if fool hardy move. President Barack Obama is seen as a pretty smart  world leader  -  but even he doesn’t deliver public speeches without mandatory protection and top security in place.
Narendra Modi’s speech has been deconstructed and decoded to death by experts. The hidden meanings have been unearthed and analysed by those in search of deeper agendas. The wah- wahs for going extempore on such a significant occasion , are still pouring in. Professionallyy trained theatre artists are known to work hard on monologues. But even by their exacting standards, a one hour, six minutes monologue is one hell of a challenge. Modi, like Singham, conclusively proved he’s the boss, while pressing all the right buttons (“ I come from a poor family…and here I am addressing the country from the Red Fort’’). By displaying concern and respect for the women of India, he won over millions of female hearts. Bracket ‘women’ with ‘izzat’ and you get two buzz words that are at once inclusive and emotive. If Singham took  an ‘aie shappat’ (“ I swear on my mother’) and followed that up with a ‘vardi ki kasam’ (“ I swear on my uniform”), when he vowed to  vanquish enemies, Modi  too, didn’t lag behind in the promises he made for a stronger and safer India.
At a time when connectivity is the key, it can be safely declared that the Prime Minister succeeded in socking his message to the waiting nation, preferring to stick to a chatty, avuncular approach, using uncomplicated analogies and easy-to- get , easy-to-digest , bite-sized , home grown platitudes. No grand flourishes, no poetry, no high-flown lines. Much like Bajirao Singham. Let’s hope Narendra Modi takes the next logical step forward and translates these good intentions into real action… without stripping down to his ganji, of course.

 “Darwaza Tod Do, NaMo!” Or else, it will be the people of India who will be vociferously protesting, “Aata Majhi Satakli!”
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                         Modi woos the women of India…
The single most important takeaway from Narendra Modi’s premier Independence Day speech was the concern shown for the safety of  our women. Perhaps, for the first time in India’s 68- year-old history, a Prime Minister devoted a reasonably large chunk of  his bhaashan to the importance of  dealing with one of our society’s biggest blights – rape. There will inevitably be critics / cynics who will say that  the ugly, nasty word (rape) does not belong to such a closely watched, over analysed, historic address, delivered from the ramparts of the Red Fort, by a newly elected leader of  125 crore citizens. I would argue it was high time a neta had the guts to raise this diabolical issue on precisely such a vital platform. For, if we refuse to acknowledge its deep and tragic impact on our lives, we too will be guilty of perpetuating the shame. Significantly enough, Modi transferred this very ‘shame’ to those who perpetrate the crime – men. And urged families across India, to sensitise their menfolk to its ghastly implications… starting with boys in the household. Modi urged families to “question their sons, not daughters.” Articulating such a sentiment in a patriarchal society like ours is nothing short of radical. Nobody is India ‘questions’ a son! A beta is believed to be above and beyond reproach – no matter what crime he commits. This deeply entrenched attitude is not restricted to rural communities. Look around you… there are any number of  people in your own family… your neighbourhood, who might be shocked that such a preposterous suggestion was made in the first place. Modi took a gigantic risk when he went into this tricky territory. He took another, equally major  risk when he brought up the topic of toilets for women in our villages…. and  underlined the urgency of building  separate toilets for school/ college girls .
Having tabled his concerns , and expressed  sincere anguish, it is hoped Modi will swiftly do something about both issues. I wish he had announced concrete measures towards rape redressal, for example. That would have been far more reassuring, meaningful and substantive, than the big noises made from the podium. Let’s hope Modi’s government follows up the rhetoric with real reforms and focused guidelines. He had talked about zero tolerance for crimes against women during his Lok Sabha address months ago. And then withdrawn from the arena, while rapes continued unabated. While a traumatized nation waited for immediate and stern action against rapists, there was just a frustrating and stony silence from Modi. His non-committal stand disheartened those who had expected more from him at that critical juncture.On  Independence Day, Modi tried to make up for the lapse by emphasizing the issue, and placing it alongside other national priorities. Modi finally gave rape the importance it deserves.  It is upto citizens from this point on to monitor whether or not his speech will translate into an immediate action  designed to tackle India’s monumental stigma on a war footing. If Modi succeeds in making women feel safer, he will win over the hearts of millions. And if he does indeed convert our medieval thinking that unfairly protects and favours sons, he will go down in history as the architect of a major cultural revolution.
 The Badaun incident must have been that much needed, overdue wake up call for Modi’s government.Badaun represents the sum total of all that Modi referred to –  a lack of toilets for rural women, lack of basic security, lack of awareness, and a lack of accountability. Modi also mentioned the creation of 800 model villages. Great concept. We can do it. But more than building these model villages and giving ‘izzat’ to the poor, what India needs to do on a war footing is create model mind sets. Model thinking. Model communities. Even someone as charged up as NaMo will find that a far more daunting task to  tackle.
If even a single mother (or father) starts to think more deeply about bringing up a better son after listening to Modi’s speech, it will be a major triumph. If even a single rape is prevented because of his message, it will be his biggest contribution to transforming India.
As a man who qualifies as a ‘half husband’, Modi is stuck with a double responsibility towards the women of our country. We are watching! A promise has been made in public. Keep it! There are over a billion witnesses. Deliver… or else!

Happy Ganesh Chaturthi, Blogdosts...

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                       Smriti could learn a thing or two from Sarika…
Sarika , the talented, light-eyed actress of yore (“Humraaz” 1967), has always but always been her own person. She was one of the first leading ladies in Bollywood to openly break a cardinal rule or two when it came to acknowledging romantic relationships. Without going into too many personal details, let it be said that it took guts to leave her home, take charge of her career, and move in with Karan Kapoor ( Shashi Kapoor’s photographer son). Subsequently, she fell in love with a much married Kamalhassan, moved South, produced two daughters (Akshara and Shruti) with him, took a backseat from acting, and immersed herself totally in her husband’s world. Till, that carefully built universe collapsed…  and she found herself  back in Mumbai, ready to begin a new life yet again, minus any discernible support system. Rather than allow such a traumatic mid-life crisis to bog her down, Sarika quietly picked up the pieces and soldiered on. Today, she has slipped back seamlessly into Bollywood and more recently, into commercial television (“Yudh”). Sarika continues to remain an outsider in the glamour world, sticking to handloom sarees, sporting little or no jewelry, her luminous face devoid of make-up.Her daughters are doing reasonably well in a hard and cruel business that’s showbiz. And Sarika sensibly makes zero reference to Kamalhassan.
What interested me about her present life was her candid confession in a recent HT Brunch interview. When asked about her educational qualifications, she stated simply that she’d never been to school and college ( “ never went to any. I studied on my own)! And yet, here was a woman who picked Marquez’s ‘One Hundred Years of Solitude’ as her all-time favourite book and answered most of the other questions in a mature, straight-forward fashion. Sarika sounded far more educated than many so-called well-educated celebrities, in and out of Bollywood ! While her admission(self-schooled) came as a surprise to me, I thought to myself how refreshing it was for a high profile actress to not shy away from an inescapable fact of life. Sarika could have fibbed. That she was so upfront about her lack of a formal education was at once endearing and heart breaking. I am sure Sarika won many more fans after that interview. Just like Smriti Irani lost several after her Yale boast.
No matter what level of damage control Smriti now undertakes, it is a pity one careless claim will permanently mark her political track record. Smriti has been positioned as one of the brightest stars in Narendra Modi’s cabinet. She started off her political innings on a high note. Her being appointed the minister for HRD ( under which Education forms a key responsibility), was critically scrutinized by Modi-watchers, but given Smriti’s other abilities, everybody was willing to give her a fair chance. Yes, there were glaring discrepancies in earlier declarations about her educational credentials, but they were glossed over, as Smriti took charge of her portfolio and briskly got down to work. No matter what she says today about the unfortunate Yale boo- boo, it is one major faux pas, she won’t be able to wish away. Had she only been more transparent about her educational antecedents, nobody would have bothered all that much about specifics and technicalities ( correspondence course? Degree or diploma? In which subject? When? From where?). By misleading people and talking about a ‘degree’ from one of the most prestigious colleges in the world, Smriti Irani dug her own grave.

The thing is, we live in far less opaque times these days. It’s virtually impossible to concoct stories or suppress information. Politicians, in particular, need to be super cautious before opening their big mouths and making tall claims. They really ought to know better than to believe they’ll get away with lies. It takes under two minutes to corroborate/ cross-check practically any information about public figures. How could Smriti Irani have imagined that she of all people, would get away with such an absurd  declaration. Did she really think nobody would double check? Or did she really not know the difference between acquiring a legitimate, bona fide ‘degree’ from college, after studying for it like every other student, and getting a certificate after attending a 6-day leadership programme? If it is the latter case, it is time to worry. A Cabinet Minister heading a ministry that is supposed to be in charge of young minds ( 50% of India’s 125 crore population is under the age of 25), is a monumental responsibility. One hopes Smriti Irani is aware of the task she faces at this critical juncture. Nobody cares a damn whether or not she studied at Yale. But we sure as hell care that she lied about it. That was the real ‘unpadh’ move…
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                                        Alia Bhatt as Albert Einstein: It’s her way or the ‘Highway’…

“Genius of the Year” is clever,clever,clever. But clever is not always enough. The reason why ‘Genius…” has worked brilliantly and gone viral, is because it uses its own cleverness to explore a universal anxiety about appearing stupid in public. Every single person watching this video will instantly connect to his / her own stupidity and ignorance. It is designed to make you squirm at the recollection of something dumb you’ve said or done at some point in your life. And most of all ,it taps into every person’s ‘Alia Moment’. Who hasn’t had one? Or several? The best thing about the video , of course, is Alia Bhatt herself, as she goes along with the running gags and sends herself up. Now that may just turn out to be the smartest thing she has ever done in her young life. In one stroke, Alia  has managed to change her image of being the dumbest doll in Bollywood, to that of a spunky, spirited, sporting girl who can laugh at herself and come out on top of her game. Now it’s the turn of her critics and detractors to look totally stupid. Well done!
The video also makes viewers review their attitude to GK and IQ. The two can be mutually exclusive and often are. Alia’s talent on screen has been unambiguously established , and there’s a good chance she’ll walk away with the Best Actress award this year. Talent of this caliber generally goes with a high IQ. About her abysmal GK – come on, she exposed that during her Koffee interview and ended up becoming the butt end of some pretty nasty jokes . She took them on the chin. So, let’s hand it to her for two reasons  1) Alia had  the guts to agree to the spoof that is entirely based on her low GK quotient 2) She had the brains to figure out such a risky decision would work in her favour.
The subtext of the video is equally compelling. Take Karan Johar’s line : “ Of course we have hot and clever heroines in Bollywood – they are called HEROES.” Meeoow! Truer words were never spoken, and one wonders how many heroes ducked for cover after that dig! It’s Karan again who , when talking about the Black Hole theory, adds a naughty, self-revelatory aside when he mumbles, “ Black Hole… something I have not entered recently.” Ooooops! Confession time on YouTube, Karan? These swipes, demonstrating throwaway panache by one of Bollywood’s most successful producer-directors, also show an admirable coming of age all around. To  be able to mock yourself… to indulge in  self-parody… to make fun of the humourless geeks out there who relentlessly tormented Alia for months, is an inspired move… one that has paid rich dividends to everyone involved in the project. Eventually, it is Alia Bhatt’s triumph and redemption. Particularly, the last staged joke when Alia states her ambition to become “India’s First woman Prime Minister”, till she is reminded India already had one – Indira Gandhi. Alia squints, looks bewildered, goes blank and asks, “Who? Who? Who?” What a masterstroke!
Thank you, guys for coming up with this genius idea. And if Alia does not bag a well-deserved award for ‘Highway’, let’s give her one for this superb performance!
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                I don’t want ‘mardaani’ – do you?
I am staring at Rani Mukherjee’s face in a prominent ad as I write this. The headline says, “Be the woman you were born  to be…” And I  feel worried. Was I born to be hard? This hard? Yes, we know Rani plays a cop in the film. Her character is described as “Tough. Fearless. Independent.” Like millions of other Rani -watchers, I am wondering whether Mukherjee is playing herself. She has been promoting her film in innovative ways.  Her latest effort was to flag off the Women Beat Marshalls on behalf of the Mumbai Police. Presswallas have referred to her loose clothing and obvious weight gain, while concluding the newly-minted ‘maalkin’ of  Yash Raj Films is expecting her first child with Aditya Chopra. Perhaps she is. Perhaps she isn’t. What does it matter? In my head, I am comparing her promotional efforts to Ajay Devgn’s (“ Singham Returns”).  That makes it two cop films back-to-back. With one major difference – the gender of the cop.
Going by the trailer of ‘Mardaani’ , Rani probably pulps as many bad guys single handedly as Ajay did in his movie. She also gets a bloodied nose, which is more than what Ajay suffers after  breaking countless bones ( not his own, of course ) and shooting dozens of   nasty toughies. Ajay walks away without a scratch on his face, or even a  blood stain on his spotless ganji. His  trendy aviators stay firmly on his nose through most of the action, and he also finds the time to sing a love duet with his ditsy girl friend. Ajay is the quintessential Bolllywood cop.  I would love to get our CP Rakesh Maria’s take on the portrayal and ask him what he thinks of  cop films in general, and Bollywood  masala cop films in particular. Does a supercop like Bajirao Singham enhance the image /credibility of our cops…  or do such projections mislead the public into thinking our friendly neighbourhood cops aren’t doing enough if they don’t bash up at least fifty armed goons, blow up twenty vans, and also find the time for romance – all in a day’s work.
Rani’s character is tougher to play, going by early reports. And I wonder how women will relate to it. With movies that are determinedly breaking old moulds and projecting female characters as  made-of-steel  superwomen, capable of  taking on the most brutal adversaries, physically and emotionally, are we, in fact, creating a brave, new role model for the desperate-for-change, impatient-for-justice women of India? If our real lives continue to be as vulnerable, perhaps what we need for our survival is an escape into fantasy storylines that show women in full charge, undaunted by and unafraid of anybody or anything?  The very concept of ‘mardaani’ is troubling, because it suggests we have to clone aggressive male behavior in order to hang in there.It was used by Hindi poet Subhadrakumari to describe Rani Lakshmi Bai  and means “Like a man’. Not all of us can be Rani Lakshmi Bai. Not all of us have access to police training. How many women know how to use guns… ? Or even fists? After Rani’s macho act, we will watch Priyanka Chopra as iconic boxer, Mary Kom.
Rani and Priyanka are representative of today’s generation of accomplished professionals in Bollywood. By choosing these unusual roles, both of them are indirectly reflecting contemporary concerns that plague women.  Uncompromising competitiveness being one of them. The very notion of beating men at their own game, is a loaded one. The message that women have to outperform, outshine, outdo men, if they decide to step out of their comfort zones and fight for legitimacy, is in its own way, most unfair. Why should women have to expend extra energy being more like men? Why should women have to change so drastically in order to win respect? Why should women have to gate crash a Boy’s Club to fulfill their dreams and ambitions? There are millions of women out there who may not possess the required ‘mardaani’ to cope with society’s demands. Will they be in a position to cheer Rani? Applaud Priyanka / Mary? Will these portrayals inspire lesser women?Or discourage them?  The message being sent out, is a little dodgy. What it suggests to me is this : Women live in tough / dangerous times. If we want to make our way through picket fences without getting molested, beaten, raped, murdered, maimed, we’d better start toughening up.  If we don’t tap into our own ‘mardaani’, we will be vanquished. Our popular movies are saying , “Get ready for war.” Whereas, real life is crying out and pleading, “Give peace a chance.” Tough choices. Have you made yours?


                                           

Kashmir: A flood of memories...

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                 The nation weeps for and with the people of  J & K…

All of this week, I frantically tried to contact three men – Yousf  Bhai, Naqvi and Sajjid .They are my “Kashmiri friends.”  I  have known them for a few years now. Over time, we have established a warm and wonderful friendship.  Sadly, so far I have not received a response from any of them. Are they safe? Are they even alive?Like me, there are thousands of people who are deeply concerned about friends and relatives they have not heard from.There are thousands  more who are mourning the loss of loved ones.  Ironically, it has taken a grim national tragedy to bring one thing sharply into focus  -  we can jointly challenge and fight the mightiest of enemies within and outside the country, but there is nothing we can do to halt nature’s fury. Even as the water levels come down and some modicum of ‘normalcy’ returns to Srinagar and other severely affected areas, those of us with emotional connections to the State will continue to keep our hopes alive… till the actual news arrives and we get to know for ourselves whether it’s good or bad.
The three men I mention are traders of the finest shawls and carpets from Kashmir. For four generations their families have been engaged in the pursuit of beauty and excellence through their exquisite, hand crafted wares. During our chats, I have asked the younger men whether they’ve thought of doing something else, something more ‘modern’, and they’ve shaken their heads, “ This is our legacy… this is our life.”. Their deep knowledge and fine taste have illuminated our exchanges, regardless of whether I was buying anything. Just watching them remove each precious shawl from its soft mulmul covering, and gently open its folds to reveal indescribable beauty, has been a matchless experience I will always treasure. It is at once a richness and a rare education to hear them speak passionately about family traditions going back  a century and more. And to share stories about wealthy patrons from overseas who have tried in vain to entice them to ‘step up production’ and market their shawls to international luxury stores. “How do we explain to these people that it is impossible? We cannot insult our inheritance and weave mechanically in order to meet market demands!”
Each time they visit, they bring  kilos of freshly shelled walnuts and apricots from their garden, honey from the wild flowers of their region, delicate saffron stems from the fields they tend, hand embroidered  silk firans for the girls, and pashmina scarves as presents for close friends. Such generosity! Such refinement! So much pride in their craft. Like them, there must be countless families struggling to cope with this monumental tragedy, their looms washed away, their precious shawls and carpets destroyed by the furious waters, their homes completely submerged, along with any hopes of  recovering what  is irretrievably lost in the deluge.
It is at a time like this that India truly shines. Not all of us have a personal connection to people affected by the floods in J & K ,yet we are bound together as a nation by the devastation that has already claimed over 300 lives . It is the men of our armed forces we need to express our deepest gratitude to. Over 1,081 sorties have been undertaken so far and over 1,10,000 lives saved under extremely hazardous circumstances . The combined efforts of  our men in uniform have seen the successful evacuation of  countless trapped citizens. The newly installed Army Chief, General Dalbir Singh has led 30,000 of  his men from the front, earning the blessings of  innumerable marooned J&K  denizens.  But where was Chief Minister Omar Abdullah? Or his ministers? Busy using their VVIP status to rescue their own people, according to reports.Shockingly enough, Abdullah was callous enough to state, “People are alive to shout slogans, I have no problems.” Really! The problems are right there, right now. And the irate people of your State are ready to deal with them… and you. Watch out, Omar!
Perhaps, an overdue and vital turning point has finally been reached between the people of the beleaguered state and the Centre. If this crisis does lead to a truce of sorts, both sides should seize it immediately. All efforts should be made to build on the goodwill generated by the intervention of  the Indian Army. Yes, there is rage. And frustration, too.  Faced with local administrative indifference, arrogance and apathy, denied access to food or water, with poor or zero data available about missing people, a backlash is inevitable. The real challenge begins now. The waters will soon recede. But the floodgates of public anger  have been opened.Winter is round the corner. There are bereft families out there who have lost everything…. loved ones, possessions, homes. A shroud of sorrow covers the valley.

As for me, I am praying hard while waiting for the phone to ring with good news about my three loving  brothers from Kashmir -  Yousf  Bhai, Sajjid and Naqvi -  wherever you are, may God be with you.
                                                              **********

                         Twisting two words – ‘Love’ and ‘Jihad’.
It is really unfortunate that our creepy- crawlies ( read: politicians of a certain hue ) have deliberately concocted a dangerous and ugly term (“ Love Jihad” ) and given a bad name to both words. In fact, the random and reckless overuse of LJ, has spawned an entire industry of haters and baiters, busy ‘outing’ couples they hold guilty. The media, too, has fallen for this nonsense, and readers have been subjected to reams and reams of  LJ stories, some with a positive spin, but most, minus a modicum of sensitivity or tact. It is that time of the year when we feel obliged to display ‘communal  harmony’ at its most self-conscious. So, newspapers will feature Hindu-Muslim celebrity jodis ( the usual suspects), and carry pictures of  Bollywood stars from  different faiths, celebrating Ganpati “with fervour’’… as if there is some other way to celebrate festivals. Get ready for more such cheesy coverage during Durga Puja, Navratri and Diwali. Perhaps, these reminders are essential at a time when a crass female politico from Gujarat is talking about banning Muslim boys from attending Dandiya Raas evenings, because she fears an epidemic of ‘Love Jihads’ . What sort of rubbish is this! And why don’t more citizens show people like her their place?
Interfaith marriages work on exactly the same principles as same faith ones. And fail for the same reasons. Chances of  ‘no faith’ marriages surviving or collapsing, are also the same. At the end of it, love marriages (as opposed to arranged) are about love. And love involves commitment. Commitment, like the clever ad famously reminded us, is like Lycra – either you have, or you don’t. When two young people take the plunge, they do so in good faith. That faith does not come with religious strings attached. Mischievous politicians are deliberately misusing words like ‘Jihad’ to scare and confuse people. Any form of  coercion is unacceptable.  Any forced conversion, is awful. Yes -  both happen. Sensible people condemn them, regardless of which religion is involved.  Faith is personal. And should remain personal. It is humiliating to force citizens in a democracy to flaunt or deny it. Which is why, we need to exercise great caution before blabbering about ‘Love Jihad’, without bothering to examine its wider, trickier implications.
Here’s a charming story I heard during a recent trip to Hyderabad. A cheerful  restaurant manager struck up a friendly conversation with me over breakkfast, as I attacked a gigantic paper dosa. He was the original Bandra Boy ( though,a Catholic from Kerala, and not a Goan, as he hastily clarified). He couldn’t marry the girl he loved, since he didn’t own his own house. The broken- hearted fellow moved to Hyderabad and got a good job as a waiter in a 5-star hotel. Soon, he met lovely local girl and they got married. Sensing that his wife was the bright star in the relationship, our man willingly and shrewdly rejigged his identity, plus his prioritities. He promptly changed his name and adopted her surname and religion. They have two kids today, who follow the mother’s faith.  The lady is going great guns, pursuing higher education, while her husband continues to work regular hours at the hotel and takes care of the kids. Once his wife has an MBA degree under her belt, she plans to apply for a better job after which the family will move to a bigger place,preferably  in an area where they don’t have to buy expensive drinking water from a tanker. In other words, here’s a family that is fully sorted. After 22 years at the hotel, the guy still has amazing levels of enthusiasm, as he looks after guests with a broad smile and genuine involvement.  He is happy with the choices he has made and looking forward to an upswing in his life after his wife clears her exams. He proudly showed me her photographs from his phone and said, “No tension. No ego. It has worked out. I speak Telugu fluently, eat local food, and participate in community life.” I pumped his hand before leaving the restaurant. I am sure there are countless couples across India like this happy chap.  While petty politicians create enmity and rifts between people, there are those who go about their lives quietly and in peace. The only way to combat the ‘Love Jihad’ controversy  is to mock it, and mock those talking about it. Who better than Yo Yo Honey Singh to do that for a mass audience?   After giving us the catchy, stupendously successful ‘Baby Doll’, may we suggest an irreverent take titled ‘Love Jihad’ that exposes Netas who manipulate the gullible with this loaded term?

Why attack a 'Makdee''.... and spare the snakes?

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A Frazer and Haws Ganeshji. One of my all time favourite images taken at the showroom in New Delhi.
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                 Why attack a ‘Makdee’… and spare the snakes?
I was really, really aghast to read the entirely unfair publicity given to a vulnerable young actress, driven to prostitution after experiencing abject failure in Bollywood, despite a promising start. And what a start it was! 11-year-old Shweta Basu Prasad won a National Film  Award for Best Child Artist in 2002, for her performance in Vishal Bharadwaj’s film, ‘Makdee’. Twelve short years later,  at age 23, the poor girl is splashed across national and regional newspapers after she was “ caught in a compromising situation” in a Hyderabad hotel.Arrested by the over-vigilant cops and packed off to a Rehabilitation Home, Shweta faces a minimum of  ten days in custody while the cops frame a charge sheet. Effectively, her life and career are both over. And I fear for her  safety. Going by the abysmal track record of how all such State run shelters and Homes function, with rampant sexual abuse, torture, starvation and worse, Shweta is likely to face a whole host of nasty problems while she is being ‘rehabilitated’ at  government expense. Meanwhile, the media will sadistically pounce on the juicy story and torment her further… till the next scandal… and the next.
Shweta’s sordid experience in showbiz is not new or unique. There are thousands of Shwetas out there, struggling to survive in a heartless industry, which is more a meat packing factory than a provider of legitimate entertainment. The real tragedy of girls like Shweta kicks in after they taste early success, and then nothing happens. Buoyed by praise and misled by avaricious agents, they start dreaming big and expecting too much. Since image is everything these days, they often end up living way beyond their means, frequently borrowing money to subsidise their jumped up lifestyles. Movie business the world over functions in exactly the same way, when it comes to women.  It works on a demand/supply principle. The supply always exceeds the demand. There are any number of alarmingly young girls waiting for a break and willing to go to any lengths to get it. Shweta had it better than most, having worked with established directors like Nagesh Kuknoor and Ram Gopal Varma.  Despite such a huge advantage, Shweta, when she was busted in the staged raid, was broke and jobless. In her brave and upfront statement, she stated she had a family to support and was lured into prostitution by an agent who set her up with a Mumbai businessman.
Why pick on a comparative non-entity like Shweta, when there are hundreds of high profile, prominent, top bracket stars indulging in exactly the same  ‘dhanda’? It’s an open secret in Bollywood as insiders snigger about the ‘rate cards’ doing the rounds. Some of the featured names would make most people roll over and die of shock! One wonders where Shweta went wrong. She blames her flop career to picking the wrong roles.A lot of actresses pick wrong roles, but not all of them become prostitutes. The problem is different. Bollywood  refuses to acknowledge the levels of poverty and desperation that drive young aspirants ( male and female) to seek other avenues to pay their bills and stay alive. Some of these strugglers take to drugs and alcohol ( a brave admission by ‘Mary Kom’ Director Omung Kumar Bhandula, that his FTII trained father died an alcoholic after failing to get roles), and that path  often leads to prostitution or…. suicide.
Shweta is a victim of a sting operation conducted by a Telugu television channel. She was easy bait. With no powerful patrons or backers, Shweta turned out to be just the thing a TRP- obsessed media organization could effortlessly exploit.But why have Shweta’s clients been shielded from media glare? Why aren’t they being named and shamed ? Why pick on Shweta?  Her story got the cops what they were looking for – attention. And the channel  got its eyeballs. Where does that leave Shweta? At the bottom of a pit… still poor… and now shunned as well. ‘Balu’, the pimp who booked her for a fee of one lakh a night (keeping 15k  as his commission) allegedly assured her she wasn’t the only actress indulging in this racket, and several other actresses also free-lanced as prostitutes in order to keep body and soul together. This was Shweta’s  third ‘assignment’ and possibly her last. At 23, her future is looking scarily dark and grim. If anything happens to this young woman , who will assume responsibility? The State? Bollywood? Society?

We need to take better care of the Shwetas we may know in our own lives. We certainly owe a desperate, hungry, young person that much.

Bijoya Greetings!

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I absolutely love this time of the year!
Forgive my absence from this space. Blame it on crazy travel schedules... I'll try and make for this, before I run away again!
 Here are a few columns you may have missed...
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This appeared in Sunday Times....

           India scores big on its MOM and Pop show…
Our men are definitely from Mars. So are a few women.  Take that,Venus! India’s scientists have indeed pulled off a major feat  – on the very first attempt, at that. And it’s time for the entire country to stand up and acknowledge the stupendous success of the ISRO family, starting with our very own 007- fan, S.Arunan, Project Director, MOM. His is the remarkable story of  today’s intellectually ambitious India . A great story that is not sufficiently chronicled, much less applauded. Hand picked by ISRO Chairman, K.Radhakrishnan , S. Arunan led a team of 200 scientists, who worked round the clock at mission control for close to a year before hitting bull’s eye on 24thSeptember. Not only did this brilliant, dedicated team achieve a spectacular first ( the other countries made it to Mars after more than one attempt), but they managed it on a shockingly modest budget of just Rs.450 crores. There are several jokes doing the rounds about that number, including one that points out the per kilometer cost of  getting Mangalyaan to traverse  46 crore kilometers. It works out to less than 10 bucks per kilometer  -  taking an auto in Mumbai is more expensive ! Trust our practical minded Prime Minister, Narendra Modi to provide an even better yardstick for comparison. Lauding the team just after the spacecraft entered the Mars’ orbit, Modi (who was perfectly colour co-ordinated for the history making photo-op, in a bright red bundi ) , joked that Hollywood movies are more expensive to make!
 For a man who started life in a middle class family (S. Arunan’s father, Subbaiah, was a school head master in Tirunelveli), the mechanical engineering graduate from Coimbatore Institute of Technology, remains perfectly grounded, even as his baby is flying high in space. In an interview, he credits “complex mathematics and simple living” to his own and the mission’s success. Of course, life will change for the 50- something scientist. Reportedly, there are foreign agencies trying hard to poach him. Ironically, some of the poachers happen to be the same ones who were earlier skeptical about MOM getting off the ground.
While the country is justifiably euphoric and going gaga over the feat (“ Mere paas MOM  hai!”), it is time to ask ourselves why we don’t celebrate our scientific community to the extent we should. S.Arunan is a huge hero right now – an international star. And that’s the whole point. Will we remember him, or reward his team, even a month from now? While he will definitely receive his share of national  awards in due course, and get his time on television channels, chances are, once our attention gets diverted by something sexier, we will go blank when someone mentions  his name – S.Arunan … who dat? Even today, most of us are in the dark about MOM and the nature of this complicated mission. Why did we want to go to Mars in the first place? To find life and methane? Some other objective? Should we not be more engaged? Why aren’t we? The indifference we display towards our major achievements ( the only one we care about is  a win in cricket ) is pretty baffling. Then again, it’s also a  reflection of poor communication. If the scientific community would step forward periodically and brief citizens about successful breakthroughs, it would generate not just national awareness but also a great deal of national pride.  God knows we could do with more of that.  It’s one thing for Narendra Modi to talk about this success being a “ gift to our rishis, who were also scientists…” but let us provide a less hoary explanation that speaks a more contemporary language, devoid of political rhetoric. One wonders whether it was appropriate for the Prime Minister to point out a regional contribution during a national moment of glory? Yes, one of the  instruments for the spacecraft was indeed manufactured in Rajkot. Did he have to single it out?
There are thousands of  brilliant scientists in India waiting for the right opportunities to shine. S.Arunan was lucky his abilities were recognized and nurtured by his mentors. But there are discouraging stories about less fortunate men and women, who are victimized by an environment that refuses to encourage and reward them. Disillusioned by the lack of support, some of them move to countries that see their potential and provide the necessary infrastructure to continue their research and progress. We have lost great brains because of our short sightedness in the past. Frustration and internal politics have taken their toll as well, with tragic suicides claiming  precious lives.
 Once the excitement over Mangalyaan dies down,it will be well worth the effort involved to take a fresh look at how we treat our scientific community.Do we do enough for them? For their families? I am afraid India’s report card in this area is not impressive at all.  If an S. Arunan has come up, it is by default… despite the odds , not because of any special sensitivities shown to him. Or perhaps, we should give most of the credit for S.Arunan’s triumph to his hero – James Bond – a character the scientist greatly admires “ for his uncanny ability to  get difficult assignments.”
In this case, it certainly couldn’t have got any more difficult for S.Arunan. Well done, Sir.  India salutes you and your exceptional team. Now on to an inter planetary mission!
                                                                     ***************
 This appeared in Mumbai Mirror....

                               Why should Virat and Anoushka ‘explain’ living arrangements???
I read a ‘scoop’ in Mumbai Mirror this week, confirming that Virat Kohli was not – repeat , not – living in Anushka Sharma’s apartment this time! Absurd? You bet. But, there it is. Given that nonsensical controversy that had been triggered off in the wake of Virat Kohli’s unimpressive performance in England ( only on the field, let me hasten to clarify!), here are two young people – a hot blooded, successful cricketer ( possibly, a future captain), and a lissome Bollywood actress, engaged in a relationship they are pretty upfront about. Along comes a fuddy duddy from BCCI , ‘justifying’ Virat’s uninspiring cricket as a direct  fallout of his sharing the room with Anushka during the dismal test matches. The silly old wives’ tale was  back in circulation – and there were obviously takers for it. It used to be believed that men needed to conserve their sperm before a competing in a physically demanding sport. Why? Because all their energy ( taqat ) was concentrated in those two ( okay, three!) tablespoons of  ejaculation. Once they were sexually spent, that was it!  Zero energy left to save the honour of the country. I was beginning to worry that BCCI busybodies would declare that having sex during an arduous tour  is anti-national…. Especially if it was with a girlfriend! As if having sex with a wife involves a different set of organs!
Those chaps hastily backed off when they took notice of the public’s response to their crazy theory.  Or else, who knows, they could have included a penalty clause in the contract ( How many times? With whom? When? Why?), instructing cricketers to maintain and submit a log book.
Now comes this coy clarification from Virat’s minders that he is being a good boy in Mumbai – visiting Anushka’s apartment for a couple of hours, and  leaving – Scout’s promise! Come on! This is so humiliating – for Virat and Anushka. Why the hell should it bother anybody where the cricketer spends his nights? Did the team manager Sunil Dev, have something to do with these nocturnal arrangements… or  have the two decided to go bashful and conform? I seriously hope not. It would be such a  pity if  Virat and Anushka have been brow beaten into submission. They are young, adult, single and together. If they decide to co-habit, they are totally entitled to do so. Virat Kohli is one of  the high profile owners of  FC Goa, the Goa franchise of the football series – Indian Super League. He is going to be around… and very visible. Anushka lives in Mumbai, and I’m sure she doesn’t want to sneak around corners to be with Virat. Why should she? Since going incognito is not an option for either, they really shouldn’t give a damn and go right ahead with their lives, on their own terms . Whether or not they live together is strictly their business. Unlike several Bollywood couples currently playing pretend (“ I really respect him/ her as a close friend, but I am single….”), here are two modern individuals ready to go public with their relationship in an upfront, non-hypocritical way. Get over it, moralists!
It is pretty amusing to note how polarized young Bollywood is suddenly becoming.  Amusing, because there was a fresh breeze blowing through those cobwebs for a while, and our stars were finally letting their guards down and behaving like people their age do all over the world. Gone was the era of sly affairs, hot denials and a life spent in living a lie! Freed from those shackles, the brave new breed was out there, letting bold roles do all the talking. Now this!
Flaunting or not flaunting a relationship is the sole prerogative of the couple involved. We are all for celeb discretion and all that. But not when it is selectively employed . Celeb –media equations are at best a controlled war zone globally. What works best is a sensible approach based on trust and mutual respect.  Celebs who understand the symbiotic need that exists, get a better deal. Those who try and manipulate media by planting stories or playing ball as and when publicity is required ( before the release of a new film), will discover it’s not a one way street – respect has to be earned by both.
 Come on, Virat and Anushka – show the way.  Be yourselves! The runs and roles will come, whether or not you share a bedroom.
                                                                 *************
 Do give me feedback! Remember, I do read every single comment and value your opinion...




Jhadoo politics...

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At the Pujo Baadi on Ashtami day...
Now getting set for Diwali....
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To see or not to see.... that's the question. I saw!!!

                    Haider : Boycott bigotry… not movie….
The tragic hero of the desi Hamlet is Kashmir, not Shahid Kapoor.
Admission : I did not love the movie (Bhardwaj’s  weakest in the trilogy). But I still will not advocate a boycott of the film. Nor subscribe to the vicious hate campaign let loose on the actors over assorted social media platforms. “Hum hai, ki hum nahin?” sounded a bit too twee… even arrogant,  as a take- off on the immortal ‘To be or not to be…” line. And that did it for me!  Mind you, this wasn’t  even the worst line in the most talked about film of the year. But that’s not what the protests are about. Those who are urging audiences to stay away, have made their point. Their point  is this : Bhardwaj has made a lop-sided film that projects the Indian Army in the worst possible light, seems sympathetic towards militants, glorifies terrorists, and ignores the ‘other’ picture ( the pathetic plight and flight of Kashmiri pundits). Their strident views have found several takers who believe Bhardwaj pushed his luck by projecting the Indian Army in such a sadistic light.  He has. There, I said it. That’s his prerogative as a film maker -  it is his perspective. His decision. Hamlet / Haider  does not matter. Kashmir does. It is an unambiguously political film. A position has been taken. Political cinema has never been known for its ‘neutrality’ ( that defeats the purpose of making a political film) Perhaps, it is time for us to grow up and take it on the chin – however uncomfortable that makes us.
Crtics have raved about the visual poetry of the movie. But at the end of the film, it is the prose that stays. Tabu, playing the wily Ghazala ( oooof!  Imagine denying the audience the chance to dive into her dark , expressive eyes by getting her to wear hideous, tiger brown coloured lenses – Bhardwaj’s biggest sin), asks her noble surgeon husband, “ Kis taraf hai aap?” when he decides to operate on a militant. Dr.Hilal Meer ( soberly played by Narendra Jha – but I wish Bhardwaj had not blow dried his hair as fussily) relies steadily, “ Zindagi ke…” In a way, that single exchange sums up the movie and its message… and redeems the film from being what its accusers are calling it – propagandist and anti-India. Though, I have to say, it’s hard to overlook the obvious bias that drives the rest of the narrative.
In a bid to soften the bludgeoning of the Indian Army ( for some reason, most of the tough talking officers are South Indians – Ramamurthy being the harshest),  Bhardwaj has added a line or two after the film ends, about the great, humanitarian service performed by the Indian Armed Forces during the recent devastating floods in J and K. Disingenuous… an after thought ? By then audiences have pretty much made up their minds and come to a few nasty conclusions. So what? We can handle nasty! We can, right?
Yes, the film has polarized viewers, generated controversy, and is likely to be banned in Pakistan. It’s fine. Powerful cinema does that to people. Unless , of course, you believe in going to the movies in order to numb your senses. If that is so, forget ‘Haider’.  It isn’t for the weak hearted. As narratives go, it is flawed and self -indulgent to an annoying degree . While Shahid Kapoor gives it his best shot ( too much hair spray ruined it for me) , more seasoned actors like Kay Kay Menon ( superlative ), and Irrfan Khan ( effortlessly menacing), steal the show. Watch it, if only to learn a favourite Hebrew word I use a lot and  love– Chutzpah. Roughly translated, it means a certain audacity to get away with outrageous conduct. If only Bhardwaj and Co. had taken the trouble to find out how it is pronounced (‘ Hoots-pah’ – NOT  ‘ Choots-pa’ as Haider keeps repeating ), perhaps the movie itself would have  felt more authentic.
Next time, guys – get the details right! And that extends to more than just the correct way to say and demonstrate asli ‘Chutzpah’.
                                                             **************
Asian Age....
                                             Bharatwaasis – Pick up that broom and start sweeping!
 Trust me, I am feeling really guilty, sheepish vaghera today. I haven’t picked up a jhadoo this morning, and got to work. Not even in my own home, forget the filthy streets of Mumbai. No wonder, I didn’t make it to Narendra Modi’s elite Dirt Squad of eminent citizens who have taken the Jhadoo Pledge. To be fair, I didn’t participate in that other nonsensical pledge either ( Ice Bucket ), so I am feeling a little better. Nine seems to be the magic number these days.  The nation is going to be galvanized by nine inspiring citizens (who just happen to be be popular movie stars, industrialists and sports people). The 9x9 story of Swachch Bharat reminds me of those wretched chain letters we used to get in the mail (when mail existed). Each time I received one, I would bin it, and hold my breath for the next 12 hours. All of them came with dire warnings. If someone was reckless enough to break that chain, awful things were in store for the irresponsible person. But -  aha – if you kept the chain going, you would receive a gift within three days. My friends hated me for breaking the chain and depriving them of the promised gifts. Soon, I was taken off all lists. I have to confess I felt a little left out. This was a form of social exclusion, that made me feel unworthy. Well, that’s how I am feeling right now. The thing is, my low  self worth is still not pushing me into picking up that broom and hitting the roads. I think I need therapy. Not just for the broom lapse, though. I need therapy because I seem to be in a tiny majority that is not quite getting it , nor going gaga over the initiative!  But why? The message is strong and unambiguous. What is there not to get, you ask? Ummm. A lot.
Driving down the hazardous slopes of Mussoorie on Gandhi Jayanti, hurtling towards Dehra Dun to catch my flight home, the car I was in, was halted by a long procession clogging a narrow street. I thought it was Mussoorie’s version of  Hong Kong’s Umbrella Protests. There was a slight drizzle, and the slogan raising jhuloos wallas, were sauntering along at a leisurely pace, protected by umbrellas. I rolled down the window and asked what was going on. The person replied brightly that they were all on a massive clean up drive.  The irony of it all, was that this exchange took place right in front of a gigantic garbage dump overflowing with mounds of rotting garbage. I suggested mildly that they should start right there, with the dump, instead of raising slogans and blocking traffic. I noticed nobody was carrying a jhadoo. But everybody was quoting the Prime Minister. I  pleaded with the placard bearing marchers to let the car pass. When I looked back, one of the protestors had just thrown a paan masala sachet on the road.
Swachch Bharat is a loaded term. We need to be ‘swachch’ on several fronts. Cleaning up our neighbourhoods is a great start… but hello! why should we be doing the municipality’s work ? We pay taxes to keep our cities garbage free. Happy to help and all that, but is this really the job of citizens? Mumbai is one gigantic garbage dump. Visitors to Mumbai recognize the metropolis from its unmistakable stench – a combination of  rotting fish and the usual muck that accumulates when waste management is a low priority. Those of us who live in this kachra, have forced ourselves to ignore it. Or, we tackle the problem by paying private garbage collectors to do what the local government is obliged to do – take care of the city’s sanitation -  but doesn’t.  It is a bit unfair to send India on a guilt trip and keep invoking the name of Mahatma Gandhi.  Unless we implement stricter laws for and impose fines ( like it happens in the rest of the world) on those who blatantly ignore civic responsibilities.  The Prime Minister may be shown sweeping India Gate and other places, on a daily basis, but we will not take the hint and follow his example. You know why? The change he seeks and the awareness he hopes to generate ( both, very positive programmes, I hasten to add), may not progress beyond tokenism. It  may turn out to be yet another , short lived ‘movement’, no deeper than the Ice Bucket trend, which died a swift death once the craze was over. Even so, let’s face it, in terms of powerful symbolism, it has worked brilliantly.
Agreed, India needs to be toilet trained. We can’t go on soiling our nappies forever.  A smallish start has been made .  Abhi nahi, toh kabhi nahi! For decades we have merrily ignored that catchy slogan, “ Cleanliness is next to Godliness.” Most of our temple courtyards remain revoltingly filthy. If  we cannot keep places of worship clean, how can we possibly transform neighbourhoods?
Poor Arvind Kejriwal must be feeling really short changed right now. He no longer has the monopoly over the jhadoo - the one thing he was clinging on to, when all else had been snatched away. This is India’s Sauchalaya Moment. In more ways than one. If we get this one thing right, the rest of the crap we are dealing with, will also follow. Keep the faith, Bharatwaasis.  A solemn promise to clean the country has been made by the Prime Minister. We will hold him to it. As for me, I will take my time to give a ‘Jhadoo ki Jhappi’  to the municipal janitor. That is, if the person shows up at all!!
Just checking -  Is it true there are plans to rename All India Radio to All India Modi?
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Mumbai Mirror...
                     Mimlu Sen : “ Born to be wild…”
The annual Lit Fest madness is upon us! Not that I am complaining. But the recently concluded Apeejay  Fest in Mussoorie stands out for more than one reason. For one, it is intended for a specific audience – strictly no outsiders, no press. And what an audience! Hosted by India’s premier training ground for all those scarily brilliant men and women who keep the wheels of bureaucracy moving ( or not!) across the country, the LBSNAA (Lal Bahadur Shastri National Academy of Administration) saw a terrific mix of writers, thinkers in dynamic sessions with young India’s best and brightest brains – the Probationers! Three intense days packed with interactive seminars, interspersed with chai /coffee breaks, and ahem… disco/ dandiya raas evenings, made it a memorable experience all the way. But for me, the most fascinating participant by far was Mimlu Sen – musician-author and life partner of  legendary Baul performer Paban Das Baul. Mimlu’s life is worthy of a bio pic ! Yes, it’s that riveting. Take a look : Born into a very ‘bhadralok’ ( educated, sophisticated, ‘respectable’) family in Shillong, Mimlu, who said she was ‘born a wild child’, ran away from home at age 11. Okay, she didn’t get too far and was dragged back by concerned neighbours. Not that it stopped Mimlu from exploring her wild side at a later date. Product of the mad and wonderful 60s and 70s,  studying in Kolkata and participating in street protests demanding an end to a distant war in Viet Nam, Mimlu got drawn into radical politics and revolutionary movements that led to her being jailed for what were described as Naxalite activities ( she has written a book, aptly titled ‘Black Maria’ about that period ). Sick and tired of a bourgeois existence, she fled to Paris (where else?) where she was living happily in a ménage a trios, with two children -  Duniya and Krishna – when a powerful voice altered the course of her life forever. By chance, she happened to hear someone singing songs like no other… drawn to the music, she met nomadic Baul singer Paban… and instinctively decided to become his life partner. Today, so many years later, they are very much together, though she hastily clarifies, “ He belongs to everybody, not just to me.”
 In Mussoorie, I got the chance to meet Paban and hear him sing. I recalled listening to him more than a decade ago. He was a different Baul then. I guess, living in Paris and doing gigs across the world, from Mexico to Africa, has changed the nomad. He still prefers to speak exclusively in Bengali, his Hindi is charmingly kuchcha, and he leaves English to Mimlu, who plays the cymbals and translates his songs for international audiences. It is quite a story. Apart from being a most remarkable partnership.
 I read an earlier interview of Mimlu, where she said she was attracted to Paban, because he (like all the Bauls ) practiced Prem Sadhna ( Tantric love ). It is a profound , philosophical way of life that is deeply rooted in being in sync with the elements.Watching both of them together, was an education. Mimlu’s husky accent goes from French to Bengali, as she fluidly interprets Paban’s passionate lyrics. Along with her key role in Paban’s performances, Mimlu remains deeply political (she participated in a volatile debate “Naxalism, Then and Now -  A Continuum?’ With the likes of Sumanta Banerjee and Gautam Navlakha). But, over and above any of this, her involvement and concern remain focused on Paban – making sure he gets his sleep, eats on time and has the necessary back up on stage. Someone asked her about Paban’s habit of chewing tobacco, and she answered naturally and  lightly, “ You have to understand, Paban is a villager – he cannot do without chewing tobacco.”
The original wild child is now a subdued , wise middle aged woman. It made me think of how loosely and foolishly we throw that term ( wild child ) around to describe starlets, rock stars, painters who  take  slightly unconventional paths – perhaps colour their hair purple or shave their heads. But here’s Mimlu – a woman who had the guts to follow her own path… to listen to her heart…. to pay the price… and never look back. Mimlu can well afford to say about Paban, her frail, wooly haired ‘Boshtomi’ ( life partner), who sings about life as only a Baul can , “ Paban lives on a Planet called Mimlu.”
It is not a boast. It is fulfillment.




'Small Betrayals''. The new book is out!

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Lovely Sunday! Launched my latest book - a collection of short stories - this afternoon, at the TataLive! Lit Fest in Mumbai. I was In Conversation with British Scholar Ted Hodgkinson, and it turned out to be one of the liveliest sessions I have participated in, at any Lit Fest!
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 This appeared in Mumbai Mirror....
                         Amruta Ranade Fadnavis: Meet the Missus
Forget Devendra. Hello! Amruta. And welcome to Mumbai… ! You are going to fit right in, I can tell you. Your husband may be the youngest Chief Minister of  Maharashtra. But you, my dear, are the star! It is you who interests the city far more. Remember, you are now the official ‘vahini’ of the State. Previous ‘vahinis’ have been convention bound and boring, choosing  to stay out of the public eye, therby leaving their high profile ‘yajmaans’ to hog the limelight. But those ‘vahinis’ were not like you to start with. At 35, you are a proud, financially independent working woman (Associate V.P. Axis Bank). Just like millions of fellow Mumbaikars. We are exceedingly proud of our female work force – from the hard working Kolis to corporate power ladies. Our women form the strong spine that keeps Mumbai going on multiple levels. Soon you will be one of us. According to published reports, you have asked for a transfer to a branch in Mumbai, and I am guessing you will get it. But you have also stated if that does not happen, you will continue working at the premium branch in Nagpur. This is what any professional would do. Given your upbringing ( both parents being doctors ), it explains your work ethic and modern thinking. When you stated “ I want to grow intellectually,” to an interviewer, it was clear you weren’t going to be the traditional , decorative ‘vahini’. What a relief!
Going by the fact you addressed over 100 meetings in Nagpur on behalf of your husband ( while he was busy hurtling across the State on behalf of his party ), he owes you a big one. I mean, his impressive win by a 59k lead has a lot to do with your focused campaigning with the women of his constituency ( all the Mahila Mandals who backed him). You urged the ladies to come out and vote for your man. And they did just that! You also kept the daily 100- plus visitors to your home, well fed and looked after, while making sure the hubby stayed away from oily food and mithais.  It was the others who got to eat  the laddoos – ha ha ha! Oh yes…. given the high,sartorial standards set by the PM, you also took charge of  your husband’s wardrobe! Wah! Kya baat hai! Especially because your husband  used to be a model! Yes, Sir!  His old bill boards show him prancing and preening for a shirt brand…that’s pretty cool! I don’t think Maharashtra  has been lucky enough to get a  model-CM during its long history. We’ve seen all kinds of blokes, peddling all kinds of stuff. But not shirts. Well, some of them did specialize in shirts – they took them off our backs. But this Devendra Dude is different. In more ways than one – he married you!
We like the bike story a lot! Apparently, you often coax hubby to take you for a ride. Errr… on his motorbike. That won’t be possible in Mumbai, alas –  not with him as CM.  Besides,you have noticed the chaotic, traffic, right? Apparently, you also get him to join you during stage performances and sing a duet or two. Again, now that he is the CM, poor guy will be singing a different tune henceforth… possibly, in Gujarati. But so long as both of you sing in sync, that’s what matters.
Your ‘ideal bahu’ story gets better and better! You frequently give credit for your husband’s amazing success story to Sarita, your feisty mother-in-law. Ekta Kapoor, please note! You may be 8 years younger than your husband, but you sound incredibly mature in the way you handle your many roles. As for your daughter Diviija, all of 5, hey – she’s something else. A natural born politician. I heard the biggest kick she derives is when she entertains an audience by repeating her dad’s political bhaashans. Which 5-year-old does that? And she prefers to attend his rallies over playing with other kids.  I guess, she won’t opt for banking as a career when she grows up…

This is going to be fun for all of us. Please don’t change… or turn invisible once you taste the ‘CM-ki-Biwi’ life.  Just be yourself. Hang with people your age. Check out Mumbai’s night life.  Let your hair down. Meet people other than politicos. Mumbai has an incredibly vibrant core which sensibly ignores officialdom and dull protocol. If the CM can’t take you for bike rides, we’ll find you people who can! Make the most of Mumbai, dearest Amruta. Trust me, your husband couldn’t have given you a better gift than the chance to experience one of the greatest cities of the world – aamchi Mumbai!
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This appeared in Mumbai Mirror...
                            Siraj-Sajida ki love story…
Reeeellllllax, ladies.  I am not going to diss your ‘Karwa Chauth’ rituals. To each, her own punishment! If  dressing up in bridal finery, applying mehendi and giggling with other women while waiting  for  the moon  ( and your men) to show up, does it for you… and your marriage, good luck with the annual festival of  Karwa Chauth. . Meaningful  to some. Absurd to others. This year, I hear, several sensitive partners , same sex couples and ex-lovers, are participating in the day long fast. Given the dismal weather forecast, I only hope the errant ‘chand’ manages to peek through the clouds and signal the start of  hearty feasting following the fasting.
But my mind is more on a unique love story that is pretty fascinating.  Sajida, the young wife and mother of three kids, is married to Siraj,  a Pakistani man who  took  a wrong train in 1995 and accidentally strayed into ‘enemy’ country  -  India. He was 10 at the time and had run away from home. Instead of boarding a train to Karachi, he got into one that brought him to Amritsar. Well… here’s the irony : the only real home he has ever known, is India. The only real family he has, is in India. Possibly, the only real love he ever experienced  happened in India. One look at the photograph of Siraj with his wife and three kids ( a son and two daughters ), and the absurdity of  life (and some complex laws that control destinies of people caught in the cross fire), raises all sorts of troubling questions.  Since 1995, Siraj  has lived with uncertainty and fear. The man has not broken any laws during this period. He has merely tried to get on with his life, like millions of others in this busy metropolis. Late last year, Siraj Khan Pathan was convicted of entering India illegally in 1995! He finished serving his sentence on May 6th, but had been kept under detention under Section11(2) of the Foreigners’ Act. A few days ago, he was mysteriously released from the RAK Marg police station, but minus papers. Is that his fault?
The cops want to make sure he doesn’t abscond.  Abscond… and go where?
The  madness and tragedy of it all!
 Siraj has been on the run since he was a kid. Getting on a wrong train brought the little boy to Amritsar. It happens. His life would never be the same again. Heaven knows what made the child run away from home ? What traumas he may have suffered back then ? And he is still being chased out? Surely, he has run out of stamina by now? Surely, he wants to lead a ‘normal’ life with his small family? Perhaps, we shall never know the full story. But that doesn’t matter. Even if half the story is accurate, it seems cruel to treat any person like this.
I know, I know. It’s about timing. Siraj’s crisis could not have taken place at a worse time. Too many, very disturbing , bloody and violent incidents have taken place on the Indo-Pak border, while this little drama was unfolding in Mumbai. Such is human nature that there will be any number of ‘patriotic’ Indians asking, “ Why should we be showing so much consideration for one of THEM, when they are butchering OUR people?”  For God’s sake - the two are not automatically interlinked. Does any 10- year- old child know his/her nationality / identity in a deeper sense?  Must the accidental place of  birth colour the rest of  life? Siraj has found refuge … love…. fulfillment here. This is all he has known as an adult. He is as much of a stake holder in Mumbai, as the next Mumbaikar. Are we going to plant seeds of hatred and poison  in his head after close to two decades of  living in peace in a country not his own? What about Sajida and the children? What crime have they committed?
I am sure there are many more Sirajs on both sides of the border. Several may be  permanently doomed and locked up in nasty prisons, with not a hope in hell of escape. Does that mean detaining Siraj is somehow ‘justified’ ? A sensitive and fair handling of this tricky case can send out a good signal, even to those who benefit by kindling the fires of enmity and suspicion. The love story of Siraj and Sajida is what inspires me today to think about the real significance of  Karwa Chauth - well beyond the trappings and commercialization of this simple act of faith,  during which a wife demonstrates love, loyalty and commitment to her husband, who reciprocates ( hopefully!) with equal fervor.
Let’s hope there is a permanent and happy ending to the Siraj-Sajida saga.
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This appeared in The Week...
                           Egg-xactly why it won’t work!
There were waves of revulsion sweeping over my ‘rational’ self, when I first read about the latest attempt to appropriate a woman’s womb via a procedure called ‘egg freezing’. Even the sound of it made me recoil. Are we chickens in an industrial coop? How dare Facebook and Apple hijack our ovaries in return for a few dollars more? Will manipulating nature in such a blatant fashion provide any real answers? Help the cause? Will women feel more secure in the work place, knowing their precious eggs ( surgically extricated) are lying frozen in a safe place somewhere, to be thawed and reinserted into their poor bodies at a convenient ( to the Company!) time and place? This is worse than any sci-fi movie script! Not only is the latest American corporate conspiracy insulting, it is intrusive, loathsome and demeaning in the extreme. Jessica Bennett, writing in TIME magazine, mentioned ‘egg-freezing’ parties hosted by fertility clinics, where women can discuss options over martinis! Really…. so this is the latest version of the old Tupperware parties in America? How soon before the trend comes to our shores and we have a brand new avatar of the Kitty Party, at which women talk about their preferred egg bank and its whopping price tag, the way they do about their latest Birkin or solitaire ?
I hope that never happens. Never ! Our biological clocks are our own business. Corporates should leave our eggs alone. Instead of luring bright, educated women to mess around with their bodies, after offering all sorts of financial inducements ($20,000 is not an insignificant amount), why don’t these companies lobby for  real reforms that are more sensitive towards women? As pointed out by Seema Mohapatra ( a healthcare law  and bioethics expert at the Barry University School of  Law) in a recent interview, the US is one of just 8 countries in the world that does not require paid maternity leave.  And look at the others on the list  -  countries like Liberia, Suriname and Papua New Guinea! Why not start right there, and rectify the problem at its roots? Has Facebook conducted a detailed research study on the efficacy of egg freezing? What about adverse health effects? The risks involved? Is there a time frame for freezing, thawing and re inserting these eggs? What would that  be  - 10 years? 20 years? What is the guarantee that the complex procedure will work? In the meantime, countless young, female professionals have given up a few key, personal options – perhaps forever.
Buying out a woman’s absolute right over her womb, is anti-humanity. Some women may submit willingly due to financial constraints. But that cannot be justified by any corporate, when the motives are unambiguously selfish to start with. Not willing to support women by providing crèches and day care centres at the work place, they are now trying to lure them into experimenting with their own bodies…their lives. Why not create offices that are pro-family in the true sense of the word? Yes, women in the workforce are indispensable today. Respect that reality by changing the work environment first. Do not violate a woman’s right to bear or not bear children on her own terms. A woman’s fertility is sacred. Nobody should be allowed to tamper with it.
Now what? While the debate rages on, an Australian company is also offering payments to women for freezing eggs.There is something almost sinister about this new development. Men remain fertile forever ( almost!), so the onus of salvaging  future generations stays with women, who have biological clocks ticking away from the time of their birth. Men and women in the workplace are competing for the same jobs. Sooner or later men will start resenting these juicy egg-freezing incentives given to their female colleagues. What then? No. This is definitely not the way forward. Besides, it’s not even a fair option, since nobody is giving an extra dime to women who represent lower income groups.
 In all fairness, it needs to be pointed out that Apple and Facebook do offer other, attractive family benefits ( subsidized day care, paid paternity leave etc), but that still leaves a huge moral issue when it comes to egg freezing. As feminists are asking, does this initiative discriminate against women who opt to have babies as and when they choose to? Will this force women to reconsider choices? Postpone motherhood? These are all new and scary scenarios that will take a while to establish their legitimacy. The complex issues thrown up by the egg-freezing debate have several implications and ramifications – religious , emotional, physical, cerebral. Instead of taking away a woman’s autonomy over her eggs, and pressurizing her to take decisions that come with health risks, let’s demand more sensitivity, combined with responsibility. The time has come to enhance the lives of women in meaningful and significant ways. This is precisely why women across the world should unite and send out a strong message to global corporate houses  pushing them into parting with their most valuable asset. It’s time to say: My eggs are not for sale!
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This appeared in Asian Age/ Deccan Chronicle
                          ‘Model’ CM: Fadnavis – when life imitates theatre
The first time I watched a performance of the shocking, path breaking Jabbar Patel  production  of  Vijay Tendulkar’s scorcher of a  play ,‘Ghashiram Kotwal’ (1978 or thereabouts), I was completely blown away.  I watched it  again… and again. But that was a long, long time ago. I wish I could watch it once more, for it continues to remain as potent, as relevant,  as subversive today, as it was 36 years ago. Tendulkar first wrote it in 1972 in response to the rise of the Shiv Sena. So strong was its impact, it faced a ban and generated enough controversy to fuel vociferous protests each time it was staged. It is a pity contemporary theatre lovers are denied the opportunity to share this extraordinary experience.  Whenever I run into Dr. Mohan Agashe these days, I can only see Nana Phadnavis – the despicable, wily character he immortalized in the play . I asked Mohan why ‘Ghashiram….’ has not been revived. The collective genius of so many highly gifted collaborators could easily attract corporate sponsors. But that hasn’t happened… for obvious reasons. There can be no other Nana Phadnavis, of course, and as Mohan pointed out wryly, the timing for a revival  is also perfect . Mohan brought spine tingling ferocity and a sinister edge to his performance as the shrewd, sadistic, amoral Minister in the court of the Peshwas, who stops at nothing to grab and wield absolute power in a weakened, hopelessly decadent state, dominated by rulers drunk  on their ownunchecked  position of  privilege. As the play progresses , Phadnavis reduces the Peshwas to poor jokes of their earlier avatars. Agashe , making the most effective use of his thin, nasal voice and adopting a particular gait ,conveyed  just one thing - unbridled  tyranny. Mohan was evil personified, his every entry marked  by  rhythmic music that prepared the audience for the vileness to follow. Patel brilliantly exploited the folk theatre tradition of ‘Tamasha’ in this riveting portrait of corrosive totalitarianism.
Abuse of power lends itself to artistic interpretations like few other subjects. Today, Maharashtra has demonstrated unambiguously that its people have risen against oppression and arrogance .Today’s Maharashtrian doesn’t really give a damn about traditional obsessions – ask the young voter in this election whether it matters a jot to him that the new CM of the State  is  a Brahmin and not a Maratha, and chances are, you’ll get a bewildered look or a withering, scornful stare in return. Pegging political identity to the old ‘Marathi Manoos’ script is old hat, irrelevant and annoying . The new Maharashtrian is  an aggressive, ambitious, results-driven voter. If anything, the old bogey of ‘outsider/insider’ has been pushed aside in one sweep – and may it remain in the dustbin forever. Since nothing is quite as effective in today’s social media driven times, as piquant, pointed satire, I watched a ‘Being Indian’ video on Youtube which featured two ‘typical’ Maharashtrian boys indulging in hilarious banter. Interestingly enough, they were merrily poking fun at familiar sacred cows. The sarcastic script took everyone and everything apart, including that phoney ‘North Indians’ paranoia mischievously unleashed on the city by political hoodlums. Which is why, it is vital for the newly minted CM to grab this God -given opportunity  and undo the monumental mess in Maharashtra. Devendra Fadnavis has a tough job ahead of him. He isn’t exactly 100% kosher himself (there are a hefty 22 criminal cases against him, which include charges of assault, rioting and unlawful entry). He is an unknown entity in Mumbai, and is seen more as a Nagpur man. Narendra Modi called him “ Nagpur’s gift to the country’. Earlier , that ‘gift’ was identified with Nagpur oranges.
 Once the Chariots of  Fire roll out of the Wankhede Stadium and the maha drama of the ridiculously extravagant swearing-in ceremony ( complete with Bollywood-style sets) is behind us, we will watch Fadnavis closely. Of course, everybody knows the man has an omnipotent remote control ( Amit Shah) monitoring his every move. Which may not be such a terrible thing, given the tattered condition of  Maharashtra’s economy right now ( at last count, the State was dealing with a debt of 13 lakh crores). Fadnavis comes with respectable educational credentials ( a law degree, plus a post-graduate degree in Business Management). We know he is married to a working professional (banker) and is the father of a precocious 5 - year- old daughter, rumoured to entertain guests with a faithful rendition of her father’s fiery political speeches! Cleaning up the BMC should be on top of the new CM’s priorities, for unless we get rid of the rot that has seen Mumbai’s descent into a putrid hell hole, nothing else is likely to change. How he tackles the nexus between his political rivals and the builders’ lobby (together they have looted and stripped not just Mumbai, but gigantic swathes of prime real estate across Maharashtra ) , will also define his relationship with a demoralized police force.  As for corporate India, well… it doesn’t take time for our accommodating Captains of Industry to realign themselves to a new order. So long as Fadnavis demonstrates a strong will to clean up the massive devastation he has inherited, and does so transparently, the people of Maharashtra will whole heartedly support his initiatives. If  Fadnavis is as clever as Modi thinks he is, he will leave the contentious Vidharba issue alone for now.
This may be the turning point in Maharashtra’s fortunes. Expectations are running high. Fadnavis is young (44), which is a big plus. He appears gregarious and outgoing. Will he be able to manage the various warring factions angling for key portfolios and positions? For that, the ‘go to’ man ain’t our Devendra Fadnavis. It is the portly Amit Shah – rightly being described as the de facto CM of Maharashtra.
 So, let the party begin! No more ‘tamasha’. Only  ‘tootaris’, please!




Amrika returned!!!

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So looking forward to my friend and former colleague,  Godfrey Joseph Pereira's debut novel, ''Bloodline Bandra''. As is the case in most first books, this one too, is drawn from the author's life as a Bandra Boy, born in Pali Village, speaking that particular East Indian lingo , and making the long journey to New York, after a very successful stint as a journalist in India. What he documents  next, will shock you - the life of a 'legal slave'' working for an exploitative desi employer, before freeing himself from further  tyranny. It launches across South East Asia on 25th November.
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A fortnight spent in Amrika, was an eye opener on many levels! It was a great trip and we narrowly missed getting snowed under. Thanks to my TiE Con friends Toni Das Gupta in LA and Nitin Rai in Portland, I got to meet some extraordinary people when I addressed members in both cities. I would love to post pictures of the trip on the blog.... but the images are on my phone and I don't know how to transfer them. Any solutions???
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This appeared in Sunday Times...
     Modi has made chutney of the media….
Keep them hungry. Keep them guessing. Starve the media. Throw them crumbs. Make them beg. Narendra Modi and his strategists are on top of the game. And it is becoming a bit much! Not since the infamous Emergency imposed by Indira Gandhi in 1977, has Indian media been reduced to this pathetic level of redundancy, meekly reproducing press handouts and forgetting all about critical analysis. Modi has established a new set of ground rules for any sort of media engagement. And those are pretty simple – it’s his way or the highway. So far, Modi is in the driver’s seat. And his team is winning. When and how did this terrible fall take place? Was it cold bloodedly planned? Or does desi media itself have a death wish? Lots has been made of the Diwali Milan in Delhi during which several mighty journalists fell over themselves to click Selfies with the Prime Minister. I won’t really read too much into that – this is the age of the Selfie. Everybody but everybody wants to click one – even President Obama. Hell, I tried it (unsuccessfully, I might add) with Narendra Modi myself at Nita Ambani’s Mumbai event, where top Bollywood stars were falling over backwards to do the same. Selfies are addictive. Nobody lives the moment anymore -  people prefer to record it! It’s the irresistible childish thrill of capturing an image of yourself with a famous/ notorious person … and sharing / gloating later. Selfies, per se , are pretty harmless and don’t  mean a thing. Not even those taken with the P.M.  The media surrender I am referring to, is far more insidious and goes well beyond jostling for space next to one of the most watched individuals on earth right now. Trust me, Selfies with celebs would have happened  decades ago, had Selfies existed back then.
The real worry about media’s dramatic descent, is the spectacular absence of  any dissent… any distance, from Modi and his team. Why are seasoned journalists suddenly shying away from analyzing the political scenario, adopting the same stringent critical standards they once adhered to? What is everybody afraid of all of a sudden? Retribution? Of what kind? Could it also be true that the established media class representing an earlier era ( which had benefitted so richly from government largesse in the past ) has taken the softer option and decided  to play ball with Modi?
Love fests between journos  and politicians are doomed affairs, as so many scribes discover to their chagrin once the cosy relationship curdles and ends. So long as one feeds off the other, the equilibrium is maintained – albeit uneasily.. The trouble starts when a new set of power brokers emerges almost overnight and challenges the old status quo. That seems to be the case with Modi and the press right now.
 It’s time for journalists themselves to do some serious ‘Mann Ki Baat’ with the nation. Have we brought this on ourselves? Even if that is the case, why are we putting up with ill treatment and open contempt? Which is the best way to regain lost ground…. some self- respect, for Godssake ? It’s definitely not through sucking up to Modi and his A-team. Chamchagiri has its pitfalls and chamchas invariably come to grief in the long run. Every shrewd politician knows that. The old practice of cultivating and ‘paalo-ing’ sympathetic / friendly journalists is long over. We live in social media times, where it’s a savage free for all. Nothing and no one is ‘untouchable’. There are no sacred cows left. You give as good as you get…. and only the toughest survive.
 Modi prefers to control and calibrate media interactions – what is euphemistically called ‘managing the fourth estate’. For him it has always been a one way street. This suits him just fine. It also establishes who is boss.  Modi’s message to the media is direct and simple : Get lost! He has proved he doesn’t need traditional media by going all out to conquer new media. He was the first desi politician to understand the awesome power of public opinion as expressed through user- friendly platforms like Twitter, FB and more. He harnessed and exploited the incredible potential of all available electronic  media to kick start his campaign, construct his global image and win that unbelievable mandate during the last general elections. Having tasted victory, he is convinced there is absolutely no need to woo the press. And he is absolutely right!
But does that mean that the press also stops doing its assigned job? Gets seamlessly co-opted? Kowtows to officialdom? Pounces greedily on morsels of monitored information thrown its way? If we carry on like Modi slaves much longer, the day won’t be far before we give up all claims to credible, truthful, hard hitting journalism and turn ourselves into performing monkeys, happy to dance to Modi’s ‘dumru’. What a sad day that will be for India!

 Narendra Modi has made chutney of the media in India. Ramnath Goenka and others who stood up and walked tall while the rest crawled inn 1977 -  where are you when we need you the most?
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                NDTV Blog 14                           
                               India’s ‘Damaad’ flexes his muscles… and gets kayoed!
Are we nuts?
Are we idiots??????
Sonia  Gandhi’s son-in-law seems to think so!
The  most notorious muscleman ( all brawn, chhota bheja) in India, has landed  himself in a mess flexing those pumped up biceps( the size of well- fed puppies) during an altercation with an ANI reporter, who had the himmat to ask him a forbidden question, when he was supposed to stick to the script and focus on body building. After all, theindividual infamously referred to as a ‘thug’ and India’s ‘Al Capone’ by Dr. Subramaniam Swamy, was doing the honours inaugurating a gym , and not addressing a political rally. The ANI chap bravely tried to push his luck by doing  what any hard- nosed journo would have done face-to-face with a person who has a lot to answer for – Priyanka Gandhi’s buff hubby, Robert Vadra -  Delhi’s perennial party boy and front row fixture at assorted fashion shows. Little did the enterprising reporter know that a politely worded question about the Haryana land deals scandal Vadra is embroiled in would lead to a national debate.Vadra lost it!  Questioned the man’s sanity, called him an idiot , pushed aside the mike and camera, and left his heavies to do the rest ( demand the offensive footage  get instantly deleted ). All hell broke loose after that…
 Here comes the far more interesting story. Once the clips went public, responses were sought from Congresswallas. Diggy Raja dutifully trotted out the  tired old, “ He’s a private citizen…” cliche, and made it worse by projecting Vadra as a victim being ‘ hounded’ by the media. Bechaara Bob! He must have felt so hurt, so hurt by that direct question, that his mother-in-law had to rush to his side and console him for 45 long minutes. Vadra, the private citizen, who has enjoyed the most incredible public privileges in the country all these years, is a seriously pissed off  man. As a very private citizen, who has never held any public office (or any known office, for that matter!), Robert’s supporters have every right to protest . After all, the poor guy just happens to  get treated like a VVIP – is that his fault? Yes, he has body guards and commandos trailing him… so what? Who stops other private citizens from hiring their own private armies, huh? And why grudge the man a few, chhota mota perks like being exempt from frisking at airports etc. These are small , petty matters in a democracy  - let’s face it, some people are just more equal, that’s all. Why are the BJP chaps making such a big deal out of this? And imagine calling his behaviour ‘inappropriate’. What is inappropriate about insulting a reporter doing his job? As if their party people have never misbehaved with the media? Thank God for Sandeep Dixit, who showed some sense by not endorsing this particular private citizen’s right to intimidate a tv reporter. Unfortunately, Sandeep’s simple act has not gone unnoticed by those out to prove their loyalty to Soniaji and her  ‘Damaadji’. It is being whispered that first Sheilaji ( Sandeep’s mother) praised Modiji ( sort of) and now the son has made conciliatory noises when the First Family is being openly attacked. Definitely, something black in the lentils …
The Broadcast Editors’ Association has demanded an apology from First Citizen Vadra. Meanwhile, the public is being given lessons on what the Constitution of India says about the right to privacy, personal space and liberty by Congress spokesmen.
The question to ask is this : When on earth will Robert Vadra  be ready to answer the questions being posed about the Haryana Land deals? Next week? Next month? Next year? Between gym routines? Right after strenuous work outs? Outside his favourite night club? Backstage during Fashion Week? He just has to say the word, and the media will be there at a time and venue picked by him. But if he really thinks the media is going to back off and let it go because of what happened on Saturday, forget it,  bro. No matter how inappropriate and inconvenient it appears to you and your ma-in-law’s  acolytes, there is a job to be done. If you have nothing to hide, and you are indeed innocent , prove it! And face the consequences – like any other private citizen of India.
It’s true what you said about us – we are nuts! We are idiots! Those questions should have been asked years ago. But this time we are also serious – jawaab de do, beta. Till then, expect more questions.  Aapke intezar mein…

The Tyranny of Notoriety....

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At the packed to capacity meet for NULIFE in Pune, recently. I am happy to announce that NULIFE will be launching one-bedroom units for senior citizens soon. This was after extensive market research showed that senior citizens were looking for a space that would meet their needs for a secure, comfortable life , in a conducive environment. This has always been the objective of NULIFE  and its promoters Disha Direct. For more information, check out their website.
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          Mumbai Mirror            28th Nov 2014
                                     Jashodaben – Superhero!!
Let’s hand it to her – it takes one hell of a lot of guts for the abandoned spouse of the powerful Prime Minister  of the country, to file an RTI application demanding to know what sort of privileges she is entitled to as the legally wedded wife of Narendra Modi! Most women in her unfortunate position would have either kept mum or taken full advantage of the situation ( read : perks). Clearly, Jashodaben is made of sterner stuff. How cool does that make her?
When she toodled off to submit the RTI application to the Mehsana police earlier this week, she was riding pillion ( with helmet? Without?) on her younger brother Ashok Modi’s scooty (she  has been living with him at his modest house in Unjha after her husband picked politics over his bride whom he married in 1968). Left to pursue her unfinished studies, Jashodaben was living a life of total obscurity, even during the time her husband was the high profile Chief Minister of Gujarat. And there she would probably have stayed even after he rose to lead his party to victory in the historic elections, had the Supreme Court guidelines not forced her husband to declare his marital status. For years and years, Modi had left his marital status blank while filing his nomination papers. But the Lok Sabha election papers made it mandatory for him to ‘do the needful’.  Virtually overnight,  Jashodaben’s existence became known to the public. One assumes she was fine with that, considering she remained under  wraps even after Modi assumed office. It was only after armed guards started to ‘protect’ her 24x7, that the lady decided it was time to ask a few relevant questions. Such as :  On whose orders was she being provided these guards? She went further, citing Indira Gandhi’s tragedy (Indira was assassinated by her own guards), and expressing her own fears that the ‘ambiguity’ revolving around the identity of these guards (who refused to tell her on whose orders they were tailing her!), made her believe there was a grave danger to her life. What an extraordinary charge to make, given her unique position!

 Today, the plucky lady is seeking answers to basic questions  and wants to know ‘all the protocol and facilities, including security details’ she is entitled to as the wife of the prime minister. She says her guards do not carry any official orders with them.  And what obviously bugs her equally is that these men tail her in comfortable, air conditioned cars while she uses public transport!  Oh yes – the guards also demand to be treated like her family’s ‘guests’  - which must mean they expect khaana –peena from her kitchen1 Hello????
Her RTI application is bold, blunt and to the point. It reads, “ I am the wife of the prime minister of India and have been extended security as per protocol. Which other service can be extended to me under the protocol? Give me a detailed description of the protocol.” Hurrah!Good on you, gurrrlll! She also stated in an interview to a journalist that she is willing to go and stay with the Prime Minister as his wife in Delhi. Jashodaben wears a mangalsutra around her neck and sindhoor in the parting of her hair –  easily recognizable symbols of being a married woman.
 Now the ball is in her husband’s court.
 Will he reinstate a lady in his life who he has not been with for 46 years ( well, technically, they shared space for the first 2 or 3 years of their married life… if that counts). Will Jashodaben be formally ‘presented in court’ as it were, any time soon? Will she be his official hostess at State banquets? Accompany him on his official tours overseas’? Receive Barrack and Michelle Obama when they arrive for the grand Republic Day Parade on 26th January, 2015?
 Even more importantly, will someone – anyone – explain to this bewildered lady who exactly those heavies are and why they are tailing her? Is it really for her protection? If ‘yes’ – reveal their identities, produce relevant orders and that will be that.
Her fears are understandable and entirely justified.
On the other hand -  and let me play the Devil’s advocate here - for a lady who has timidly accepted her status and fate in life for close to half a century, isn’t it a bit, ummm, strange, that she has suddenly picked up the courage to ask tough questions to one of the toughest men in contemporary India, who just happens to be her husband?  Who is backing Jashodaben?

 Over to you, Mrs. Modi.  It’s your turn to answer the questions now.
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NDTV Blog 16                    
                                   The Tyranny of Notoriety…
Tarun Tejpal has always been something of a rogue. There. I said it. So what? A rogue’s life is never easy… and eventually things catch up. As they did in Tejpal’s case ( let me not bore everybody with tedious details of  ‘that’ dreadful incident in Goa at Tehelka’s Think Fest / Bonk Fest last year). Tarun was accused by a junior female colleague of indulging in some pretty loathsome sexual misdemeanours – okay – rape.  After which,all hell broke loose , with  Tarun making it worse and worse for himself, till finally the Goan authorities did what the law of the land dictates and the swashbuckling Tejpal found himself in a grotty local  lock up – disgraced and isolated for the most part.
That’s the brief history.
I am not going into whether or not he ‘did it’ (let the courts decide). Neither am I going to join the over- heated feminist debate regarding the victim’s trauma. For me, this nasty scandal was less about sex and more about abuse of power – an even worse offence. Let Tarun and his lawyers figure out how to extricate him out of this monumental mess.
This piece is about a specific invitation extended to Tarun by the organizers of the annual Times of India Literary Carnival to be held in Mumbai from December 5th to 7th . The furor that was generated by Tarun’s inclusion as a panelist in a topic aptly titled, “The Tyranny of  Power,” was such that the invitation was promptly withdrawn, albeit with a jaunty if weak explanation (“….the reaction to his inclusion suggests that our litfest was in danger of being overwhelmed by an extraneous issue.”) Oh well… that’s elegant understatement for you! ‘Extraneous issue’??? That’s a pretty cheeky euphemism for a much discussed sexual assault case !
The man is not coming.
I wish he was.
Here’s the thing. It was an audacious move on the part of co-organisers Bachi Karkaria and Namita Devidayal ( both veteran journalists with the TOI) to have invited one of the most despised and notorious men in India to the Lit Fest . It was even more audacious of  Tarun to have accepted .This is the amazing part. Did the organizers really believe Mumbai is ‘cool’ enough to handle his presence without protest? Was that their only miscalculation? After all, it was a perfect fit – the subject and the moderator ( Manu Joseph) would have ensured a full house on 6th December. Controversy never killed a LiFest – right? But the accusations both ladies faced on social media were different. They were suspected of  being part of a complex ‘rehabilitation’ programme. This is rubbish! What would they gain by ‘rehabilitating’ Tarun??? Come on! Then there was the other thing about displaying insensitivity towards the victim, when the case is sub-judice .What nonsense! I don’t think there was ever a deep, dark, devilish plan to ‘exonerate’ Tejpal by giving him some respectability at a Lit fest. I’d say all they were probably doing was providing Tarun a platform. That’s what Lit fests are about it – or ought to be. Is there an unwritten rule somewhere that says only pure, untarnished saints can be  invited to Lit fests?? How dull and boring that would make these events! Is Tejpal the only person with a dodgy reputation to be extended such an invitation? Hell, no! Half the people who draw readers to Lit Fests are pretty colourful characters, some with criminal records, others who have made being offensive in public their main objective in life.
Tarun Tejpal would not have broken any law by attending the TOI Literary Carnival. Neither would the organizers. And that’s the whole point. People who have issues with Tejpal ( I certainly do) were free to stay away, stage protests, boo. Ditto for writers taking the high moral ground. By buckling to pressure, the organizers have  surrendered a fundamental right, and given in to shrill public opinion. I so wish Bachi and Namita had stuck to their guns and boldly fought this round. Instead Bachi fell for the bait and responded to media’s taunts  by saying, “ We are not film stars or a gossip magazine. The Litfest is serious business.”  Oh dear. I wonder how invited film stars to this LitFest are going to  feel after this?
 Well…. someone has to self-lacerate and recuse himself/herself.
If not Tarun, then….?

The illiteracy of the Ruling Class...

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What a fantastic launch! At 92, Ram Jethmalani remains one of the sharpest brains in India! Outspoken, witty and enormously charming, I really enjoyed moderating his session at the recently concluded TOI Lit Fest in Mumbai.
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Sunday Times                  Politically Incorrect              5th Dec 2014
                           The ‘Illiteracy’ of the ruling class…
This week was reserved for BJP Union Minister ‘Sadhvi’ Niranjan Jyoti and her foul mouth. No amount of gargling with boric acid will cleanse that. Or her mind. She may have apologized and taken back her despicable words. But the fact that she uttered them in the first place, is shocking enough.The even more shocking aspect of this incident is this : are we really upset by what she said? As upset as we need to be under the circumstances? Or will we take her gutter language in our stride and move on? In another, equally distasteful context, will we also overlook Mamata Banerjee’s crude ‘Bamboo’ remark and put it down to yet another ‘Didi outburst’?  Are we getting so accustomed to vile language being spewed in public by prominent political players, that we no longer react to these  crude remarks with the abhorrence they demand?
The worst aspect of the ‘Sadhvi’ speech was Parliamentary Affairs Minister Venkaiah Naidu’s weak attempt at justifying her revolting words by explaining Niranjan Jyoti is ‘a woman from an economically weaker background who has risen without all sorts of support.” So???  Was he implying we should employ a different set of standards for individuals who rise ‘without all sorts of support’. What sort of support did he mean? He added he had ‘counselled’ her and she had ‘realised her mistake’. He put a lid on the controversy by firmly declaring, “There the matter ends’. Oh no, it doesn’t. If anything, there the matter begins!
Mamata has never needed anybody to either defend or counsel her – nobody would dare attempt it either. Nor would anything work in her case. Unlike Union Minister Niranjan Jyoti ( can you believe this 47- year- old  is Minister of State for  Food Processing Industries?), the Chief Minister of West Bengal lays claims to many impressive college degrees, and on paper at least, she is a highly educated person! Which makes one wonder what we mean by education these days! Is this the language used by ‘educated’ people? Should one start divorcing education from culture, upbringing, sensitivity, knowledge, civilized conduct?
Look at the Sadhvi’s track record -  here’s a person who has made it to this enviable position  after winning from Fatehpur, a constituency  which the erudite V.P.Singh had nurtured and  won twice. Jyoti  belongs to a community of  boatmen - seen as an important vote bank in the state. She was the only woman to be sworn into the 21 member council of ministers. It was believed she was being rewarded by the party for helping the BJP crack the Dalit and backward classes in Uttar Pradesh. All that is fine. It’s politics as usual. That her declared net worth hovers around 25 lakhs, also says something. But is that ‘something’ enough? Can her modest beginnings be exploited to condone her atrocious public abuse? Will anybody offer similar concessions to someone who comes from a less deprived background? Are we supposed to feel sorry for the abusive ‘Sadhvi’? Why?
This is yet another example of the politics of convenience and opportunism. Sure, she is an elected representative of the people and nobody can take that away from her. But did she have to be inducted into the government and given a ministerial berth she is clearly not qualified for? No, she didn’t! And if she has been placed there, either she should shape up and fit the bill, or, if she crosses all limits of decency (as she did), she must be sacked. Why should the offended people of India passively accept her programmed, hollow apology and go along with the government when it declares it a ‘closed chapter’. Who closed it? Not us!
Sadhvi Niranjan Jyoti calls herself a ‘Katha Vachak’. She is someone who delivers religious sermons through story telling. She also describes herself as a social worker. Most would agree her latest speech disqualifies her on both counts -  if that was her idea of a good story, sorry, it sucked. And what sort of ‘social work’ does she do apart from inciting followers? It is disingenuous to say that her speech was not made inside the Parliament, and therefore can’t be held against her. Really?  It is precisely this kind of arrogant justification of blatant wrong doing that is worrying voters. If the Sadhvi gets away with this and still hangs on to her position, it will encourage others to follow suit, test the waters of tolerance and see if they too are honourably exonerated by the powers that be. Parliamentary conduct and language be damned, we have witnessed disgraceful scenes of hoolganism indulged in by all the parties at some point of the other. The disturbing trend has to stop and strong disciplinary action taken against those who misbehave and break laws of civil conduct – within and outside the Parliament.

The root cause of the Sadhvi’s deplorable utterances is the lack of education – and by that I don’t mean getting a degree from a reputed university. People like her, irrespective of which religious group they represent, deserve to be ostracized and shunned. If she had been asked to step down, it would have sent the right signal across party lines and perhaps, deterred future hater mongers from making such inflammatory comments. But will we ever show such sense and take necessary steps in advance? Unlikely. There is too much at stake – all sorts of  nasty equations to safeguard, dubious factions to protect. That leaves the Bewildered Indian who wonders what went wrong… when… why.  We remained silent when we ought to have spoken up. People like Niranjan Jyoti don’t suddenly pop out of  nowhere. They wait… they know when to strike… because they also know who’ll protect them when they do open their mouths. It’s the Sadhvi today – who will it be tomorrow?
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    Shobhaa’s Take                 27thNov2014 Asian Age
Perhaps my strong emotional response to the Ferguson case in distant St.Louis, Missouri, has a lot to do with the fact I spent a fortnight in America recently and came back with thousands of  images exploding out of my head. Most were pleasant – very pleasant. Some, not so. I was back on the West Coast after a fairly long break. The flight to Los Angeles seemed never ending – well, over sixteen hours cooped up inside an airplane is almost as bad as being strapped into an MRI machine for sixteen minutes - and equally claustrophobic. The  LAX airport looked most third world ( to be fair, massive construction is on to convert it into a swanky new terminal), and I smirked superciliously, remembering Mumbai’s glittering T2 and several other equally attractive, modern terminals across India. The entire experience on arrival in the land of milk and honey, was disheartening and gloomy ( no porters, no trolleys, poor signage, total chaos), and the long drive to the hotel over shabby flyovers and dirty streets, didn’t help the mood.
Later, much later, walking around the impossibly spread out city and talking to locals, it was pretty obvious that the great ‘Melting Pot’ of the world was showing signs of  strain and was in danger of boiling over. As it happened when Michael Brown, an 18- year- old , unarmed  African American teenager was shot dead by Darren Wilson, a white cop, who was later exonerated by a grand jury. “I just did my job. I did what I was paid to do,” Wilson blandly told his interviewer on ABC News, further fuelling the wrath of protestors across the country. At the time of writing, several cities across America are burning, in what threatens to be a major polarizing moment in race relations – uneasy and troubling at the best of times. Flashpoints like the Ferguson case take place when society refuses to address ghastly truths about itself and pretends ‘all is well’ when it damn well isn’t. We, in India, are in exactly the same situation, and for the same reasons. We refuse to give our demon a name. In place of race we have religion.
 Most Americans by and large remain indifferent to what’s going on in India. And I am talking about desi Americans, too. Most are so frighteningly insular in their outlook, one wonders whether they have any other real interests and objectives beyond making money ( the primary reason most of them immigrated to America more than thirty years ago). Yes, they are vaguely curious about Narendra Modi and his government. But if you think the Madison Square Garden extravaganza impressed these folks, forget it. They took pains to point out it was precision staged by well-heeled BJP supporters in America, who efficiently managed the gushy Indian media coverage of the hoopla . According to the people I met, the average Joe didn’t know ( nor care) that a Very Important Man from India had come to America and met President Obama. What was a momentous, historic event for us back home, was apparently nothing more significant than  a  four line reference in mainstream newspapers there. In fact, the ‘Indian’  person who is occupying the mind space of our deshbhais and behens far more, is  Republican Governor of  Louisiana , Piyush         Bobby Jindal (he also holds the post of Vice Chairman of the Republican Governors’ Association), who is being described as the ultimate ‘dark horse’ with a pretty good chance of clinching the  Presidential nomination, beating Hillary Clinton and the rest in the race to the White House. Eat that!
How does race touch ‘our’ people in America? It is funny – they remain suspended somewhere in between – neither ‘idhar’ nor ‘udhar’. A little like the proverbial ‘dhobi ka kutta’. I didn’t see any real intermingling   - whether with the Whites or African Americans. If anything, Indians stick to other Indians, and largely mind their own business. Their prosperity is evident and visible, more on the West Coast than elsewhere. These are the wealthy techies who have done spectacularly well in Silicon Valley and beyond. They work hard , educate their kids at top schools, spend those green backs judiciously,  invest in decent homes… travel… and  stay out of trouble. Like the other Asians. Perhaps, that’s the best way to survive and thrive. Their kids feel American, eat American, live American, think American, dream American. Their idea of India is nebulous at best. And the only connect is via grand- parents they may meet once in two years.  Are they friends with White kids? Frankly, I can’t comment. I didn’t see much of it during my short stay.
 How do the several Indian communities living in America respond to the Ferguson saga? Do they experience the same level of outrage as African Americans demonstrating on the streets? Clearly not. But try asking them where their sympathies lie, and don’t be surprised if they defend the White cop, Darren Wilson. The thing is, we are as racist ( if not more so) than anybody else. Educated, successful, overseas’ Indians actually think they are White! Not coloured – even though that is the category they technically fit into. And that is how they are seen.  Personally speaking, going through the rather demeaning line of questioning by Immigration officials, I wasn’t all that surprised to be asked a few really intrusive / offensive questions , in  tones that dripped sarcasm. Nor was I shocked to be searched and checked for ‘gunpowder and explosives’. This is how it goes. Michael Brown paid for it with his life. Prejudice wears blinkers and sees what it wishes to.
 Often,your only crime is the colour of your skin. Whether in America or India.
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             Mumbai Mirror               4th Dec  2014
                              Rohtak Sisters : Drama Queens??
 I clearly recall collaring a brute who had deliberately brushed past me outside Eros cinema, and clobbering him. Nobody had intervened or come to my defence. I must have been seventeen years old at the time.Now comes the  dramatic story of the Rohtak sisters. I  confess I fell for the uncut version myself. So impressed was I with the way Aarti(22) and Pooja (19)  fixed their tormentors in a crowded bus, I promptly hailed them as modern day Jhansi Ki  Raanis in a tweet! By then, they were all over the media, along with a beaming dad, and had also made it to CNN and the BBC World. Their stand was being applauded by countless outraged women ( and a few men) across platforms. Their quotes urging women to fight back and not take such public harassment lying down etc. were being extensively quoted. Not wishing to be left out of the narrative, the Haryana Government hastily announced  a cash award for bravery  ( since withdrawn) to be given on Republic Day!  Soon, video number two surfaced showing the girls taking on a man in a Mumbai park and thrashing him energetically. So far, three chaps (Mohit, Kuldeep, Deepak) from the bus incident have been booked. But the slightly dodgy part of the story still remains: were the beatings staged? And if so, who shot both the videos? Is it true one of the girls was overheard requesting a female co-passenger to shoot the maar-peet before the actual beating took place? Was the belt she used to flog the guy taken out of  her bag or  was she wearing it when the assault took place? These are important details that establish the motivations of the girls. Aarti has denied carrying the belt in her handbag , insisting it takes her 20 seconds to whip  it off. As for the rest, well, we shall find out soon enough.

I recall innumerable similar situations from my own life when I didn’t think twice before accosting men who had deliberately brushed past me or passed rude/ lewd remarks. I have chased down a few near Churchgate Station ( I grew up in the area) and let them have it – verbally and physically ( what are large , heavy  handbags for??). I am talking 40 years ago! Later, I did repeat the same drill if anybody ‘accidentally’ touched my daughters. Of course, such a public display of unbridled rage embarrassed the girls no end and they urged me to ‘let it go’. Absolutely not! No woman should ‘let it go’. That’s how we breed monsters in our society - desperadoes who dare to molest women in congested localities, because they believe they can get away with it.  They generally do.  And so the cycle goes on… generation after generation.
The ‘Rockstars of Rohtak’, as sections of the media have dubbed them, live in different times. They are savvy about the power of  provocative videos going viral and creating instant, overnight celebrities . It’s entirely possible both the videos are indeed accurate recordings of  two separate incidents that took place, involving the same two girls. It is also possible that both times there were obliging bystanders around who had the presence of mind to start recording these nasty incidents and nail the culprits.  But – and it’s a vital ‘but’ – what if the two girls had in fact planned the incidents to make a point? What if it was their way of sending out a strong message to other women who have suffered in silence – and ‘let it go’? The quotes one has read and heard, sound incredibly well composed and admirably calm. The girls must indeed be very mature and confident. Plus, they have the support of their father, whose quotes are equally convincing. Provided both incidents took place as seen in the videos, without any stage management, then, of course, my skepticism /cynicism is misplaced.
This is where media responsibility kicks in. In our impatience to flash a potentially ‘hot’ story, we rush in blindly, without bothering to fact check . In the process, we get had. We get used. We get exploited. Worse, we end up with egg all over our faces. Definitely not nice!
While the basic message of these two videos is laudatory (“women should fight back and not take any form of harassment lying down”), we must stop to consider the possibility of a miscarriage of justice as well. Public opinion is so ‘tagda’ ,  those boys could have been lynched had the co-passengers been aggressive and involved. As of now, they stand accused and their future looks pretty bleak.  The Rohtak sisters are heroes, basking in the unconditional admiration they have received for standing up to bullies.
As someone who hasn’t taken anything in life lying down (or standing up, or even sitting!) , I am all for the Rohtak girls showing the way. Fingers crossed they haven’t  ‘ullu bano-ed’ us for  instant fame.

Happy New Year, Blogdosts !

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      It has been one hell of a year, it has! I am glad it is nearly over. 
Here's to new beginnings... hope and happiness in 2015. 
I love your comments. Do keep them coming! 
Have a glorious 2015, dear, dear Blogdosts! 
Thank you for your love and support!
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       Where have all the children gone….?
I am writing this on X’Mas Eve. This is possibly the first time in several years that my mood is hopelessly down… the festive spirit has yet to touch me. I have gone through the motions, of course – the tree in the living room is fussily decorated, the front door lit up. I have the presents neatly gift wrapped and ready to distribute. Someone has sent us X’Mas cake and pudding…. someone else, champagne. We have attended five pre-X’Mas parties… there are two more to go. The weather in Mumbai is unbelievably cool and the sunlight, a pale shade of gold. On the streets there are countless Santas tapping car windows and peddling velvet reindeer horns. Along the seafront, people are lighting ‘wish lanterns’ imported from Thailand. What sort of a wish should we be making?
Ever since the Peshawar attacks on helpless children that left 132 kids dead, I have been thinking of  little else but the plight of  grieving mothers mourning  their murdered sons. Their lives will never be the same again. And while the rest of the world readies itself for a brand new year… new beginnings…. 2014 will be permanently marked as the year of grief for these unfortunate women. There can be no grief as profound, as scarring, as deep as the death of a child. Almost every other loss known to mankind  is  replaceable.  But nothing and no one can take the place of a child. I know couples who lost children under tragic circumstances more than forty years ago. But even to this day (while they  themselves confront age and death), the memory of that child remains vivid and omnipresent. Every little reminder, brings tears to the eyes…every family occasion is tinged with sorrow. The dead child’s absence is tangible – a powerful pull that touches the living more acutely than the vibrant  presence of  all the others present.
Of course, the world has moved on and away from the gruesome killings in Peshawar.  Closer to home, schools across India are tightening security and conducting emergency drills, just in case there is a repeat of that horrific terrorist attack on Indian soil. As the year draws to a close, it is time to ask ourselves what we can possibly do to combat  threats of this magnitude, involving defenseless innocents. Children are the world’s most precious resource. How can we protect them? Most mothers of slain children end up blaming themselves .Some may be thinking ‘If only I had been there, I could have saved my son and taken the bullets.” Or, “What if  I had not sent him to school that day? Why didn’t my sixth sense warn me something terrible was going to happen…” Hind sight is an awful affliction, and mothers possess more of it than needed. Unable to come to terms with the enormity of the tragedy, mothers obsessively recreate the last few hours of  the time spent together and conclude they could have prevented the tragic turn of events. A mother in grief ceases to be a rational person. It is useless trying to talk her out of flagellating herself emotionally. Perhaps that is the only healing she knows… and she should be granted the space and respect to deal with the tragedy in whichever way she chooses.
Women and children – the world takes both for granted. This is intrinsically wrong. Horribly wrong. 2015 is a good year to begin a genuine transformation, that goes beyond lip service and weak legislation. Our track record in India is abysmal on all counts. We treat women and children atrociously. Always have. 2014 was no better. But why bleat and plead and beat our breasts? Why not push for the overdue changes ourselves? Let’s begin with basics – let’s prosecute those who exploit child labour and treat the guilty like the hardened criminals they indeed are. Nobel Peace Prize winner  Kailash Satyarthi has shown us the way forward. Let’s also focus on getting our girls into schools. Malala Yousafzai… fittingly won her Nobel, for fighting this war . If 2015 is dedicated to women and children by a united world, we would have taken the first major step in the right direction. Can we afford to wait for even a day more? How many women and children do we want to lose to violence before we wake up and do something to save them…to save humanity at large?
The narrative for women and children must start now. Let’s ring in the new year on this positive note.

Thank you for sharing 2014 with me, beloved readers… I value you in my life. Here’s to a better 2015.
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                                  NDTV  BLOG 18               30th Dec 2014
                     Why  Bollywood doesn’t stand by its own…
I was on a television panel discussion last night. Yup. Same one on which the anchor provides all the answers to questions asked by the nation. The topic was volatile (widespread vandalism of theatres screening the Aamir Khan starrer, ‘PK’ in Ahemdabad, Bhopal and elsewhere)  but the panelists were thanda. The panelists who were supposed to condemn the violence, that is.While the three defending the disgraceful shenanigans belonged to right wing  political/ religious outfits, the three of us representing the  ‘voice of the people’ were disappointingly muted. Well, I tried my best to be heard over the din of smug, self-appointed custodians of Hindu sentiments, but it was a frustrating and pointless exercise. I asked why the channel had not invited someone more ‘tagda’ to represent Bollywood . The reply didn’t surprise me – nobody of any importance from the movie industry wanted to speak up  - for the principle, not an individual. For the wrongness of what took place. Not for Aamir Khan. Or Raju Hirani. Or even the contents of the controversial movie. Speak up against these sort of intimidatory tactics. Speak up for our threatened freedoms. Speak up for democracy. Speak up for peaceful protests. Speak up for their own future, for heaven’s sake!
Why?
The answer is pretty obvious: Bollywood is scared.
Bolllywood  has reasons to be scared. Very scared.
And this is the real story : Bollywood is vulnerable. Perhaps, more vulnerable than any other sector in India.  It has always been this way. In earlier times, when Bolllywood itself was run in an erratic, unprofessional and disorganized fashion, it was easier for anti-social elements to exercise control over the film industry.  These ‘elements’ were dangerous and armed. They resorted to direct threat, blackmail and murder. The motive was money. Bollywood was a soft target for extortionists looking to make a killing the easy way. It was hard to stand up to these goons…and still stay alive. Some who tried to take on the underworld, paid for it heavily… and got the message fast enough. So did the others. Perhaps, this was when the term ‘setting’ was coined. It was a polite way of admitting you had done a deal with the ‘Bhais’. Yes, it was hard to handle outright threats back then. Maybe, it’s even harder now.
Today, even though the Bhais are still around, the Bollywood model of doing business has changed. Bollywood is corporatized now and run more professionally by men and women wearing Armani, not sleazeballs in polyester safari suits. But hello! the monies generated by superhits have gone through the roof, too!  ( ‘PK’ has grossed Rs.233 crores already).The vultures are still circling the big studios. But there are new players on the scene to contend with. These  people exercise  muscle power and clout as well… and as effectively.  Bollywood continues to run scared. There is no place to hide.
I don’t blame big stars, producers, directors for not jumping into the latest ‘PK’ imbroglio. They simply can’t afford the risk! There is far too much at stake and nobody wants to commit professional hara-kiri by challenging the might of shadowy outfits claiming to represent the majority.
This is such a shame. If Bollywood had indeed decided to take a joint stand and speak in one voice this time, perhaps the film industry would have benefitted in the long run. After all, this sort of wanton destruction serves no real purpose. It is not Aamir or Raju paying the price for the ‘protests’ – it is theatre owners! The movie has been cleared across the board. Leela Samson has issued a sane statement in the wake of the debate. Justice Lodha’s directives are abundantly clear. The film has been screened without any incident for 10 long days. All of a sudden there are violent reactions? Come on. 
And Bollywood has  kept mum.
Is it cowardice or good sense that dictates how Bollywood reacts to threats? I’d say it’s both. Silence has become the standard. Which in a way, implies surrender. Most stars shy away from engaging in larger issues that concern the film industry. They remain obstinately non-committal. Or genuinely indifferent. This is just so short sighted and selfish. If the big wigs in Bollywood get together and form a strong and singular body to represent their interests across the board, such attacks can be better addressed. It is not merely Aamir’s problem or Hirani’s problem. It involves everybody! Bollywood tends to segregate and compartmentalize crises, with zero show of unity when it is most required – like now.
Soon the ‘PK’ attacks will die down. But there will be more. Of that, we can be sure. What then? Will Bolllywood continue to play ostrich? Suffer amnesia and laryngitis? One hopes not…for its own sake.
There’s nothing as sinister as the silence of the lambs…
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Attn: Meenal,Sudipta              Mumbai Mirror   26thDec 2014
               Chick of the year : Malala Yousefzai

Quite possibly, Malala Yousefzai is the most famous 17- year- old on the planet right now. As she well deserves to be. Her acceptance speech after winning the Nobel Prize for Peace 2014, is remarkable on several levels. It sounded like it was written by her and not drafted by a professional speech writer. It was the impassioned voice of a young woman, aware of her extraordinary position in history, and yet girlish enough to admit she still fights with her brother! Her message to the world was profound and yet, couched in simple, straight forward language. When she talked about leaders opting for tanks over text books , she received spontaneous  applause from the well-heeled, hard- nosed audience  assembled inside the magnificent palace in Stockholm. Watching her on countless television screens across the world, were millions of awe struck admirers…plus, a few powerful foes. Her voice remained as steady as her gaze.  It was hard to believe she was not yet eighteen!
What must it be like to  be Malala – a teenager who achieved global recognition the day she defied the Taliban and in return, got shot in the head for daring to challenge a diktat that forbade girls from attending school.This was in 2012 – the dramatic year that soon became a pivotal one not just for Malala, but for all vulnerable students in Pakistan. The first miracle was that she survived the gunshot. The second, was still more notable -  she carried on with her education,  and in the process became a hugely admired global icon. Where did this young girl get the courage from? What made her take on the Taliban… and emerge victorious as an international ambassador for education? I’d say, look no further than her family. Malala has  publicly acknowledged the role played by her parents in her fight to speak up on behalf of  children who are denied a fundamental right – the right to study . Ziauddin Yousefzai, her proud father, and Tor Pokai, her supportive mother, are two people who deserve to share her Nobel honour equally. Had they compelled her to rethink her decision and stay put at home after she survived the attack, perhaps the history of education for girls in Pakistan would have been different. Unfortunately, the significance of what Malala stood up to and would continue to stand up for, was completely lost on her government. Yes, a $10 million Malala Educational Fund was announced amidst great fanfare. But the tragic truth is that even after that, the number of girls who DON’T go to school  in Pakistan ,has gone up! Malala herself pretty much lives the life of an exile, unable to return to the country of her birth.  The book ‘I am Malala’ has become an international best seller, inspiring countless young people to derive strength from Malala’s incredible life. But she herself, lives away from her country, her people, in distant Birmingham
This year indubitably belongs to Malala – she is the chick of chicks. At seventeen, she has seen more life than most women at seventy. What happens to Malala next is crucial. Will she stay the course? Will she remain unswayed by all the adulation and fame? How far will her activism take her? Twenty years from now, she will be just 37- years- old  –  how will she use these two decades? She talks of becoming the Prime Minister of  Pakistan someday. Inshallah, that will happen. It’s hard to believe anyone could possess such a resolute vision of life at the tender age of seventeen. But then again, Malala is not the average teen. She possesses a maturity  -  a sense of destiny  -  that is way beyond her years.
Pakistani watchers insist the massacre in Peshawar occurred as a direct fallout of  Malala’s Nobel. It is said the Taliban wanted to send out a strong message to girls who want to follow Malala’s example. Well, they now know they risk getting their heads blown off  if they persist. If so, Malala faces an extra challenge. The safety and security of several thousand girls has been unfairly thrust on her. Malala was fortunate – she survived the gun shot. Others may not be as blessed. Malala’s crusade is pretty daunting. She is a natural born leader…. politics is but a part of natural progression. Reassuringly enough, tomorrow’s Prime Minister of Pakistan  is still kiddish enough, candid enough, to publicly confess she fights with her brother! Thank God, she does! Or else the world would have wondered if Malala was for real.
For now, it’s enough that Ms. Yousefzai is doing what millions of  students her age do – she’s studying hard, appearing for exams, and making sure the grades are good. And yes, she continues to scrap with her brother!
Here’s to 2015, dear readers. And to more Malalas across the world. Thank you for sharing this space!

Open letter to Sakshi Maharaj

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Vintage! Suresh Natarajan, ace photographer, interprets my personality! Please feel free to draw your own conclusions!
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               Open letter to Unnao M.P. Sakshi Maharaj

Jai Ram Ji Ki
Oh Mighty One,
I write to you with great pride as a  Hindu woman who has contributed to a good cause by being the mother of six children. Six. Two more than the number recommended by you to all Hindu women. At the time I had my babies, the foolish government in power those days was advising the people of India to stop at two. Remember that meaningless slogan, “ Hum Do. Hamarey Do?”  Being a defiant woman, I totally ignored the campaign and went ahead with my own plans. Family planning was a big thing. But at least we were not punished for breaking the rule and having more children, like they are in China. We have always been far superior to the world in our thinking. That we know, for sure. But frankly, your latest advice to Hindu women, needs to be publicized better. After all, there is a sound theory behind the advice. How else can Hindu religion be saved and  better served? Strength in numbers – that’s what you are telling us. I don’t see why people have a problem with that. What are fertile wombs for if not to produce and reproduce… and produce some more?

As a Hindu women, I had realized my duty decades ago. But my service to the nation had gone unrecognized. It is only now, after your inspiring speech, that I realize the significance of what I had undertaken. Forgive me, Maharaj-ji, but I hadn’t heard of you till you made that insightful comment. We need Parliamentarians like yourself – people who are progressive and forward thinking. You have clearly seen the future. And in that future, Hindu women actively participate in saving Hinduism from shrinking or getting outnumbered. If only the irrefutable logic of this theory had been articulated earlier, perhaps women from my generation would also have followed my own example and India would have benefitted overall. Of course, this era’s Hindu women must make up for lost time… and catch up with ‘others’ who are out-producing us. This is our ‘kartavya’ – our obligation. Through this letter, I want to thank you, for showing us the way forward. I used to feel pretty guilty about having six kids… suddenly, I am on top of the world! Thank you, Maharaj-ji.
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                 Who needs a Padma…??    7th Jan 2015
Dumb question : Who needs a Padma ? Apparently, everyone, including the kabbadi player down the road wants one. The insatiable craving for a Padma ( or two!) has reached epic proportions. Why not? The Padmas are being distributed like so much garma garam chana of late, it is but natural an aam aadmi also has the right to believe he is the chosen one… if not him, then a grandfather , distant cousin… koi bhi chalega. When, why and how did these coveted awards become this devalued? And , if indeed, receiving a Padma, no longer carries the same cache it once did, why do a few aspirants go flat out to beg publicly for one? Here are a few answers to the conundrum…National Awards are the only awards to be recognized across the board. It is (perhaps , erroneously ) believed, they are merit driven. It is also believed the awards are decided by an eminent, unbiased jury after careful scrutiny. This is clearly not one hundred per cent true. And it has become increasingly obvious of late that the Padmas are doled out for a whole variety of reasons, most of which have little or nothing to do with merit. Cynics insist the entire process is a bit too shadowy for comfort, and based on blatant lobbying. Arrey Baba… so what? Amazingly enough, husbands lobby for their wives, wives for their husbands, fathers for children… and mind you, some of the names indulging in this very subtle practice belong to eminent citizens who represent India’s top intellectual traditions.  How do I know? Ask for the list of recommendation letters – check for yourself.
 Lobbying for Padmas used to be an open secret in Delhi… . till Saina Nehwal hit that shuttlecock across the net and it landed where it hurts the most. Initially, I was a bit disappointed that a sportswoman of her standing would be brazen enough to demand a Padma Bhushan for herself and question authorities about the omission. Later, when I thought about  it some more, I realised  she had indeed taken a big, bad , bold step… but in the bargain, she’d also raised a lot of relevant questions. Had she sulked and kept quiet like a good, little girl, she  might have ‘preserved’ her dignity… but lost the battle. I  guess, in the agonizing toss up between choosing dignity over the Padma – the award won! This girl’s no quitter. She has worked hard to get where she has. As a global sportswoman, she has delivered big time on the international circuit… with very little support from government agencies, at that. Saina is young and ambitious. Impatient and forthright. Competitive and combative. Why sulk in silence? Why pick martyrdom over a major national recognition? This is today’s India. Saina is today’s girl. She wants to get what she considers her due – and boy!  she will go flat out get it at any cost! Anything wrong with that?
 Gone are the days when being patient and modest were regarded as virtues. Saina is as aggressive and upfront as the next champion. Let’s call her the female Virat Kohli. These are sportspeople who don’t hold back, don’t mince words, don’t believe in shrinking into the shadows. They are out there… hungry  for fame and glory . Just like volatile Virat can never be a reticent Rahul Dravid, Saina Nehwal probably won’t want to switch places with Diana Eduljee ( who had to wait chup chaap se  for her turn, after being initially bypassed for the Padma ) . Different strokes for different folks.
 Today’s Padmas are bargaining chips, not awards. A lot of time and energy are invested in procuring them for the chosen few. Lobbying is a polite word for what happens behind-the scenes. Apart from recommendation letters written by eminent backers, there is an entire mini-industry back there, hard at work to push the names of  favoured candidates. Of course, the Padmas are heavily politicized! That’s a given! That’s how it has always been. Except, in earlier times, the politics behind the Padmas , were better concealed by smooth operators working seamlessly behind the scenes for  nominees/ clients.
Tell me, honestly… do you remember even a single name from last year’s list of  awardees? I bet there is one in recent memory nobody is ever likely to forget – Sachin Tendulkar’s  . Errrr… and that Padma  was not politically inspired? Tell me another!
You know what… I am going to demand a Padma, too!  Why not ? Problem is, nobody in their right minds would recommend my name. But here it is… anyway…I have my Tangail saree ready for the ceremony… Rashtrapati Bhavan, here I come. Who says I can’t lobby for myself if nobody else is willing?
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Hello Blogdosts. I hope the new year is treating you well....it certainly hasn't started on a positive note for some parts of the world...one can only pray that peace and good sense replace violence and hatred in 2015.

The Lahore Lit Fest

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Sorry! Sorry! Sorry! I have been away from this wonderful space for way too long! No excuse is a good excuse! This is a lovely, relaxed pic from the just concluded Lahore Lit Fest, which I thoroughly enjoyed! Great sessions and daunting odds...  security issues and the threat of suicide bombers apart, what a rich feast it turned out to be.
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Attn: Meenal, Jaideep, Sudipta          Mumbai Mirror              19th Feb 2015
                         Toast the Roast! And do “Shut up”, everyone!
Aamir Khan is a cool customer. He says what he has to, and then retreats. The wars carry on, but Aamir stays out of the battlefield. When imported Comic Russell Peters asked India’s most well known ‘thinking actor’ to “shut up”, Bollywood was stunned! Nobody asks Aamir to shut up…. nobody! And who the hell was this Peters chap anyway to have the audacity to publicly insult one of our icons? This was one set of outraged reactions. The other lot gloated and crowed, “About time someone told Aamir where to get off.”
Amazing what a  Roast can trigger off !
 Now here’s the really funny part. So many people one has met after the Youtube video went viral, have zero idea what a ‘Roast’ really means.  Quite a few assumed it was a dinner party featuring grilled food. Which made me wonder if, in its “new, improved’ avatar ( assuming there will be one soon), those clever boys at AIB (provided they aren’t thrown into prison  ), will rename their immensely popular event  “Tandoori Nights” – not only will more people get the meaning, but it will sound less derivative, too. Participating in a live grilling requires guts and an uber cool quotient to go with the spirit of the show. If you lack these essentials, stay away – from watching or being a part of it. There is no hidden agenda here  –   aggressively breaking moulds and mocking establishment mores , are the stated objectives.Of course, offence is given! That is the whole point! The script is vetted by participants, and yes, some of the more risqué jokes are designed to shock and awe. So what?
So what???? A lot! Going by the holier-than-thou reactions still raging. Cases have been filed.  There  have been several public outbursts. Hostility, rage, accusations, hysteria. My question is: Is this backlash genuine… or manufactured? Politically motivated or spontaneous? Going by the well orchestrated campaign against AIB, I’d say there is an organized attempt to scuttle something that can capture the public’s imagination and grow into a powerful entertainment property. Sounds like plain , old jealousy to me. Which is a pity. There is space for Roasting in a country that prides itself on its sanctimonious, self-righteous, pious ‘values’ , but in reality, demonstrates exactly the reverse. We insult our women routinely – and nobody finds that offensive? We discriminate blatantly against the LGBT community. And that’s okay? Our top stars endorse fairness creams – no problems with that? We burn churches, stone temples, raze mosques, but refuse to apologise for our violence. Violence against people we don’t accept, approve of, understand.
 And Aamir Khan found the Roast ‘violent’ ?
Aamir is a  highly privileged VVIP in India. Those AIB guys are not! If someone decides to go after them, there isn’t much they can do to defend themselves. Their budding careers can go for a toss, and chances of getting gigs in future are pretty remote. Is this a fair war? Every interest group is jumping on the AIB band wagon and demanding apologies. Apparently, there is hardly anybody left in the country who hasn’t been “offended’ – from forgotten character actors to religious leaders.
What a fantastic coup for AIB! Overnight, a brand is born. Never mind the inbuilt  threats to its existence, going forward. It’s a brand that has the power to influence mind sets across the board, and if correctly leveraged, it can also impact entertainment policy. How far is ‘too far’ is something only a society can decide – not moral commissioners sitting in judgment and condemning anything and everything that does not conform to their personal thinking. These very people could be considered deeply offensive by their targets – who knows what they actually stand for, other than tyranny?
There has been a pretty energetic attempt to create ghettos of  ‘Liberals” and isolate them. Almost as if these ‘culprits’ belong to a new class of social pariahs who are ‘bad for society’. But what about the lives and ‘values’ of those persecuting the AIB ? What if their ‘bhandas’ get broken? Or is that the actual problem? Are they really concerned about the delicate sensitivities of the public at large… or worried about their own skins?
Often, I hear absurd and patronizing arguments about  “Indian society not being mature enough” to understand humour! Really? Who decides? AIB  folks are soft targets. If their critics have such a socially developed conscience, they should go after the real villains in our midst – rapists, sadists, and all those Godmen and Godwomen, maulanas and  religious fanatics who use vile language and abuse everybody. Go on… prosecute them, too!

Will anyone dare? You bet not!
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Attn: vandana, neelam         Politically Incorrect             14th Feb 2015
                        From Baap ka Raj to Aap ki Seva…
My short trip to Delhi couldn’t have been better timed. This was exactly a day after the dramatic election results that astonished everybody – Arvind Kejriwal included. The old school Dilliwallas I met were in a state of shock. Frozen. They weren’t thinking about Arvind Kejriwal – they were thinking about themselves. Suddenly, the heady, giddy fifteen year old hedonistic party was over. It was abruptly aborted, and bar was declared shut! There was no time for a last minute ‘chhota’ or  even a decent hangover. And people were holding their heads in utter disbelief, wondering what had hit them. Those I spoke to, were candid enough to admit their personal and professional lives were shaken and stirred like never before. Nothing was going to be the same again, they lamented. Making me wonder what exactly they were talking about. A swash- buckling tycoon sighed,“ We were just about coming to terms with Narendra Modi’s style of functioning…. that wasn’t too worrying. He is new to the Delhi game, but a few of his trusted aides are old foxes. We had dubbed this the UPA -3 sarkar – the worst aspects of  NDA and UPA combined went into the formation of this motley bunch.  They look tough and different from the outside, but are essentially cut from the same cloth. Cracking their code would have been a cake walk. But with Kejriwal on the scene – the dynamics of power have changed. Nobody knows how to handle this topsy- turvy  new lot.”
 Unknowingly, the man had hit the nail on the head.
Overnight, it’s the person on the street calling the shots. Yes, the very person who had been treated like dirt for decades. Taken for granted. Ignored. Delhi is not used to dealing with the common man on equal terms. Uncomfortable with those viewed as the unwashed masses, the Capital’s “koi hai” crowd is totally unhinged and unsure how to react to altered  dynamics. First, a Chaiwalla turned up and made it to the top job as India’s Prime Minister when nobody was looking. And now a Jhaaduwalla  is the Chief Minister of Delhi!Really! This was too bloody much! So damn unsettling! Even the bearers in the Gymkhana were acting cheeky these days!
So, what does the ‘other’ Delhi want? What does the ‘real’ Delhi expect from Arvind and AAP? Actually, it’s pretty simple stuff. The requirements aren’t unrealistic, nor are they all that lofty. The people of Delhi want basics. Period. Just basics. Like people elsewhere in India or the world. And honestly speaking, they don’t really care about the price tag on Narendra Modi’s comical suit. They want roti kapda makaan. That’s it. Had the BJP focused on these three essentials, perhaps, they would not  have suffered such a humiliating double loss. The Congress, of course, can safely go back to twiddling its thumbs for the next 20 years – it’s something they are very good at, even when they are in power.
For Arvind to retain the faith in him and his party, he has to do far more than make hard-to-deliver promises. When he announces fantastic sounding schemes or says he is going to take on corruption on a war footing, people have to believe he will actually succeed… and succeed quickly. A  corruption hotline, seems like a good place to start. But how practical is it? Given the staggering extent of corruption, the hotline itself may crash! Introducing the Lokpal Bill or demanding Statehood for Delhi  are trickier issues. The trouble with a mandate like this, is that voters expect miracles. Arvind has a jhaadu in his hand, not a magic wand. His stated objectives are all praise worthy, but, as everybody knows, getting anything done in India, requires more than just honesty of purpose. A 70 point agenda sounds impressive. But hey – how come there are no women in the cabinet so far?
Arvind’s  aggressive anti-corruption campaign will be stalled at all levels, not just by the entrenched interest groups in Delhi. His win has shaken the entire political system ,well beyond the City of  Djinns. Nervous Chief Ministers across India are watching Arvind closely, worried about their own fates and skins. If this can happen in the country’s Capital, it can happen anywhere. This is the real triumph of the Delhi election. More than the victory of Arvind and AAP (“ Janata ka CM hoon”, he sweetly dimples)  it has been a stupendous victory of the people. Sick of the government’s ‘ I am your Baap!” attitude, it is now time for AAP – a party of regular folks, representing regular aspirations. All they want is an improvement in the miserable quality of their lives. They pay taxes. They underwrite the running of the State. They are in a position to demand they get what they are paying for. It is their money that has been systematically looted.
Payback time is here.
Is Arvind the man who can do that?
Nobody knows for sure. But he certainly has the rest of the country rooting for him right now.
From  nightly whiskey-sodas to all day  cough syrup, Delhi is slowly coming to terms with politics,  Arvind-ishtyle! Cheers, everybody!
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10 Tight Slaps!

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    Apologies, Blogdosts... have been travelling extensively. Attended the India Today Conclave 2015 in Delhi... and that was pretty exhilarating. What a superb line up of speakers and performers!
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             Politically Incorrect             13th March2015
                               Oh please... spare us the dramabaazi, Leslee!
Here’s the bald truth, Leslee Udwin : Your controversial documentary is no “gift” to India. If anything, it’s a whopping big gift to yourself! Not too many people had heard of a filmmaker called  Leslee Udwin till ‘India’s Daughter’ blew up in our faces. Yes, we handled the whole thing badly. Yes, the ban was entirely unnecessary. Yes, Indian media went into overdrive. But hey – the last one to be complaining  should be you, my dear Leslee! Overnight,you, Leslee Udwin , were all over the news. In India. Across the world. And what you were claiming through television channels sounded so darn fake, you did yourself and the documentary you made, enormous disservice. So, will you stop going on and on about this ‘selfless’ act that saw you, mother of two, spend two years suffering in a  hostile environment, enduring all manner of desi discomforts , all because you wanted to give  India an invaluable  present ! That’s rubbish, Leslee. That’s utter rubbish. ‘India’s Daughter’ was made by you for yourself.Today,your gamble has paid off. You are famous. Enjoy your moments under the spotlight, by all means. But please  spare us those tiresome sermons.
Try this script – it’s pretty uncomplicated and straight forward. You are a commercial documentary film maker in search of original and interesting subjects. That does not make you unique in the least. You belong to a large international tribe. All of you travel the world searching for subjects to sell. No  issues. When the horrific Nirbhaya rape took place in Delhi, you sensed a great opportunity. Yes, of course you were deeply disturbed. Yes, of course you felt a strong sense of outrage. So did millions all over Planet Earth. Nobody thought of making a documentary on the subject at that point – you did! Brilliant! You came up with a great idea . You persevered.   You raised the finance. You packed your bags. And you came to India. That’s what documentary film makers do for a living. Nothing new in any of this .But here’s the thing. Others may have thought of making a similar film - but you got it done. Period.  More importantly, it was a business risk you took. Let’s be clear. That’s not a crime either – it’s your bread and butter! As a professional film maker, you make documentaries for a living. This is one of them. Baat khatam. And as an ambitious film maker, you naturally wanted  to get the biggest bang for your buck. Which is also, fine. That’s how the business works. You had a budget. You invested time, energy, money in pursuing a case that had made international headlines in 2012. What stopped someone else from India / Sri Lanka/ Sweden/ Australia / Outer Mongolia from tackling the same subject? You beat everybody else to it – good for you! That’s where it should have ended. But didn’t.
Why?
            What we are dealing with is a bunch of really nasty developments. Nothing seems to add up. The documentary, per se, is not particularly impressive. Most would call it pretty shoddy , even shabby. But this isn’t about your talent or competence as a film maker, it is about the access you were given. An access your detractors feel you misused. Several articles have appeared questioning your motives. Let me jump into this again and say your motives are pretty obvious – your motives were unashamedly, unambiguously commercial. Every ambitious filmmaker dreams about landing a scoop – a world exclusive. Every film maker works for awards and recognition. Why not be upfront about this, and stop whining? The silly ban has worked for you big time. In terms of marketing, you couldn’t have asked for more prestigious platforms than the ones you have got – and smartly exploited. I mean, come on... valuable endorsements from Meryl Streep? Freida Pinto? Your documentary has been elevated into a global cause celebre. You can probably feed off it for a few more  years. Till you stumble upon another tragedy and milk its potential. For the sake of your art, of course.
Frankly,all this doesn’t make you sound like a very nice person, Leslee. And that’s a pity. You are safely out of the country. But some of the puzzled and hurt people featured in your film, are feeling terribly let down, even betrayed.They trusted you, Leslee. And you have trampled on their trust. Blame it on hyper sensitivities, if you wish. Yes, we Indians are thin-skinned.  So? And thank you, very much, but we also possess our own mirrors. The most awful aspect of the mess is how twisted and strident the debates have become. There have been attempts to make it a racial issue. I don’t buy that for a minute. There are also those wondering why nobody makes similar documentaries about ‘ America’s Daughter or ‘Denmark’s Daughter?” Indignant critics ask, “Aren’t there rapes taking place in foreign countries? Let me give you statistics!” This is to imply there is a huge international conspiracy to tarnish India’s image. Again, I don’t agree. Why doesn’t an Indian documentary maker try and find an equally   powerful  to film in Finland, for example?  Every single country has its quota of shameful incidents. You, Leslee were  fascinated by one such that took place in India. That’s all.

Should we be saying , “Thank you, Leslee?” Why not ? Sometimes, an outsider’s viewpoint can be the required trigger leading to reform and change. Of course, you edited the ghastly ‘truth’ to suit your objectives. That’s your prerogative. What we do about you and those truths – is ours. 
                                                        ******************
Attn : Meenal,jaideep, sudipta      Mumbai Mirror   12th March2015-03-12
                          Size 18...? Not a problem!
The best thing about the sleeper hit, ‘Dum Laga Ke Haishaa’, is not  the heroine’s  size, but her terrific, larger than life attitude. Bhumi Pednekar, playing the unambiguously overweight girl, who gets married off to a regular chap (Ayushmann Khurana delivering yet another, polished, nuanced performance), is entirely comfortable in her skin throughout the film. At no point does she question her body type or apologise for being grossly fat (sorry, there is simply no need to find a polite, euphemism for that word in this utterly charming movie’s context). Bhumi plays an educated girl, stuck with an unpadh whose family forces him to pick her at a mass wedding programme because they want a daughter-in-law who earns well in a government job. The problem is with the bride’s formidable girth... and an equally formidable mind. Not one to give up without a jolly good fight, she tries every trick in the book to get her newly minted husband to perform his conjugal duty. She even buys an ice cream pink nightie from the village ‘Novelty ‘ store, gets hold of a ‘hot’  video, sets the mood with appropriately suggestive music, and when nothing works, finally jumps on top of the crushed fellow to plant a juicy kiss. Nada. Illey. No can do. Undaunted, our girl carries on with her life, determined to make her marriage work. Losing weight for starters, does not occur to her. In fact, weight loss is the last thing on her mind!
Hurrah!
Millions of  sympathisers must have cheered at this point. For once, here was a modern woman not obsessing over her extra kilos. Even if she has heard of Size Zero she really doesn’t care! The fact that she does not equate self-worth exclusively with her hefty weight, is the biggest  message of the film. We live in such warped times that all one hears at social events is this extremely  annoying conversation which goes: ‘ OMG! You’ve lost so much weight! Wow! Pilatus? Hot yoga?” Or the even more personal, “Babes! What’s wrong? Hormones acting up? I can send you my amazing trainer. Try kick boxing! You’ll lose all these inches in a month!” Most women (and a few super narcissistic men)  walk around looking pinched, gaunt and seriously miserable. The demand to appear fashionably starved and impossibly thin  is so overwhelming, I often feel like marching off victims to the nearest bhojanalaya and  shouting,“Eat!”
It is not as if debutant director Sharat Katariya’s  film glorifies/ celebrates being fat. All it says is don’t condemn a human being for just that one issue – weight. Look beyond the size. And surprise yourself. The pressure to conform to a false and over-idealised body frame has become an international disease. In India, we have several ways of camouflaging our prejudice, especially when it comes to arranged marriages. The minute a potential candidate is described as “healthy’’, you know the reference is not to the state of the person’s heart/ lungs. It is to girth. “Dum Laga Ke...” says sweetly and subtly, “Get over it already!” It’s a sub-text we shouldn’t ignore. When the frustrated and still virginal bridegroom harshly describes his bride as a ‘Saand’  to guy friends, after knocking back a few stiff whiskies, audiences recoil at the harshness of the description. But they also sympathise with the young man’s predicament.  He cannot consummate his marriage  for obvious reasons – the woman all but pushes him off the marital bed. It is a serious turn off. Poor guy!
This is Bhumi Pednekar’s film! What a truthful and brave performance. Since, no extra padding has been used ( or so, I’m guessing ), it certainly made me wonder how many times in her own life she has been at the receiving end of cruel jibes? It’s easy to play a ‘fatty’ when you aren’t one. That’s an actor’s job. But here, is a classic example of inspired casting. Talking to one of our most accomplished actresses earlier this week, we both agreed that casting is king these days. The real star behind several off beat movie projects recently is not the producer/director, but the casting agent! When modest but ambitious movies recover their investments in a crowded market, it’s good news for the film industry. And for the hungry-for-quality audiences , of course. It can also be taken as a serious wake-up call for studios reeling under inflated budgets and staggering star fees. Six wonderful movies ( like this tiny gem) can be made for the price of one monster mega film , which may or may not strike gold at the box office.
There really is no substitute for a strong, original concept that applauds  human vulnerability – in this case, a bride’s plus size causing the groom’s sexual indifference to her. How this gets resolved in the end, is in itself quite a story! But I wish the director had done away with the mandatory gaudy dance routine while the credits rolled. It wasn’t needed. Worse, it took away from the authenticity of the earlier narrative.

Long time no see!! Sorry!!!!

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Just back from the splendidly conducted 'Words on Water' Festival in Thailand. This a  is an image featuring the man who has put India's Jaipur Lit Fest on the literary map of the world - Sanjoy Roy. He was 'In Conversation' with me, in the presence of the beloved Princess of Thailand, and several invitees, who had come to listen to four writers from India talk about their work.
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Sorry about the extended absence from this space. I was experiencing serious technical problems - snce resolved, I hope! Here are a few columns you might enjoy.

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Hamarey Pyarrey Pradhan Mantri...


Dear Modiji,

The sizzling summer heat in India must be getting to you, now that you are back in the country for a brief visit after several foreign jaunts ( 18 in 12 months) to cooler climes. Unfortunately, the welcome home hasn’t been terribly enthusiastic.... even though it is Janamdin Mubarak time for your party. Look at what have you come back to : Criticism and taunts. Brickbats and accusations . Your report card is being written by hundreds of experts, who believe they know much more about fixing India’s myriad problems than you do. Policy analysts, economists, television anchors, defence experts, educationists, lawyers, religious heads, professors, scientists, bankers, businesspersons, tycoons, management gurus – even Bollywood actors. Phew ! Your 365 days in office have been deconstructed bit by bit, studied closely, and pass/fail marks given. Poor you! Or... poor us!

Frankly, this annoying ‘report card’ exercise has become a bloody bore – don’t you agree? You are definitely not getting the ‘Student of the Year’ award – but, so what? Your fans (ummm - rapidly dwindling and disillusioned) are still supporting you as the Head Boy of India. But even the most dynamic head boy in a patshala, needs a supportive team to win inter-school and international events. You are Head Boy, Class Monitor, Games Captain, House Captain, Prefect and Librarian...everything rolled into one. Great! But your strict Principal , is just one entity – the citizen of India. And at the moment, the Indian citizen is disgruntled. And naraz. Very naraz.

Citizens can be annoyingly impatient, unreasonable and demanding. The thing is, when you promised ‘Achche Din’, people believed you! They waited for an entire year to see a faint glimmer of some of those early promises. Radical plans were announced to get India get back on its feet, after decades of apathy. Your way with words charmed everybody – we fell for the slogans and wah-wahed. ‘Make in India’ was catchy and inspiring. World leaders started to acknowledge us... that felt fantastic! You went racing to visit our neighbours – that was a good move. You invited khaas mehmaan to India – starting with Pakistan’s Nawaz Sharif. And then came the biggie – Barack Obama.President Obama rejigged his insane schedule and singled you out – not once, not twice, but thrice! This was a gigantic international signal Everyone was maha impressed. While these heady shows of diplomacy were in full flow, it appears you forgot all about India! There you were rushing from one foreign Capital to the next , walking the red carpet like Aishwarya Rai at Cannes – and changing as many outfits, too! Your vanity crossed all limits with that tasteless monogrammed suit, which some say was turned out to be far more expensive than its reported 10 lakhs tab - it cost your party the Delhi election!

Uske baad, it has been downhill all the way...

Image and perception make or break leaders. The early expectations have been replaced by dejection and disappointment. No matter how efficiently you responded during the Nepal crisis, no matter how aggressively you set the agenda for India’s foreign policy, the home truths have been different. People need jobs. Period. And they had hoped your economic policies would create them. People want spiralling prices to be checked. That hasn’t happened either. If anything, collective morale has been sliding rapidly – the cost of living has never been higher. Taking advantage of the disenchantment, Rahul Gandhi has suddenly woken up from deep slumber and gone ballistic with the same old ‘Jai Jawan Jai Kisan’ , pseudo-socialist rubbish that had fooled citizens during his grand- mother’s reign. You had claimed you wanted to take India forward – that too, hasn’t happened. Rahul Gandhi wants to drag it backwards – that is more likely to happen.

Narendrabhai, it’s time to wake up and smell the masala chai. Your one year in office is over. So is our patience. There is just so much irate citizens can take. The trait you most need to check is your conceit. Enough already! Foreign trips are not a fancy dress parade. And there are umpteen jokes about you acquiring a second selfie stick to click yourself taking those silly selfies with world leaders. We understand all this sho-sha is very new for you. It’s cute to see your child like excitement when you are being mobbed by desi fans in South Korea. You have mastered the royal wave from the doors of your Air India aircraft. But India needs more than self-indulgent photo-ops of their Prime Minister jetting around the globe in sorbet coloured designer gear.

It’s time you got down to business. Real business. And real politics. There’s Arvind Kejriwal running around in your backyard playing kindergarten games. This is but one tamasha happening under your nose. Everything else is where it was – Bharat is as un-Swachch as it has always been. Crimes against women have not been curbed. Foul mouthed Sadhvis and Maharajs continue to spout hatred. Our Armed Forces are waiting for sensible budget allotments to provide modern day basics to their men and women in uniform. Defence deals still attract suspicion. And the Kashmir issue is where it has always been – stuck in a rut.

Despite these overwhelming odds, Indians are a buoyant and optimistic lot. We don’t give up easily. In fact, we are pretty damn amazing when it comes to survival. Which is why we were deeply and hurt and appalled by your insensitive comment about us, during your recent trip to Shanghai and Seoul.

Sorry to say, Modiji, but you should never have made that remark about people feeling ashamed to be born in India.

No Sir, despite what you imagine, we are very proud to be born Indian. But the one thing we definitely need to be ‘ashamed’ of is the fact that we keep voting for people who let us down.

Bring on the ‘achche din’ Narendrabhai...and all will be forgiven. Kasam se!

                                                                      ************* Attn: Meenal,Sudipta,Jaideep Mumbai Mirror 22nd May 2015

Shikha Joshi suicide: No way to treat a friend!

I am still baffled by Shikha Joshi’s ‘suicide’. That she was a woman on the edge, is obvious enough. There are hundreds of Shikhas in showbiz, desperately hanging in there, trying hard to survive in a city that generously celebrates success and cruelly damns failure . The worst epithet to throw at anyone in Mumbai is ‘loser’. People can call you any and every name...abuse generations of your family... that’s ‘normal’. But if someone describes you as a loser – that’s it! Very young school kids are suffering because their classmates jeer ‘ loser’ whenever they are around. Mumbai is as ruthless as it is giving. Which is why it is important to understand the many dynamics of 42- year-old Shikha Joshi’s troubled life – the awful truths that finally pushed her off that cliff.

I have known women like Shikha , who come to Mumbai hoping for instant success. They project a jaunty confidence they don’t really possess. They meet people – some good eggs, but mostly, bad. If they are lucky, they get early breaks that pay the bills and keep their hopes up. If not, they start getting desperate... compromise kicks in. They lower fees, promise higher cuts to touts who bring them chhota-mota assignments, attend ‘parties’ of strangers who offer free alcohol , an expensive bed, and the chance to network with ‘big’ names. Soon, even these invitations dry up. But the bills still have to be paid – rent, food, laundry. The biggest expense rarely gets factored in – the nebulous ‘lifestyle’ tab. By this point, the newbies have tasted life in the fast track in Mumbai. It’s a pretty lethal cocktail that extracts its own price. And that’s when trouble kicks in. As it did for Shikha. She was probably told there is a market demand for bigger breasts, flashier clothes, ceramic smiles, coloured eyes, coloured hair, designer handbags, the latest car. .. the list must have grown and grown. But her income didn’t. And depression became her best friend.

In such a brutal scenario, many young people crack. Their vulnerability is instantly pounced on. Dalals appear out of nowhere, and offer hope – ‘I will make you the next big thing... but first, you will have to please that big shot.” God knows how many ‘big shots’ Shikha had pleased. Were they the married men she referred to before she gasped her last breath?

Far more disturbing than Shikha’s untimely death, is the video recording shot by her friend. When I read the account of how swiftly Madhu Bharti, the woman who Shikha was staying with, alerted Anu, another friend, and got to work – I was stupefied! Is that what people do these days when they discover a good friend, a house guest at that, lying in a pool of blood in the bathroom? It is such an appalling, revolting thought! Practical, yes! But inhuman in the extreme! Picture the scene : an emotionally broken friend, who allegedly smokes weed and enjoys rum, goes to the toilet and doesn’t emerge. You hear her mumbling from behind the closed door, ask her to open it and find her swimming in her own blood, a kitchen knife, next to her. And what is the first thing you do? Summon help? Call the police? Dial an ambulance to try and save your friend’s life? Nope! You grab a cell phone, and start recording the the woman’s dying declaration! How cold blooded is that! Demonic, is the word that comes to mind.

Reading the accounts, my own blood ran cold. God save me from such ‘friends’!

Not only was the dying statement duly recorded, the badly injured woman was instructed to stem the blood pouring out of her neck, by using her own dupatta. Leading questions were asked, even as life was slowly ebbing out of her. Questions like, ‘Who do you blame for this? Why have you taken this step?’ The police were fed the suicide story as soon as they arrived. Shikha was pronounced dead at the hospital. Dr.Vijay Sharma,the person named by Shikha , who had enhanced her breasts in 2005, and whose house Shikha had pelted with stones, initially went missing, but has resurfaced. In this sordid saga, one thing becomes abundantly clear : Shikha’s life had become entirely dispensable. The sad part is that Shikha leaves behind a 19 year-old daughter. What about her life?

The fatal attraction Mumbai has for glamour-struck out-of-towners, has claimed one more victim. One can understand Shikha’s tragedy. There were Jiah Khan and Viveka Babajee before her.... and Nafisa Joseph before them. There will be others who will also die in equally gory circumstances. But the unbelievable response of a Madhu Bharti and her friend Anu, will be far harder to accept. Is this what we have come to? A profusely bleeding ‘friend’ is not to be helped or rushed to hospital (her life could have been saved had Madhu done what normal, decent people do), but forced to speak into a recording device to get her loving friends off the hook! Oh yes - she is free to die after that!

This is by far the saddest statement about urban ‘friendship’ I have ever come across! Who needs enemies???

******************* Attn: Suparna, Jayanti, Olga Asian Age For 30th May 2015

Who is a “big shot’’ ?

The central thought behind ‘Bombay Velvet’ was powerful enough. Such a pity it was tossed aside to make an unappetising khichdi that has been declared the biggest turkey of 2015. It is a record that is likely to remain unchallenged for a while to come. Gangster Johnny Balram, morosely played by Ranbir Kapoor,has just one ambition in his troubled life – he wants to become a ‘big shot’. I smiled when I heard those two words – big shot. They reminded me of my father. He was definitely not a big shot. But he met several big shots, being a senior bureaucrat in the Government of India. Each time he came home and told us about some ‘big shot’ he had met, we would exchange knowing smiles. ‘Big shot’ did not have the best connotations in our home . Big shots were bullies. Big shots were people very aware of their power and position. Big shots were to be avoided. Big shots made their own rules. Big shots broke the law. Big shots got away with anything and everything – including murder. In other words – big shots were not nice people.

Today’s big shots are no different. The definition remains unchanged. India has many big shots. A lot of them live in Delhi and run our lives. The beacons on their cars have gone. The number of security guys surrounding them has been scaled down. But one can always tell a big shot from the way he strides into a space like he owns it. Female big shots adopt a slightly different body language. But there is no messing with these formidable ladies. Amma is the biggest shot of this tribe. She knows it. She wants the world to know it. Didi is also a big shot and don’t get fooled by her crumpled saree and uncombed hair ( that’s what makes her a big shot – the don’t-give-a damn attitude).Smriti Irani perhaps fancies herself as BJP’s biggest female big shot. But India sees her differently – as an ambitious, driven, intelligent person, who has been given the wrong job. Sushma Swaraj is the Behenji Big Shot. Her forceful way with words gives her a special position. We miss her on television, and during fiery parliamentary debates.

Right now, Delhi is still struggling with the Big Shot Vs. Big Shot issue... who’ll blink first? Arvind Kejriwal is a closet Big Shot. He only pretends not to be one. Heck, even he realises the irony of an Aam Aadmi behaving publicly like a Sultan – a lot like the very people he condemns. But wait... scratch the surface and the asli roop of Kejriwal emerges– tyrannical, dictatorial, intolerant, stubborn. These are the precise negative traits of rivals he says he is fighting. Yes, it is to tell them apart. The BJP of today is not all that different from the Congress of yesterday. It’s as top heavy and hierarchal as the Congress, with the old satrap system firmly in place.

There are no ‘maamuli log’ in status-obsessed India. If someone starts an Indian Premier League for Celebrities, it will be an absolute winner. Inflated egos abound – from over paid cricketers to over exposed movie stars. Airport pics of Big Shots arriving or departing, have become staples . Never mind that most images are scrupulously doled out by P.R. agencies employed by the celebs. Every possible photo-op has spawned a mini-industry – from catching big shots ‘off guard’ while leaving funerals, hospitals, restaurants, screenings, sporting events, shopping malls, to catching them waving to fans from their balconies like the Pope or British Royals . Since there is no Vatican equivalent here, we create our own version with orchestrated visits to pilgrimage sites. Ajmer is big with Bollywood. Badri-Kedarnath with politicians.

In Corporate India, every CEO/ CFO is a Big Shot. Till he/she gets fired. In earlier times, it was the ‘maalik’ who enjoyed this privilege. These were the new maharajahs, worshipped by employees, who hired caparisoned elephants to please their bosses on birthdays. Others travelled with their top dogs, whose job on international flights was to stand outside the airplane loo, holding the boss’ whiskey tumbler, while he relieved himself. You’d think such abject displays of servility have disappeared. No chance! On any given domestic flight, every seat in the business class section is taken by self styled Big Shots, with minions seated in the front row of cattle class, ready to leap in and assist the VIP.

Arnab Goswami’s frequent television exposes of this nauseating VVIP culture in India, has definitely generated greater awareness in the minds of the general public. But the ground reality remains the same – those who are caught and shamed, brazen it out by stating such a blatant misuse of privileges is a part of their hard won success! It is often the bratty children of such individuals who zoom off in daddy’s Ferrari and run over a pedestrian or two. No problem – it can be ‘managed’.

Yes, Big Shots can ‘manage’ virtually anything in India.

Which is why the Biggest Shots of all are our superstar lawyers. The best dowry gift these days is not kilos of gold, a penthouse, a sports car! Oh no! Nothing tops the gift of providing pricey the services of a brilliant lawyer to your beloved beti. That’s described as true class and clout, in an India where money is no longer sexy. The only game of oneupmanship worth playing, involves retaining the sharpest legal eagle around. If you don’t have a Big Shot Fixer at your beck and call – you’re nothing!

‘Dhadam Dhadam’ goes the song in ‘Bombay Velvet’. Who says Big Shots have it easy?

******************** Attn: Meenal, Jaideep, Sudipta Mumbai Mirror 15th May2015

Trial by fire...

Mumbai lost three heroes last week in a devastating fire that destroyed Gokul Niwas, a 100 year old building in overcrowded Kalbadevi. The three firemen who bravely went into the heart of the inferno, will be remembered with deep gratitude by the city they faithfully served. The last one to die was the affable Deputy Chief Officer, Sudhir Amin, a man who had been awarded the President’s Gold Medal for bravery, right after the 26/11 attacks. The other two men, who lost the valiant battle they were appropriately honoured in death by their grief stricken colleagues and families. But what the hell – this terrible tragedy could have been avoided - easily avoided – had the authorities not been as callous, as indifferent, as cavalier. It is shocking that our firemen are not given the basic protective clothing they are entitled to. That these firemen are stuck with a manual from the British zamana, dating back to the 1940s. Even worse is the administration’s apathy to the abysmal conditions these extraordinary men work under. Nobody really gives a damn. And charges of corruption are rampant. Just like our soldiers and police officers who are deprived of basic equipment and provided sub-standard weapons to fight on our behalf. Clearly, somebody in the food chain is getting a big fat cut on contracts. Mumbai firemen are treated with scant respect and expected to perform miracles during emergencies. The city lacks the infrastructure to fight major blazes – especially those that engulf high rises. We don’t have the required water pressure. Nor do we have snorkels that can access top floors of skyscrapers. New residential /commercial complexes are given municipal clearances without adequate scrutiny. Nearly every building in Mumbai is a fire trap. The old ones made of timber ( like the gutted Kalbadevi building) are dangerous tinder boxes ... time bombs ticking away. But our authorities have other priorities. What’s a few lives lost here and there? Hota hai...they shrug, and wait for the next bribe.

In the midst of this tragedy, there are also inspiring stories of hope and good neighbourliness. One such involves a young couple , Priyanka Pol and Swapnil Surve. The wedding date was fixed for May 30th. As in most traditional families, the wedding trousseau, gifts, and jewellery collected over months, had been carefully stored at home, only to be devoured by the flames that reduced their precious possessions to a heap of smouldering ash. Moved by the plight of the 24 year-old bride-to-be, her thoughtful neighbours , led by Mahendra Pansare, a local merchant, decided to contribute money, kitchen utensils, household items, so that the young couple can start life afresh. What a heart warming story !

The same Kalbadevi merchants have also come together to help the families of the three firemen who lost their lives, and are hoping to collect sufficient funds to give 2.5 lakhs to each family. Once again, it is left to the people of this great city to rise up and confront a calamity. That Mumbaikars do it time and time again ( terror attacks, monsoon floods), says a lot about our citizenry. But what about the lack of response from the heartless administration that refuses to reach out to its own people – the very people who pay taxes and expect just basic services in return for their hard earned money ?.

Priyanka Pol and her fiancé will make it to the mandap on time, I’m sure. And their large hearted neighbours will, no doubt, be an important part of the celebration. Amidst the subdued revelry, there will be fears about the state of the other precarious buildings in the area. Will this terrifying blaze force the merchants to remove highly inflammable chemicals stored in gigantic cans, right next to gas cylinders and exposed electrical wiring? Will concerned citizens lead a morcha to Mantralaya and compel the government to address safety issues, not just in Kalbadevi, but across Mumbai? Will Kalbadevi corporators bother to conduct meetings with representatives of the area and push them to take quick, remedial action?

What about re-examining permissions given to all new towers across Mumbai? Does any officer have the guts to insist on it? The Builders’ lobby functions as a parallel government, answerable to nobody. It can afford to – given that it is run by politicians who are Mumbai’s biggest and blatantly land lords.

There are thousands of similar infernos waiting to happen. Why should brave firemen have to sacrifice their lives because building societies flout fire safety rules? Who will rewrite the 1940s manual and update antiquated laws? I guess we all have the answers to such questions. A few token transfers of negligent officers will not solve the problem. As citizens we have our rights, too. Most of us are not aware of them. Those who are, don’t want to fight for them. Which is why we are stuck with thugs who parade as our representatives. The power we give them over our lives, is the power we have meekly surrendered to them in the first place. Isn’t it time we displayed the much needed collective will to reclaim what is rightfully ours?

               88888888888888 Attn: Meenal,Sudipta,Jaideep Mumbai Mirror For May30th2015

Padma Iyer : Maa Ho Toh Aisi...

It took one incredibly gutsy desi maa, to break through the final homophobic barrier. When Padma Iyer (58) decided to place a matrimonial ad seeking a groom for her 36 year old son, perhaps unknowingly, she had begun an important social revolution. Within 24 hours, Harish Iyer, Padma’s son, had received 73 proposals over email! The number has gone up considerably since then. Padma, on the other hand, had received over 300 hate mails. The response to the unusual ad, is in itself an indication of how polarised people are about accepting gay marriages – not just in India, but across the world. Harish Iyer, a jaunty, cheerful gay activist, has been featured in the 100 most influential LGBT people in the world by The Guardian, in 2013. Harish and I have been virtual friends for a long time. Today, Harish’s life is exceedingly busy, and the work he has undertaken, is earning him international recognition.

Harish would not be the Harish of today, had it not been for the support he has received and continues to receive from his extraordinary mother (and grand mother). Yes, Padma has attracted her share of flak for mentioning ‘Iyer preferred’ in the ad. But like she explained, that was included half in jest, and in any case, she insists, like any other mother, she also wants her child to marry into a family with a similar cultural background and shared values. Why not? We don’t make the same value judgements when we read other matrimonial ads that specify not just a particular caste, but also a sub-caste! Is there another set of social rules for straight people ? Since Padma is looking at an arranged marriage for her son, she, like any other protective, conservative mother, also wants a compatible lifestyle for the couple. Which is why her ad also mentioned a preference for vegetarians. Harish laughs and shares that some of the proposals he has received from international grooms are from meat eaters! Yup. That is a major issue, whether or not it’s a same sex marriage.

If Harish Iyer does meet his life partner , thanks to his mother’s valiant efforts, and he decides to go ahead with a public ceremony ( sadly, not legally recognised in India so far), this will be one wedding I definitely won’t skip ( invite me, Harish!). But before that, I’d like to meet Padma and congratulate her.

How many mothers in our hypocritical society are willing to stand by their gay children? Not too many. Laws are quoted and other excuses trotted out for the lack of acceptance. Yes, families are afraid their child could be black mailed, prosecuted, even jailed. Yes, there have been several attempts to push for the law to be amended. Till that happens – if it happens – thousands of families live in fear and shame of exposure. Several families are in permanent denial about a child’s sexual preference. Recently, I watched a bold and disturbing film titled ‘Unfreedom’. The film maker ( Raj Amit Kumar ) had arranged a special screening soon after the movie was banned by the Censor Board. He was acutely disturbed by the rigid attitude of the members of the revising committee ,who refused to certify this film which deals with terrorism at several levels – emotional, religious and sexual. One of the stories features a lesbian love affair and marriage. It has already won 19 international awards and has been screened in America.

Watching the movie, I thought of several parents of my generation, who refuse to come to terms with the sex lives of their children – straight or gay. I know young men and women who have been forced into marriages, after being threatened, beaten, and sent for ‘treatment’. I have seen the emotional turmoil the entire family has subjected itself to, in a wasted effort to make the gay child ‘see sense’. Well, the only ‘sense’ involves unconditional love. That’s it. What Padma Iyer has demonstrated so courageously is her devotion to her son. She says she doesn’t want to see him lonely in later life. And considers it her duty to find him a husband to share his life with. This is how it should be. Perhaps others will learn from Padma’s example and follow suit. Every human being deserves a shot at happiness and love. Who is anybody to decide what that should be?

Good luck Padma and Harish. I can hear wedding bells chiming soon. Whoever marries Harish will be a really lucky man. Together they will be creating history. And in the process, they will also be helping countless other same sex couples to live happily ever after.

*************** Attn: Stan, Lukose, Mathew The Week 11th May 2015

“Paa” – rebooted!

Here’s the big consolation regarding this column : It’s not about Salman Khan! But it is Bollywood related. And here’s why. After a really long time I watched a mainstream movie featuring three accomplished actors – Amitabh Bachchan, Irfan Khan and Deepika Padukone, enacting roles that appeared alarmingly true to life. So damn real, in fact, they were almost embarrassing! “Piku’’ made several people uncomfortable. Two of my children hated the film. One, even walked out mid-way. My husband and I are planning to watch it for the second time to catch some of the finer nuances. But that has to do with my husband being Bengali. And as we know, according to the Bengalis, the world is divided into two kinds of human beings – Bengali and non-Bengali. ‘Piku’ highlights and even celebrates this idiosyncrasy in an affectionate if occasionally annoying way. Fortunately, nobody keeps saying “ Eeeeesh!” a la Aishwarya Rai in Sanjay Leela Bhansali’s ‘Devdas’.

Why is ‘Piku’ worth watching? Well, for one, it is an original. In Bollywood, that’s pretty rare. Viewers expect nothing less from the talented combo of Juhi Chaturvedi and Shoojit Sircar who’d earlier collaborated on the brilliant ‘Vicky Donor’. This time they tackle an equally quirky subject – a modern day father-daughter relationship. That’s unusual to begin with, given our movie obsession for the other tear jerker combo – the mother-son bond, which is generally glorified to the most ludicrous extent. The father-son angle has also been done to death, with tired scenes of filial duty/sacrifice. But the more complex equation between a crotchety, selfish and demanding dad of today, behaving like an absolute jerk ( read: tyrant) towards his single, attractive architect daughter, is fresh territory. It has been tackled with supreme confidence and finesse by the director, with hardly a single misstep. An intelligent script with dialogues to match can sometimes salvage a flimsy story – like ‘Piku’. But that’s a small quibble when balanced against the subtext of how difficult it is to negotiate the delicate dynamics that govern such a relationship in our society, to begin with.

Several social issues get thrown up in this charming narrative. But the one that interested me the most was the sharing of power between the father and daughter. It is rare to come across a 70- year- old widower flatly warning potential suitors of his lovely but uptight daughter that she is independent on all levels – financially and sexually. He spells it out in public that Piku is not a virgin. That he does so with a devilish, scheming , selfish heart, is obvious . But that he can shamelessly go public about such an intimate aspect of his daughter’s life , is the real shocker. In a society like ours – exaggeratedly patriarchal for all the wrong reasons – any father giving away his daughter’s sexual status so casually to strangers, is just terrible! This is what it is. Take it or leave it. Preferably – leave it. That’s the manipulative dad’s nasty message.

The daughter’s mixed up feelings about her bully of a father, are also depicted truthfully. She loves him. She hates him. He bugs her. She resents his control freak behaviour. But she is one hundred percent committed to looking after him.... even tolerating his anal fixation at the expense of her own personal happiness. Yes, the relentless toilet humour gets on your nerves after a point and becomes most revolting. But that again maybe by design. How many movie makers have the guts to create a story around the hero’s erratic bowel movements? Not only are Bhashkor’s daily motions discussed in vivid detail ( amount, consistency and colour ), but in this quirky movie, the many shades of defecation share equal space with the many shades of the star cast’s characters! If this sounds yucky, believe me, it is vomit -inducing in parts. Perhaps that is the whole point – how far can you push the audience into dealing with as indelicate a subject? Why are we so turned off by an act that is completely ‘natural’ ? We all have to “go’’. And yet, it’s considered a big no-no in polite society to make any reference to our daily ablutions. Like virginity, shitting is also a taboo topic. Shoojit breaks both taboos with unconcealed glee!

Surprisingly, this modest movie has been declared the biggest hit of 2015 so far. It has made audiences examine their own feelings about two key subjects –children’s attitudes towards aging parents in a society where young, urban professionals simply do not possess the time or patience to look after the old. And the squeamishness which makes us recoil from addressing a dirty four letter word – SHIT. Shoojit tables both messy issues with the same level of assurance. Amitabh’s unpredictable gut plays as big a role as his guts in taking up such an unusual role. Irfan Khan and Deepika Padukone are an unusual romantic couple in an unusual film. It’s time we looked at both – the baap-beti equation and our revulsion to errrr... crap, using an entirely different filter.

Flood of Fans for Amitav Ghosh

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          What a dazzling launch it was in Mumbai !Amitav Ghosh was an absolute delight!  
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     19th June 2015
L’Affaire Lalit Modi: Theatre of the Absurd.
“It’s war!” declared the man du jour via a tweet. And several very powerful people ducked. It was too late by then. Those who ran for cover, found there was no place to hide. The bombardment  was underway...while the peace of the azure Adriatic Sea was temporarily shattered, as India’s best travelled ‘fugitive’ began his ‘mahayudh’ on frenemies, enemies, family friends and randoms. Wow! India woke up to various hues of international notices – red, blue, even light blue. All sorts of conspiracy theories got recklessly tossed around as Lalit Modi kept up the fusillade, making sure he didn’t skip a single name from his little black book.
I clearly remembered our solitary meeting from way back when. It took place years ago, much before Lalit had bestowed some very fancy titles on himself ( Czar, Commissioner, God... being just a few!). The meeting took place at my residence. The quaking intermediary was distraught. He whispered, “..... but.... but ... but... Mr. Lalit Modi doesn’t go to meet anybody. People come to meet him.” I was a bit surprised – errr... it was he who wanted to meet me with a proposal to write scripts for television. I didn’t particularly want to meet him. A well- connected business lady had set this up and told me grandly, “He really wants you on board. He has lots of money... just name your price.” As things turned out, the meeting was a total flop. He turned up huffing and puffing, made me an offer I didn’t find at all difficult to refuse, and that was that. No hard feelings.
Cut to a couple of years ago. His extraordinary life on the run, was worth documenting. I got his London number and phoned him with my own proposal this time –  I wanted him to write a tell all book. He was voluble and candid. And ready to do it. We did a few con calls...  but things just petered out. During those calls, Lalit was feisty, furious and out there -  he had his facts and figures. And most importantly, he was ready to name names. Our lawyers had to take a call – and they did. It was felt Lalit’s book - a real hot potato – would be too hot to handle. The prospect of battling several law suits discouraged the team from taking this any further.
“Bring it on...” tweeted Lalit Modi earlier this week. And did he bring it on! Brash, brazen, brainy. This  daredevil of a man is a force of nature, as several victims are reckoning,  while they hastily consult top legal wizards, hoping to save their own skins. Lalit has done the unpardonable in such circles – he has ratted on bffs - openly named people. Howcome? Did he not think of the grave repercussions? Is this man a nut job? I don’t think so.  Today’s Lalit Modi is a man with nothing to lose. Not even personal honour. In such a scenario, what option does he have? Keep quiet? Why? Fight back? Why not? Take a look at his high profile targets. At some stage, these were the very people he was in bed with ( figuratively speaking, okay?).Everybody was happy with the arrangement. Everybody made money. Lots and lots of money. So ? Everybody is still making money. Perhaps, even more money! If Lalit Modi  is being referred to as the Robert Vadra of the BJP, how off the mark is that tag?
How about another angle to this sordid saga? What if it is Lalit Modi who is being used? Think of him as the victim and not the villain. I know... it’s like asking audiences to feel sympathetic towards Gabbar Singh or Mogambo. These are our society’s stereotypes. We refuse to break moulds. But, hey – if Lalit is a blackguard, what about the rest? If he is being called a crook – what should we call the others?  Yup. Those shameless looters? The very people going hoarse, condemning the guy from various platforms? A peep into their cupboards would reveal countless skeletons. We are talking about Lalit’s  Rs.1700 crore ‘fraud’. For some of those ministers, ex-ministers, cricket administrators baying for his blood, that’s play money! At least one heavyweight mantriji probably makes more than that amount in half-a-day! Granting favours is a fine art which comes with an astronomical price tag.  It’s not just Sushama Swaraj. “Indian helping Indian” has many connotations and interpretations ! So many netas have bent and twisted the rules on ‘humanitarian grounds’. What’s different now? It’s all about convenience and  timing. ‘Lalitgate’ is a pretty stale story which has been lying around for close to five years. Nobody bothered to pick it up. All of a sudden, it is being projected as the biggest expose ever? Absurd!
The average citizen really doesn’t give a damn whether Lalit Modi continues to lead a hedonistic life partying his socks off  in Havana, Ibiza, Venice... wherever. Nobody cares whether he is a playboy, liar, cheat, absconder, madman. There are far bigger issues to worry about. Let him turn those knives and nail a few more culprits back home. We need such diversions from time to time, to distract us from the real issues. Whether Sushama stays or goes, whether Vasundhara Raje resigns or doesn’t, neither decision is likely to impact the dismal lives of the majority? Frankly, kuch nahi hoga. Both ladies will stay. And a  few earnest citizens will shake their heads and say, “Very bad, very bad... these people must be punished... the country is going to the dogs...” Citizens have been singing the same song for decades. Has anything changed? Naah.
 Sorry, Prime Minister Narendra Modi -  Log khaaengey bhi, or khila yengey bhi. This is how it works in our Bharat Mahaan.
But since we always look for a foreign hand behind all that goes wrong in India...and since we need phirangi scapegoats whenever there’s a huge scam in our backyard, let’s blame Murdoch for this mess and be done.
As for me, it’s International Yoga Day today. I will be doing my bit and performing the very challenging and complicated shavasan – the corpse pose .

  Meanwhile...Bon Appetit, Lalit! Sante...apres le deluge and all that...
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     Asian Age              25thJune 2015
             Battle Royale : Who’ll blink first ?
Phew! What a lot of unnecessary dramabaazi week this has seen! Look at the  multistar cast – the main players, the cameos, the side kicks, the comedians, the villains, the amazing twists and turns. A more action packed script would be hard to find. This is the real thing. The ultimate blockbuster. “Hum Aapke Hain Kaun – Part 2.” If only the lead actors had been better looking!
At the time of writing, there are leaks and tip- offs rolling in by the minute even as I key this column. Lalit Modi,our very own desi Whistleblower or Julian Assange with a darker mop of hair, is sitting pretty in London / Ibiza/ Rio/ Mykonos/ Venice and tweeting away. It is being said a smart publisher wants to bring out a quickie with just the emoticons in those countless tweets. Lalit Modi today, is dominating mind and media  space and scaring the daylights out of anybody who has ever been within a 5 kilometre radius of the former Czar of the IPL. The man’s meticulously kept records of every encounter, phone call, email exchange ... just about any form of communication, are so staggering, it’s no wonder so many people are diving for cover. It’s quite comical. Some say they met him for fifteen minutes. Others call him a ‘brother’ to his face and later deny knowing the man. But, in today’s times, there really is no place to hide! Lalit knows it. His targets know it, too.
Is this the way to treat friends? Singed victims are asking. Errr – yes! If, by ‘friends’ you mean those who were around smelling money, opportunities, fun times, while the going was good. If they now accuse Lalit Modi of ‘betraying’ them, nobody is interested in their collective whingeing. This is how it goes when the stakes are as high and the end-game , as dangerous. Those badly hit by Modi’s startling revelations, also know they have zero cover left. Lalit has pretty much stripped the lot naked. It’s possible he is hanging on to more dirt and may unleash the final instalment at the right time. Political Pundits are holding their breaths and wondering when that time will come. For if there is still  some lethal material left in Lalit’s armoury, it can only be a  devastating political nuke that will take  down everybody. That includes the government in power.
Swaraj and Raje   can relax. Lalit Modi has done his worst and they have survived. So far, Rajnath Singh is the only BJP bloke to have astutely handled a maha dhamaka capable of blowing up in several prominent faces. As any shrewd politician knows, the trick is to buy time and wait for the storm to blow over. Raje is sitting tight, as she can well afford to. She is far from dispensable. If she is coerced into stepping down, there will be an open revolt in Rajasthan, where she is worshipped by people, who willingly acknowledge the good work she has done for the State. If she stays, that will be a tough one for Narendra Modi to ‘manage’ – it will prove what his critics are saying – he is soft on corruption within his own party.
Whichever way this pans out, citizens are justifiably disgusted. This is not what they had voted for. Cleverly enough, Lalit Modi has both parties in the same corner. He has enough dirt to dish out on all leaders - Congress, NCP and of course, the BJP. He also has Sushma and Raje on the backfoot. With so many walking wounded around, who the hell is running the government? Let me take a guess – no one??? It is on auto pilot, running itself, with the Babus rejoicing and gloating, now that the reins are back in their hands.
 Take Lalit and his target practice out of the picture, and the story is still bad. Smriti Irani is back in the dock , forced to clarify a ‘typographical ‘ error about her educational degree. And there is Pankaja Munde in Maharashtra battling charges of corruption over the sanctioning of contracts. Ms. Munde is either super efficient  at clearing government tenders amounting to 208crores  in under 10 minutes, or... or... your guess is as good as mine. Maharashtra mantris, have been notorious and brazenly corrupt for years. But Ms. Munde’s indiscretion is being cited as a huge black mark against a government that constantly boasts in self righteous  terms about its  policy of zero tolerance for corrupt practices. Going by the snow balling of charges against four prominent women from the party, this appears not just hypocritical but paradoxical .
In such a volatile and highly combustible environment, it’s hard to predict anybody’s next move. But one thing is for sure –  whatever that next move  is, it has to be Narendra Modi’s. He cannot afford to hide behind  studied silence. Citizens waited patiently for him to finish demonstrating  his prowess at Yoga asanas. People also considerately gave Sushma Swaraj enough time to recover from her jet lag and say something about the controversy. Anger is bound to build up, if the top leadership continues to be evasive. Arun Jaitley jauntily declares nobody in the party is ‘tainted’ . Achchaaaa???? Unless , of course, Sushma indulges in the oldest political trick in the book – and is rushed to hospital for some unnamed medical condition. By the time she emerges, this will no longer qualify as ‘breaking news’. And as we well know, it’s no news unless it is breaking.
This means it will be business as usual for all the main players – Lalit Modi included. There is just one thing for the Prime Minister to do at this tricky point : Get Lalit Modi back to India. Period.
The truth may surprise us all.
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       Mumbai Mirror              26thJune2015
                       Damsels in Distress....? Hardly!
Who would have imagined that  four of the country’s most influential,dynamic, powerful, attractive and intelligent women in politics would be facing such an embarrassing situation today? There they are – like a gallery of  roguettes – putting on a brave face, but not quite coming clean about the charges against them.  In feudal India, royalty is still royalty, so one can understand the imperious disdain on display, as Vasundhara Raje  does not deign to respond to questions posed by ordinary mortals, and goes about her business like nothing has happened, her royal brow enviably un-creased. Wow! That takes a lot of ... how shall I put it delicately – impunity? At the time of writing, the popular Chief Minister of Rajasthan was still on her throne, daring anybody – even Amit Shah – to dislodge her. Such is Raje’s super confidence. And such is her faith in her loyal subjects ( can’t call them mere MLAs, can we?).
Sushma Swaraj is amazing. Yes, she may be an amazing law breaker, too. But that’s for the authorities to decide. Given a job she didn’t particularly want, working for a leader she doesn’t particularly like, Sushma has done very well for herself, hopping from country to country, offering firm ‘manly’ handshakes to world leaders, matching her hand- picked silk sarees with those peculiar desexed jackets, bright red sindhoor blazing its own trail in the parting of her hair. Ever since she came back to the motherland after the Lalit Modi scandal broke, Sushma has taken to hiding behind huge, wrap around sunglasses. Perhaps the media glare is getting to her.
Smriti Irani is dealing with a ‘typographical’ error, in her typical style. First, it was amnesia about her college degrees, and now the confusion has been cleared – it was only a careless typo all this fuss is about, as distinct from Tomar’s forged certificates. Her body language has not changed this week. Though her stride is far brisker as she dodges the press, and rushes to Parliament, without bothering to make eye contact. The fact that a Delhi  court has taken cognizance of  a complaint filed against her, has obviously not dented her self-esteem. She wants the country to know she is a lady on a mission to save some of our most prestigious educational institutions, and introduce Yoga in schools etc etc. Teacher’s pets have all the advantages.
Pankaja Munde’s story is different. She is young, brash and possibly in a  tearing hurry to establish her political credentials. Here’s a greenhorn politician who had staked her claim to be anointed the Chief Minister of India’s premier stake – Maharashtra – on the basis of heaven knows what qualifications. Had it not been for internal bickering, the job would have been hers for the asking. You know what softies we are when it comes to casting a sympathy vote. Despite being an absolute novice, Pankaja was generously given a berth in Devendra Fadnavis’ cabinet. If you think there are no perks attached to the Women and Child Welfare portfolio, think again. Pankaja didn’t waste a minute before clearing purchases worth Rs.206 crores in a single day, without inviting tenders. Business as usual? The young lady is holidaying abroad, and will provide ‘explanations’ on her return.
In all four cases, the ladies embroiled in various messy allegations, have put on an impressive show of bravado, preferring to brazen it out while the dust settles. Observers have pointed out that is one hell of a coincidence four women from the BJP are under scrutiny all at the same time, suggesting there is a vile conspiracy to ‘fix’ these ambitious mahilas and cut them down to size. It is also being said  that hounding these ladies demonstrates the deep seated misogyny which dominates the party.
Women in politics never have it easy. Look at Hillary Clinton. But this breed of desi female leaders are not withering violets, nor are they the coy, simpering behenjis  hiding behind powerful men. These are feisty women, who have always called the shots in their personal and professional lives. It’s  the men who need to hide from them! And do. Which is why it’s a little disappointing to note their deliberately passive stance while controversies rage around them. Smriti, in particular, ought to be so secure about her special place in the P.M. ‘s heart, she  can aggressively give it back to anybody who  takes her on. This time, she is uncharacteristically subdued.
We wish all four of them would boldly speak up and clarify matters themselves. Why bring Rajnath into the picture to issue character certificates? Why corner Arun Jaitley and get a lukewarm “ Nobody is tainted’ comment out of him? Come on, ladies. Row your own boats. Own up if you’ve transgressed. It’s so much more honourable to do that. And if you haven’t, clarify your position, and there the story will end. The thing is, all the charges sound pretty credible. I won’t say, ‘Be man enough about the crisis and take it on the chin’. Instead, I will say , ‘Be woman enough to deal with it...”
The era of Damsels in Distress ended with Cinderella...
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                NDTV Blog 34                24thJune2015

                                  Ranveer Aala Re, Aala...
I have been a die hard Govinda fan for years. Can’t say the same about Ranveer. That they are both naturals, goes without saying. But in my mind, Govinda is more like ghar ka khaana –  Govinda is comfort food. Ranveer is a hybrid. Ranveer is Chicken Manchurian. Both men have a brilliant sense of comic timing. Both are highly intelligent. But being products of an entirely different era in Bollywood, it’s unlikely their career paths will run parallel.
Govinda liked to be referred to as the Virar ka Chhokra. This deliberate positioning was no fluke. Virar is an outpost of Mumbai. The ‘real’ Mumbai doesn’t recognise the existence of a suburb called Virar. Nobody boasts of being from Virar. At the time Govinda was the big hero with several commercial blockbusters under his broad rexine belt, his rivals were Bandra Boys – the Pali Hill , Juhu-Khar lot, with well-connected patrons in the film industry. They fancied themselves ( still do!). And were seen as being upmarket and posh. Then there was Govinda – Chi Chi to friends. A podgy, unlikely hero, with a disarming smile.  Unapologetically middle class and minus starry airs ( those came later), Govinda was hailed as the aam janata’s hero – a basic, daal chawaal type of guy. Nobody could explain his success. Suddenly Govinda was everywhere! He had delivered! He was a bona fide star! His style of dancing was the rage, and the same snooty heroines who had refused roles with him earlier, lined up eagerly to match steps with the latest box office wonder. His dialogue delivery was referred to in reverential terms and admirers made the lyrics of his incredibly vulgar songs, appear cool and catchy when they were seriously offensive and ludicrous.
 I met Govinda when he had already become a bloated monster. His habitual lateness (10 hours was normal), lack of discipline, and delusions of grandeur , had producers fuming by then. But so long as the hits rolled in, lips stayed sealed. I had warned the enthusiastic Stardust Annual team  that even though I was the actor’s fan, and happy to do a special shoot for the magazine, I wasn’t willing to come to a studio or wait around at home for him to show up. As it turned out, the  photo session and interview were fixed at my home, and a minion was assigned the job of tracking Govinda who was shooting in the suburbs.  Two hours after the stipulated time, when there was no trace of the man, I told them I had had enough and to pack up. Just then, there was a flurry of excitement – Govinda was in the building! He walked in wearing a cop’s uniform and apologised for being in costume. He must have been feeling pretty sheepish about his lateness, for without wanting to waste more time, he started stripping right there in my living room, as his wardrobe guy  fluttered around with a fresh shirt. Minutes later, he was ready. And that’s when the Govinda Moment took place. The editors had thoughtfully prepared a set of questions he was supposed to ask me (“ Class Versus Mass’’ was the rather insulting peg). Govinda stared at the sheet of paper and promptly tore it up. He turned to me with a big grin and asked politely, “ Shall we start?”
That’s the essential Govinda – spontaneous, endearing and very nuts.
I don’t know Ranveer at all. The only time I saw him was at a formal function where he was seated across the aisle. This was just after he had signed his first film but was not famous. His conduct was exaggerated, exhibitionistic, loud and attention seeking. He was also ridiculously dressed. Who is this guy? People were wondering, watching his antics. It hardly mattered. Once his first big movie was released, nobody needed to ask that question. He had aggressively and very quickly established himself in Bollywood. And he wasn’t going anywhere! Well, he’s still around. And getting better with every role. His public conduct continues to be brash, but nobody cares so long as audiences love him.
A few months ago, he was invited to a rarefied Conclave in Delhi. He was in the company of some top class professionals from various fields. Of course, there was a full house for him  ( he’s a big star today), but not too many people in the audience were expecting anything more than light Bollywood banter from the young actor. Imagine then, their shock and awe when Ranveer came through with what was dubbed one of the most polished presentations of the Conclave! Beyond the swagger was substance. Beyond the sharp suit  was a thinking, alert,  energetic mind. In a flash – Ranveer had transformed himself from a rakish Bollywood caricature to a polished brand ambassador representing the Future of Bollywood.
Is he the next Govinda? Not really. So much has changed about the movies from the time when Govinda was thrusting his hips and shaking his booty with Bollywood lovelies. Govinda was never given the chance to unleash the supremely sensitive actor in him. Ranveer should learn from this and save himself from falling into a similar trap. For that, he really needs to lose those idiotic monkey suits he wears on the red carpet  - fast!
                                                                  ***************
     The Sexes                         23rdJune2015
                              “Wear a yellow saree tomorrow... or else!”
Yet another story revolving around power play in the work place surfaced last fortnight. This time it was about a female PhD student accusing her mentor/ guide of sexual harassment. The rest of the script was pretty standard – by now, we are all very familiar with the drill – a man in a ‘superior’ position, decides to make a junior’s life miserable. It happens constantly – to  men and women who are juniors. It’s like dogs indulging in territorial wars by urinating on specific spots. I don’t know what’s worse – human beings threatening to throw acid  on victims to establish supremacy, or a few harmless puddles of  dog piss?
But this particular case, is worth examining more closely since the college in question happens to be St. Stephen’s, and the Principal himself is sounding a bit iffy. Had Principal Valson Thampu taken action against the offender, one Satish Kumar, Assistant Professor in the college’s chemistry department, and been more sensitive to the complainant, perhaps one more case of gender harassment would not have gone unpunished. Today, that molestation charge has snowballed into a national scandal. Principal Thampu has made matters worse by saying he had offered to change the female student’s guide, but she had refused! That puts the onus squarely on her and makes her sound like a stereotypical manipulative woman out to wreck her professor’s career.
Now here’s the thing: The student says since 80% of her research had been completed, there was little point in switching guides at such a late stage. What would any other student in her position have done, faced with a stalker who passed lewd remarks and made inappropriate physical contact with the victim? She states that at one point, this deranged sounding academic threatened to pour sulphuric acid on her if she didn’t wear a yellow saree to college! Why would any woman make up such a story? And – hello!  this doesn’t qualify as a case of ‘sexual harassment’ to the Principal? To me it sounds like a murder threat.
A Nobel Laureate ( Tim Hunt ) recently lost his job after making loaded sexist remarks about ‘pretty’ women who work in labs and distract men. There was world- wide outrage at his clumsy ‘joke’, cracked during a scientific conference in Japan. Women scientists mocked Hunt for his silly remarks. But at the end of that outburst, there was also a surge of sympathy for Hunt, from men and women, who felt he had been crucified without giving him a fair chance to respond to the strong charges thrown at him.
The environment today demands a high level of vigilance. Men and women working together without sexual conflicts coming up occasionally, is, of course, the ideal scenario. But there will always be some idiot who decides to take his chances with a reluctant female colleague. The Assistant Professor’s case is extreme – it involves a physical threat. To think an educated person employed by one of India’s most prestigious colleges could attempt to bully a student under his care in such a violent way, is shocking! It is generally illiterate hoodlums and goondas who resort to pouring acid on women who resist their sexual advances. This is perhaps the first time we are dealing with someone from Kumar’s academic background issuing such a bizarre command.
Is the man kinky? A yellow saree fetishist? Some sort of a control freak? What kind of a family does he belong to? How have family members reacted to the scandal? If he does indeed reside with them, how does he even look the female members of his parivaar in the eye? Does shame come into the picture at all? It was a similar story with Pachauri... and look what happened to that man! Disgraced across the world, nobody gives a damn about him any more.
Satish Kumar ( who also discharged the duties of the bursar), has his whole professional life ahead of him. So does the student. She’d feared she’d be jeopardising her degree by going to the Delhi University’s Grievance Redressal Cell. This sordid debacle has left two people in deep trouble. Trouble, that could have been easily avoided had Satish Kumar behaved himself.  Professors sexually harassing students is becoming a serious menace in campuses world- wide. Tragically, most such complaints aren’t taken seriously. And victims are asked, “But... he didn’t actually rape you, did he? Then, what’s the big deal? Why are you ruining the poor man’s life? Besides... are you sure you didn’t encourage him? Lead him on?”
No matter how a woman in these circumstances emerges from the battle , it is she who pays the price – even for victory. Future employers say, “Good God!  Isn’t she that trouble maker from St. Stephen’s? Avoid!!” Paradoxically enough, even other women may not stand by her. So what?  So long as she stands up for her dignity. That’s all that matters.




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Does stealth always works ....?

What Awaaz Network achieved on Remembrance Day in London is an unprecedented advertising/marketing coup! As pure strategies go, this was brilliant. It was doubly brilliant because it was a scrupulously planned stealth attack which took Narendra Modi ... and the world by surprise. It also left several British politicians red-faced and speechless! The sheer audacity of the protest (which instantly made it to the global media space) stumped just about everybody. How on earth was such an imaginative, complicated and super technical feat pulled off in the first place? Well, it has been carefully dissected, deconstructed, and lucidly explained by Shri Suresh (who dat?) Grover himself. I am not sure whether it was his brainchild, or a collective effort planned in utmost secrecy by a highly skilled team, virulently opposed to Modi’s politics. Now that a coup has been successfully pulled off, perhaps other iconic structures will be next? Empire State Building, the Louvre or the Pyramids ? Awaaz Network has just created a brand new platform for protestors of all hues to make a bold and daring statement that instantly grabs eyeballs across the world. That’s an awesome achievement in itself!

As for the Om- Swastika controversy, yes, it is deliberately provocative – as it was designed to be. That it was met by shock and revulsion, underlines the original objective – which was to draw the world’s attention to the troubling developments in India. The alarming incidents of violence, murder and brutality against dissenters opposed to the ruling party’s political thinking has led to a range of protests within and outside India. The thing is, I am slightly suspicious about this particular one - which appears to be a pretty well organised offensive against Narendra Modi himself. Yup. The man. Not so much his party. Modi is the chief target. And I find that a bit dodgy.Targeting Modi and shaming him in this way, will not solve a thing! Awaaz Network has equated him directly and blatantly with Adolf Hitler, and created a Nazi Om. Even Modi’s most strident critics are saying this comparison is excessive and odious. It is deeply insulting to the people of India. Even I recoiled at the image, despite my very vocal criticism of all the negatives Modi stands for. While the Awaaz Network’s message was basic and overdue (reject politics of hate and intolerance), the method to convey it ( on the facade of the House of Commons) , was pretty crude. It was designed to humiliate a visiting Prime Minister... and India. Call me an over-sentimental fool, but I felt really, really terrible when I saw it on Twitter! For the first time ever, I felt a little sorry for Narendra Modi! And I recalled Sambit Patra’s miffed response when I had referred to Mr. Modi as a ‘poor chap’ on a panel discussion. Patra had bristled and raged. He had jumped in loudly and rudely to defend his boss. Patra had made out like I had called Mr. Modi names and been highly disrespectful towards him. My innocuous ‘poor chap’ comment must have upset Patra so much, that he brought it up months later on another panel discussion, this time still more emphatically, as if calling someone ‘poor chap’ was the worst form of abuse. If Patra had overreacted back then, what can Mr. Modi’s minders and loyal troops do by way of damage control now?

The thing is, Narendra Modi on foreign soil appears far more vulnerable. He goes flat out to impress ( the frequent costume changes, the 5 lakhs walla, monogrammed suit) and sometimes the strain and effort show. Despite the Om-Swastika-Hitler-Fascist attack, Narendra Modi had to jolly well keep the flag flying, make sure his chin was up, and respond to tough questions with a forced smile. But, the original bluster was definitely missing, as he trotted out the tired Mahatma Gandhi, Gautama Buddha clichés as a response to the predictable ‘rise in intolerance’ question . Possibly, still smarting from the Bihar election results, he was not his usual self, and seemed distracted and out of sorts. Fortunately, he chose to speak in Hindi ( Gujarati would have been even better), and mercifully refrained from hugging, embracing or cuddling David Cameron. Someone from his team has obviously advised him to go easy on the ‘jaadu ki jhappis’, considering he had overdone the touchy-feely bit with other world leaders in the past.

It can’t be easy to make the transition from a feted, warmly welcomed Prime Minister of India, to a person described as ‘the epitome of hatred, destruction and chauvinism’. He has a monumental image problem ahead of him, and this open and public display of derision and contempt, may soon become a pattern as he jets from one international city to the next. Foreign media is having a field day mocking his Madison Square Garden and Wembley appearances for local desis. Had Narendra Modi been a little more sensible and sober on those first few phoren jaunts and not taken the ‘’rock star ’’ rubbish as seriously, perhaps he would have paid more attention to voices back at home, reminding him of all that was going off the rails in his backyard.In retrospect it certainly appears like Narendra Modi was being used as a wind- up toy by his shrewd minders, and sent off into the big, bad world to dazzle and influence global policy makers, while they themselves went about their domestic hate politics with murderous efficiency.

A weakened Narendra Modi is not good for India. A demoralised Prime Minister generally makes expensive mistakes... or worse, meekly surrenders to his puppeteers. In such a scenario, outside forces are quick to pounce and take full advantage of the situation. The BJP is at war with itself. So far, nobody has been able to contain and handle the crisis within... or, without. Narendra Modi’s brand of big talk has more or less collapsed without outside assistance. Losing Bihar is but one sign that the long term picture for Modi as an individual and the party as a whole, is not particularly upbeat. The alternative looks even worse! Rahul Gandhi is thumping his chest and strutting around like he has won a major battle and achche din are just round the corner for the Congress Party! Koi baat nahi. Bachcha hai! Nadaan hai.

Meanwhile, Narendra Modi needs to pay more attention to his rapidly deteriorating public image. Like a canny Congresswalla commented, “Make is India, is fast turning into Hate in India’. It sure likes the average Indian is being fed the old line,“ If you can’t make it, fake it!” Except this time nobody is falling for naqli maal.


I feel like a lost soul!
Back in this incredible, sacred space as if by magic.
God knows what went wrong... is wrong... may go wrong again.... but I just couldn't access my blog all these many months.
Not sure I'll be able to in future, either, but now that I am here - a bog shout out to all of you! Hope you have been well.
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